On Selfishness

A full schedule of work and school can take its toll on you. Sometimes you need to take some time and take a load off. Usually, I prefer to do something athletic like play basketball or football. Lately I have dabbled in the game of soccer. Interest following the world cup finally inspired me to buy my own cleats and try it out. I brushed off the warnings from my family that a Gulbranson is not made for the world of soccer and started to play. I love it! I have a hard time watching it on TV sometimes, but it is a lot of fun to play! Unfortunately for me, the warnings regarding Gulbranson soccer ineptitude proved quite true.

One avulsion fracture later, I was confined to indoor entertainment. For me that takes the form of video games. I particularly like games with intriguing stories. Naturally, I can get pretty caught up in a game and become oblivious to my surroundings. So when Kara was working like a busy bee on her small business and needed help with smaller items like cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, I was patriotically chasing down fictional terrorists hoping to prevent a catastrophic worldwide attack. At the time I would have argued that I was not totally useless. After all, I had promised her that my attention would turn to the dishes once I had accomplished the mission. Oblivious to the growing frustration in the other room, I procrastinated the more important mission in lieu of a stupid self-serving one.

This was the handsomest gamer pic I could find online. Don't want a photo that misrepresents me!

Now that I have earned the scorn of all womankind, I would inform you that I have recognized my error and made a sincere effort to make amends. I increased my resolution to help around the house. Flowers also may have been involved. So before we throw all men under the bus, remember that no one is perfect. 

Selfishness is a common foe which we must all keep in check. Nobody is immune to its allure. Even a selfless person can, and will, commit selfish acts to some degree. You will be selfish at some point in your life. You should do your best to avoid a selfish lifestyle, but remember that it is impossible to avoid altogether. So for those moments when you have recognized your selfish acts, do what you can to amend them. If you manage to accomplish that, you are already leagues ahead of most people.

There are reasons it is impossible to altogether avoid selfishness. The prime reason is that we can be utterly and hopelessly unaware of our selfishness. I had no intention of ignoring Kara and neglecting to do other important things. Consequently, I was not intending to upset her and make her life more difficult. I would never consciously make a decision with those aims. Why then would I have ever done what I did? I suppose it is for the same reason anyone else is selfish: I became so enveloped in myself that I was wholly unaware of my selfishness. There was an absolute exclusion of the interest and welfare of another human being in favor of the self. That is the simple and bold definition of selfishness.

Considering the triviality of my experience, you might wonder why this all matters. It was dealt with and all parties have moved on (hopefully). Since selfishness is so common and unavoidable, why should you even worry about it anyways? Simply put, selfishness is really self-destruction in slow-motion. Our selfish nature can lead to irreparable damage if left unchecked and unchallenged. While my example of selfishness came at a small price, not all selfish acts create minimal consequences. Some reach more shocking and tragic ends.

Let’s reflect on the case of Robin Williams. Mr.Williams was an accomplished actor and comedian who had a supernatural gift that allowed him to bring laughter and joy to millions of people. He is considered by many to be among the greatest comedians of all time. While accolades and applause for his work abound, he was also credited for having a selfless life. He was devoted to charity work which included performing for U.S. Troops, donating to earthquake victims, and fundraising for the homeless.

I think one story in particular best shows the extent of Mr.Williams’ selflessness and charity. Following a serious horse-back riding incident, famous actor Christopher Reeve became a quadriplegic. His life had changed both instantly and drastically. While still hospitalized, Reeve was visited by his good friend and college classmate Robin Williams. In a manner only Robin Williams could, he showed up pretending to be an eccentric Russian proctologist on a routine examination.  For the first time since the accident, Christopher Reeve laughed. Prior to Williams’ visit, Reeves felt hopeless and simply wanted to die. Speaking about his experience, Reeve said “My old friend had helped me know that somehow I was going to be ok.” Reeve was once again able to see why life, no matter how afflicted it can become, is indeed worth living.

Based on this story and his past work with charitable organizations, one can safely assume that Robin Williams was a selfless individual.

Having described Williams’ incredible life, let me bring you to the events of this week. Following a harrowing fight with depression, Robin Williams made the tragic decision to end his own life. Years of experience and service from a talented human being were recklessly discarded. Many undeserving people are now left dealing with the shock, hurt, and anger that usually follow in the wake of such decisions. I sympathize with his family, and all families who face such tragedies. For them, the consequences and hurting will last for years and leave scars that may never fully heal.

His death has also led to an intense debate. One side quickly condemns suicide as a selfish deed carried out by cowardly people. This side is concerned that we dismissively attribute too much to chemical imbalances. The other side is equally quick to call opponents ignorant and naïve. They challenge that depression is trivialized and is too complex an issue to be simplified down to mere “selfishness”. Both make great points that I agree with, yet I feel their argumentative substance fails to get at the heart of the debate. If anybody had a sense to calm down and sincerely read and understand one another’s thought process, they would notice that they agree on many things. Suffering from depression does not make you selfish. A singe selfish act does not make a person selfish. Depression is a serious societal ailment that ought to be more candidly discussed. Depression is a crippling and debilitating disease, but not an untreatable one. Suicidal thoughts are illogical; therefore they are not easily combated with logic. Depression is as complex and vast as the number of people that it affects. If you are truly interested in solving the problem and seeing things as they really are, then these are points that everyone can agree on.

This has been a sensitive and volatile debate. I will try to address this as sensitively and respectfully as possible.

At the heart of the debate lies the real question:  Is suicide a selfish act? If we are to honestly apply the definition of “selfishness” to this case, the answer is a resounding yes. There are certainly exceptions, but not many in my opinion. To be selfish is to be chiefly concerned with one’s own interest to the extreme exclusion of the interest of others. Surely this definition applies. I go back to something I said earlier. We can become so enveloped in ourselves that our selfish behavior doesn’t even register in our minds; at least not until it is too late. We can become so far removed that it does not even adequately cross our minds. I believe such is the case with us all, especially those who suffer from diseases like depression or addiction. Such was the case with Robin Williams.

His life is now marked with a tragic selfish act. Nonetheless, that single act does not define a life of charity, humor, and selflessness. It is wrong to ignore the burden and heartache that such a tragedy leaves on those left behind. Likewise, it is wrong for people to ignore the amount of good he and others like him have accomplished. I feel a lot of that has been lost in the angry online debates where the opinions are staunch and the posts are stench.

I am not going to pretend I know what goes on in the mind of someone who faces depression or addiction. I fortunately have been blessed to have a life free of those trials. While I have not personally experienced such things first hand, I know others who have. I acknowledge that those who do have those problems certainly have clouded judgment and illogical reasoning. As a result they may not be wholly responsible for their acts. I do not know or understand what could drive a person to make such extreme choices, but it is clear that they have a terrible struggle that is both painful and dangerous. Therefore, I refuse to judge a man on this one act of desperation as some people have. Instead, I will look at the whole of his life and appreciate him for his successes and his positive influence. The rest is up to a power much higher and much more merciful than human judgment.

This is obviously an extreme example. However, I think it shows us some important things about selfishness:

1.       Even the most selfless people can get caught up in a selfish choice. I feel it is important to make this distinction. A single act of selfishness does not make you a selfish person. I feel it is equally important to understand that a long history of uninterrupted and unrepentant selfish acts does make you a selfish person.

2.       We often make a selfish choice when we are past feeling or our judgment is clouded. It is extremely easy to be become unaware of what we do, think, and feel if we are not vigilant. No one is perfect. Therefore we should not reasonably expect to live perfectly. Of course, that doesn’t give us a free pass to let our thoughts and actions wildly go wherever the wind takes them.

3.       Selfish choices do not always have the intention to cause heartache and hurt. Some people may honestly feel that their decision is actually for the benefit of others. Others feel that their actions truly only affect themselves and no others. Be careful not to trick yourself into thinking this way. These opinions are what allow addiction, and other mental diseases like depression, to control and destroy the lives of those they affect. But we often justify our actions to ourselves by saying those same things in other situations.

4.       One selfish act does not have to define your life. Like I mentioned before, you will make selfish decision at some point. We all do. People don’t do themselves any favors by taking offense to the idea that they, or someone they admire, are selfish people. I think those people that recognize and accept this have a better chance at living a selfless life. These are people who humbly recognize their mistakes and are sincere in their efforts to make things right. If you commit a selfish act, you can fix it. If you are a selfish person, you can change.

Selfishness is a real issue with real consequences. This is a time when people are more self-absorbed, self-indulged, self-entitled, self-satisfied, and self-righteous. These traits have spread like weeds and caused damage and grief to many people. Ironically, the damage done to us is often self-inflicted. Even with the utmost care, these things can take root in your life and grow. Therefore, your life requires constant care and tending to remove the weeds of selfishness if you are to have any hope of living a selfless life.

If you are interested, these links have some excellent content on selfishness vs. selflessness.

To sum this all up, I could easily advise you to not be selfish. However, I feel that would be highly ineffective and slightly hypocritical. I have a hard time faulting someone for selfishness. As noted, I myself am naturally a selfish being. You are too. Do what you can to avoid a selfish life. But above all else, humbly recognize when you have been selfish and genuinely strive to fix the problems your selfishness causes. When you struggle, there are always people who love and appreciate you. Whatever the struggle may be, there is hope and help.

What Fathers Need

I have loved everything about being a father so far! It has been one of the most fulfilling experiences that I have had. The best part is… there is so much more to experience. I am beyond blessed and privileged.

This week has been a special one. Oliver and Mom are away visiting family and it has made me realize just how much I miss and love them. Life gets pretty boring when you get home from work knowing that dinner will be awful and company will be lonely. As loving as our dog Chief is, he just has no capacity for conversation beyond “sit”, “treat”, and “potty”. Not to mention, he is the worst x-box partner ever.

Such a noob!

So I am approaching my first Father’s Day ever. Naturally, everyone asks the question “what does dad want?” The list can be short or long. Some lists will include the new golf set, cheesy ties, or batch of his favorite cookies. It’s difficult summing up your entire feelings of gratitude towards the man who raised you with something along those lines. Nonetheless, most dads I know wholeheartedly accept the praise and gifts. You see, dads aren’t always looking to get recognition or daily praise. That’s likely a good thing; little urchins aren’t always readily expressing their thanks even when it is warranted. I know this because I was often one of those ungrateful urchins. No… Fathers aren’t so concerned about apparent and tangible things like their wants. They would rather you focus on something a little more subliminal: their needs.

We don’t often think of fathers in this scope. Maybe because he does such a great job at meeting our needs, we tend to think he doesn’t have any. We all might think that he has things all put together so well that his needs have long been met and sorted out. How else could he have the time or energy to deal with ours? Rest assured, dad has needs just like you or mom has needs. More importantly, his needs have to be met just like yours and moms.

It shouldn’t be surprising that Dad would have needs. When you consider all the things he faces on a daily basis, it becomes very apparent that he has needs. I am not talking about the obvious things that we think about. Of course we know dad spends hours working away from home. Of course he sacrifices time to go to our games or spend time playing with us. Of course he drives for hours on family vacations without having to visit a rest stop (a superhuman and annoying feat in the eyes of all bladder dancing kids everywhere). Of course he does all those things, and he does them well. But those things are easy compared to some of the other challenges he faces.

Modern fathers are facing unique challenges. Slowly, the influence of their role seemingly fades and diminishes with every passing year. It has gotten to the point that the respect and honor society has expressed towards fatherhood is at an all time low. Don’t believe me? I challenge you sometime in the future to pay close attention to your favorite TV shows and movies. When you do, pay close attention to how the father is portrayed. From what I have seen, you would believe most fathers are lazy, irresponsible, naïve, destructive, buffoonish, disengaged, or some combination of these. In almost every instance, their weaknesses are highlighted and their strengths are minimal. I don’t intend to condemn TV. I love many of these shows and don’t plan on giving them up in the near future. However, it is hard to ignore the extent to which these shows will demean and belittle fathers.

Now, silly TV shows aren’t enough to warrant national panic about the influence of fatherhood. But public sentiment towards them is. There exist circles of thought that emphatically believe that fathers are expendable. Some even come to think that fathers are completely unnecessary to create and maintain a healthy functioning family. Some societal movements, purposely or unknowingly, scoff at and mock the idea that fathers play an essential role. Many claim Fathers now can be replaced easily by another mom or a system that will meet a child's needs. On the surface, it may seem that fatherhood has been reduced to some superfluous stint performed by mediocre men.

The truth is, nothing in this world can adequately replace the role of a real father who serves as a teacher, protector, and leader. Additionally, I think every child has a fundamental right to a loving father and mother. Experience has and will show the tremendous impact of a good father on his family and his community.

Fatherhood is a key element in any family. As such, I think it is reasonable to say that sustaining and maintaining the ideals of fatherhood is a family responsibility. Families work together to uplift and edify one another. Mothers and children don’t need to leave dad to bear the burden alone. In fact, both have unique obligations to help dad with his needs.

Wives:

1. Let him offer you service. Your husband needs to opportunity to exercise their abilities as a father. Doing so empowers them and helps them improve as a person. A lack of those opportunities can lead to feelings of inadequacy and uselessness. Don’t interpret your husband’s desire to suggest solutions as a desire for dominance. Rather, see it for what it really is: the desire to help you and make you happy.
2. Understand what it is to be a help-meet. I firmly believe that women are to be a help meet to their husbands. Unfortunately, many think of this to be a sign of weakness. I see it I like this. We often say, “Behind every good man is a good woman.” In reality, it is more like “beside every good man is a good woman.” A help meet does not hide in someone else’s shadow. Prior to the word’s translation from Hebrew, help- meet had deeper verbal meanings such as “to rescue”, “to save”, “to be strong”. He needs a rescuer, a savior, or strength from time to time. You can be that person. Sure doesn’t sound like weakness to me.
3.  Strengthen your own self-esteem. You are the world to your husband. Everything he does he essentially does for you. You are his number one, even above his own children. With that in mind, can you see how demoralizing it is when he sees that all his efforts to make you happy and successful have little or no effect? It becomes even harder for him when he is lacking confidence and needs someone to uplift him. He needs to know that someone strong, capable, and stable trusts him and believes in his capabilities.      

Children:

1. Ask for his advice. You will be surprised how much he knows. At some point in his life, he more than likely had experiences very similar to your own. You don’t always have to follow the advice that he offers. In some cases, following his advice would not be advisable. However, you would be very foolish to not at least seek his counsel on many important matters. Dad needs to be there for you in tough times.
2. Find some common interests with him. Dads are not mindless drones who exist to work and that’s all. Or at least they should not be. He has interests and loves to have fun just as much as you. Remember, his level of maturity may not be that far above yours when it comes to entertainment. Have fun with him. I promise that if you do he can become one of your closest friends. Dad needs to have fun with his children.
3. Be patient with him.  Dads are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Yet for all our faults, the love we have for you is near perfect. No one will love you the way your father loves you. It is something so different and unique. That being said, grant him your patience. Dad needs you to be understanding and forgiving. It is probable that he has afforded you a level of patience unmatched by any other human being, excluding your mother.

It is the little and constant things like these that make all the difference for a father. Many fathers would trade away several golf days, outdoor barbeques, fishing trips, and personal wants for the small daily things. As I said, they would rather focus on their needs over their wants. And now, more than ever before, your father NEEDS you.

 I personally am very thankful for the good influence of a father who taught me to work, to respect, and enjoy life. I have needed him many times in my life and there has never been an instance where he didn’t come through for me in some way. Most fathers I know feel the same towards their families. Take time to thank yours this Father’s Day. Do what you can to express your gratitude for his sacrifices. But when the day is over and the world moves past another Father’s Day, don’t forget what your father needs.

Welcome Oliver!

March 31, 2014 at 6:49 in the evening, we said hello to this little guy…

7lbs 11oz and 20" long

Introducing Oliver James Gulbranson! We absolutely love the newest member of our family. The entire process went as smoothly as could be.

We are happy he came when he did. Another few long hours would have made him an April Fools baby. Admittedly, I would have made every birthday epic if that were the case. Yet, I believe he would get tired of being promised a grandiose gift like a brand new car only to be let down and dejected every birthday. So, as any good father does, I happily sacrifice years of entertainment in deference to happy childhood birthdays. You’re welcome Oliver. (Truth be told, I didn’t really have much choice in the matter. Mom scowled at my jested suggestion that she hold on for a few more hours).

Moms new favorite activity: Snuggles

You are a tough boy to snuggle with. That’s not your fault though. You are just too precious to put down. Between an affectionate Mom, generous grandparents, and adoring aunts, there are limited moments to cuddle and hold you. That’s ok though. You and I have big plans together far beyond cuddling! There will be golf, football, fishing, and a whole bunch of manly stuff in your future. For now though, I am content to hold your tiny self in my arms while I can. 

Returning home from the hospital

The last few days have been some of the most special of my life. With every passing day, our love for you grows exponentially. It is a love that I have never felt before and it has consumed me entirely. This has resulted in many feelings. Most of them can be summed up as excitement, adoration, and gratitude. I look forward to seeing you become a happy, productive, and inspiring individual. Just don’t get there too fast! Take your time so we can enjoy your innocence and bask in your cheerfulness.

In the few short days that you have been here, you have already made incredible changes in our life. We have enjoyed them all so far. I am sure there will be some less than favorable moments in the near future. There are hundreds of diaper changes, long nights, and fussy moments ahead. But for now you are perfect! I am thrilled to be a part of your life, and grateful that you are now a part of mine.

First family portrait

Have the Courage to Run

Let’s set the scene here.

A lone gritty hero stands atop a roof in the middle of a storming wind. The air is darkening as a swirling black cloud blurs the sun. Everyone else has frantically retreated, terrified at the oncoming horde of villains; everyone but the steely eyed hero. He stands alone and unafraid. With no regard for his safety, he unnervingly stares down the destruction-determined enemy. The fate of everyone rests upon his bold shoulders. In the face of the increasing pressure, there is only one thing that sustains the hero: His courage.

The story is the same almost everywhere. We are fascinated with the courage exemplified by protagonists in movies, comics and books. We love to see our heroes overcome extreme personal loss and then valiantly confront all-powerful villains. Even from a young age we can acknowledge and appreciate heroic courage. In an attempt to emulate that courage, children will devotedly adorn themselves with masks, helmets, and capes. As you age, your understanding of courage will deepen. Eventually, new heroes will inspire you to confront your daily villains disguised as illness, hardship, heartache, and injustice. I am thankful for inspired authors and creative minds that can portray courage well enough to inspire others to seek it.

Media portrayal of heroism is indicative of the value we place on courage. However, we typically only see one form of courage on television. This is the courage that provokes you to take a stand and face your fears. Every hero has this type of courage. But there is a second type of courage, and it is equally important. In addition to having the courage to stand, the greatest heroes also possess the courage to run.

Doesn't sound very glamorous, does it? In fact, it sounds like cowardice to most people. That is because we are bombarded with images of heroes with the courage to stand. In most minds, running is the antithesis of courage. Running is associated with everything that goes against conventional courage. Runners are cowards who wince, flinch, recoil, and tremble when faced with fear. You need to remember that every villain is different. While many times you will need the courage to stand, some of the most significant battles are won with a more subtle and less charismatic form of courage.

Due to the unglamorous nature of this topic, this is not an easy concept to illustrate. The bottom line is that too many people don’t understand what it means to have the courage to run. However, I think this story illustrates my point well. This is an excerpt from a discourse given during the October 2012 LDS General Conference:

Some years ago, John was accepted at a prestigious Japanese university. He would be part of the international student program with many other top students from around the world. Some enrolled with a hope to deepen their understanding of the culture and language, others viewed it as a stepping-stone to an eventual profession and employment in Japan, but all had left home to study in a foreign country.

Soon after John’s arrival, word of a party to be held on the rooftop of a private residence spread among the foreign student population. That evening, John and two friends made their way to the advertised address.

Following an elevator ride to the top floor of the building, John and his friends navigated the single narrow stairway leading to the rooftop and began mingling with the others. As the night wore on, the atmosphere changed. The noise, music volume, and alcohol amplified, as did John’s uneasiness. Then suddenly someone began organizing the students into a large circle with the intent of sharing marijuana cigarettes. John grimaced and quickly informed his two friends that it was time to leave. Almost in ridicule, one of them replied, “John, this is easy—we’ll just stand in the circle, and when it is our turn, we’ll just pass it along rather than smoke it. That way we won’t have to embarrass ourselves in front of everyone by leaving.” This sounded easy to John, but it did not sound right. He knew he had to announce his intention and act. In a moment he mustered his courage and told them that they could do as they wished, but he was leaving. One friend decided to stay and joined the circle; the other reluctantly followed John down the stairs to board the elevator. Much to their surprise, when the elevator doors opened, Japanese police officers poured out and hurried to ascend the stairs to the rooftop. John and his friend boarded the elevator and departed.

When the police appeared at the top of the stairs, the students quickly threw the illegal drugs off the roof so they wouldn't be caught. After securing the stairway, however, the officers lined up everyone on the roof and asked each student to extend both hands. The officers then walked down the line, carefully smelling each student’s thumbs and index fingers. All who had held the marijuana, whether they had smoked it or not, were presumed guilty, and there were huge consequences. Almost without exception, the students who had remained on the rooftop were expelled from their respective universities, and those convicted of a crime were likely deported from Japan. Dreams of an education, years of preparation, and the possibility of future employment in Japan were dashed in a moment.

Heroes who have the courage to stand are generally praised and applauded. In contrast, heroes with the courage to run face ridicule and embarrassment. Often, that ridicule will originate from the people you thought you could trust, leaving you with feelings of abandonment and solitude. That is why it is so difficult to develop the courage to run. On top of feeling alone, the very people that should be your allies will jeer, criticize, and mock you. Regardless of their reactions, keep going. Don’t look back. While you may feel immense loneliness for a time, your example will eventually inspire others to follow.

Obviously, there are moments where running is a totally inappropriate response when facing your villains. You will have to courageously stand up to bullies and stand up for victims from time to time. You cannot run from problems that demand your attention. However, do not underestimate the wisdom in running as well. It will often be difficult to know if is appropriate to run or stand. But as you practice courage and do what you know is right, it will become easier with each new villain.

 As you confront new villains and enter foreign battlefields, may I suggest a few scenarios where you can apply this advice?

1)      Run from culturally popular crusades that only appeal to emotion and not reason.

It seems that everyone must have a compelling cause to join. People are too often driven to seek a gaudy sense of purpose and desire to bring about change or rectify some wrong. I candidly acknowledge that there are some serious societal problems that plague humanity. Some of them must be addressed too. However, there are some battles that just aren't necessary and even distract from more serious problems that are ignored way too often.

2)      Run from friendships that do not respect your values.

There are millions of decent human beings that are worth befriending. Why waste your time on those that put you down or demonize you? I am not suggesting you befriend people who share all the same opinions, beliefs, and interests as you. On the contrary, you will need friends that can talk you out of some stupid things. However, choose friends that will build you up and hold you to high standards.

3)      Run from situations that will compromise your integrity and principles.

Our natural curiosity motivates us to do some pretty awesome things! A lot of creativity and innovation stem from that curiosity. However, it can lead us to some situations that cause us to push the moral boundaries we set for ourselves. Do not gamble with your integrity or principles for a brief moment of self-gratification or cursory indulgence. Lives can be permanently damaged in seconds, and the consequences can last a life time.

4)      Run from relationships that are abusive in any form.

While there are millions of wonderful people, there sadly exist hundreds of mean spirited and ill-behaved people as well. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can save or change somebody. If a person abuses you emotionally or physically, you owe that person nothing. Run from them. There are no courageous qualities for taking the abuse day after day. You deserve to be treated as a valuable human being.

5)      Run from degenerate media.

Technology offers some significant benefits that promise us the highest standards of living. However, it can do immeasurable damage to people who choose not to filter out degenerate and degrading material. Do not bog yourself down in the mire of pornographic filth. Don’t immerse yourself in pointless angry banter that attacks others and shuts down debate. There are a myriad of things to do with technology. You literally have more at your fingertips than any prior generation. Use it for worthwhile things.

I hope you develop the courage to confront your villains when required, and run from them when necessary. Have the courage to stand alone and run alone. Each challenge you face will be new and unique.  But regardless of the enemy or the situation, courage will enable you to overcome any challenge, win any battle, and survive every struggle.  

Capturing the Moment vs. Enjoying the Moment

Through no fault of my own, I have developed one of my dad’s favorite pastimes. It’s not easy for me to admit this since I have often ridiculed him for it. I finally now have to admit it, I am a people watcher. In particular, I tend to watch people during weddings, funerals, sporting events, or other memorable events. I’m not proud of it, and it most likely embarrasses Kara, but I am fascinated at how people behave during a memorable moment.

No matter what the event, I always see a handful of people that always have their phone or camera out to capture the special moment. They eagerly trail wherever the action is, emphatically snapping photos at one instant and vigorously recording video the next. The moment is all too important to ignore, therefore it must be documented religiously. While I do think it is great that people recognize the significance or importance of a moment, they often can rob themselves of a great experience. They choose the capture the moment over enjoying the moment.

What are you missing behind that 2 1/2 inch screen?

Moments are not made of just images or videos. A moment is generated by so many different things in combination with an image. In addition to seeing, what do you feel? What do you hear? What is happening outside the lens? What are you missing outside the narrow optics of your camera? What will you remember after unlocking your phone, selecting the right app, turning off the flash, zooming in, and focusing the lens? After taking all that time to capture the moment, did you leave enough time to experience it?

Please know that I am not an archaic anti-camera crusader. There is no doubt in my mind that documenting special experiences is a worthwhile endeavor. I have been the beneficiary of people who have documented important moments in my life. I would be disingenuous if I didn't admit to looking back at those photos or videos to remember the positive experiences of my lifetime. However, there is value in stepping back from the lens and fully experiencing the moment at hand without a digital filter.

Thankfully, it has never been so easy to capture a moment like it is now. At virtually any time, we can snap a picture, edit it, and send it out to as many people as we like. So you can argue that instead of reducing our ability to enjoy an experience, cameras have actually enhanced those experiences and allowed for us to share them with others. In response to that, I agree 100%! There are many appropriate times to document and share a moment with others, and I am grateful that my friends and family share their moments with me. However, don’t deny yourself of an uplifting experience for the sake of capturing it all on film.

Take a step back. See the bigger picture. Pay attention to your feelings and enjoy the moment altogether. No photo or image will ever create the feelings you would have otherwise experienced had you actually enjoyed the moment.

 By nature, moments are short and fleeting. They are instant, yet stirring. A single moment can have lasting effects on our lives. In fact, a single moment can be the catalyst for enduring change. I think that is why we have become obsessed with preserving moments through photos of videos. Moments mean so much to us.

For these reasons, I encourage you not to miss a moment. If you can capture it without diminishing its value, then by all means you should. Just remember… if you’re too busy trying to capture the moment, you might just miss it entirely.

Mad Dash

Springtime is here! Along with the warmer days and greener sights comes the promise of backyard barbecues and family fun. I contend there are few activities that combine food and fun like a Gulbranson family barbecue. I have been thinking about them constantly over the past few days! No doubt you can add food to any Gulbranson family occasion, and it is likely to become an instant classic. However, what separates a Gulbranson family barbecue from any other food extravaganza are the games played following the food.

Gulbranson backyards have seen many summer games; everything from bocce and football, to horseshoes and baseball. Yet there is one game that has defined Gulbranson barbecues for nearly a decade. It has remained relatively unknown to the outside world, but I feel a strong obligation to ensure it remains relevant to my posterity. Allow me to give you a rare glimpse into the legendary world of Mad Dash.

While Mad Dash is a game for everyone, it heavily favors the nimble and accurate (neither are traits most Gulbransons possess following a vigorous barbecue meal). In its most poetic form, it is the arena wherein you can witness the weak, the strong, and the food-induced comatose be hewed down by an endless barrage of 12-inch-plastic-frisbee majesty. To the victors go all the honors and accolades a backyard sport can afford, whilst the defeated leave only with grass-stains, welts, and injured pride. Taking the concepts of conventional dodge-ball, and elevating the fear and passion to new heights, Mad Dash is a spectacle you don’t want to miss out on.

The rules are fairly simple. You will likely draw many comparisons to dodge-ball. However, I can assure you that this game is a different monster in its own right. So for the first time ever, I have published the rules and regulations for the game of Mad Dash:

1. Equipment

1.1) The number of Frisbees used in the game often varies, but it is advisable to have 6 to 10 for a game. Standard models for Frisbees are based on President’s Choice ice cream lids and generic Frisbee models. Frisbees are not to exceed 12” in diameter.

Generic Mad Dash Frisbee Model

2. Court

2.1) All Mad Dash games must take place on a grass court, preferably allocated in a yard. Court must be large enough to allow at least 12 people to move comfortably around the lawn. Both sides are evenly divided by a center line.

3. Game Objective

3.1) Eliminate all opposing players by hitting them with Frisbees. Be the last team standing.

4. Rules of the Game

4.1) Prior to starting the game, all Frisbees are distributed evenly along the center line and both teams are required to wait at the back of their respective halves of the court. Upon commencing the game, players will rush towards the center to gain possession of the Frisbees. Upon gaining possession of a Frisbee, you can commence to throw opposing players out from anywhere on your side of the court.

**Strategic Note**: Younger nephews or relatives make excellent Frisbee fodder during the initial frenzy.

Uncle Mike is about to ring the ceremonial chime to start the game. Notice that Uncle Kaelen, Uncle Mike, and myself have strategically positioned ourselves right behind the Frisbee fodder line. Since it was Kara's first game, she also joined our proud Frisbee fodder line (she didn't know better).

4.2) To be considered “out” you must be cleanly hit by a Frisbee, or have an opposing player catch your Frisbee. Head shots are considered viable. Upon being out, you must sit on your team’s bench in order from which you were out. Frisbees caught result in the Frisbee-thrower going out and the Frisbee-catcher reinstating a teammate from the out-bench.  If a Frisbee hits an opposing player but gets caught by one of the hit player's teammates, the thrower is out, a player gets reinstated, and the player who got hit stays in. Consequently, if a Frisbee hits multiple players and the Frisbee hits the ground without being caught, all hit players are considered out.

**Strategic Note**: Avoid excessive trash talking or inciting opposing players while close to the center line. Karma has not been kind to the faces of flamboyant provokers and pesky instagators.

4.3) At any time during the game, a player may cross the center line into the opposing team’s territory to retrieve an unclaimed Frisbee. Upon doing so, the invading player must shout “Mad Dash!” An invading player may not throw or catch an opposing players Frisbee. Any contact with an opposing players Frisbee while on a Mad Dash will result in the invading player being sent to the out-bench.

**Strategic Note**: Younger relatives also make excellent shields if they are light enough to carry when you feel inclined to perform a Mad Dash.

4.4) When a team is down to a single player, that player has two minutes to finish off the rest of the opposing team, or reinstate a teammate on the out bench. Failure to accomplish at least one of these tasks within the aforementioned time limit will result in the implementation of the Open Season rule. Once the time is up, Open Season is declared by the opposing team’s out-bench. This declaration renders all restrictions by the centerline nonexistent, effectively hastening the end of the game.

**Strategic Note**: Seriously, do not underestimate the usefulness of the younger kids. They can become your most effective tools for victory!

I cannot emphasize enough how fun this is!! With the right group of guys (and kids I might add), this became an instant family classic that endures in the minds of Uncles, nephews, and brothers to this day. I look forward to the day you join the ranks of the legendary Dashers in our family. Until that time, keep your head up, feet moving, and don’t hold grudges against your uncles if they shamelessly use your “unique” talents to gain an advantage on the field. Remember… it’s all for the team.

Long-Suffering

Rub some dirt on it!

Shake it off!

Hold your knee!

Suck it up!

Take it like a man!

Walk it off!

How many times have you heard these words, or at least some variation of them? For your sake, I hope you hear them often. This is no news flash: life is tough. Sometimes it is ridiculously tough. At the end of every man’s rope, there is a new rock bottom previously undiscovered. At the depths of every rock bottom, you may find that you have reached all new lows. Once you have fallen to record lows, you may find yourself far enough down to be in the dumps. This helpless tumble into heartache and despair can weigh you down until you feel you have reached even hell itself.

When we are in the middle of our ill-fated free-falls, probably the last thing we want is for someone to tell us to “shake it off!” “Get your head in the game!” or “Get over it!” Often it is the thing we need to hear most.

Long-suffering is a noble characteristic that few people know of, and even fewer people possess it. The name itself can be a little misleading. A long-suffering person is not an unlucky, injury-prone, miserable, or cursed being. A long-suffering person does not endure misfortune for extended periods of time.  A long-suffering person does not play a victim in an endless tragedy of loss, trial, or calamity. Long-suffering goes far beyond these shallow and inaccurate representations.

Long-suffering is the ability to patiently overcome lasting hardship and adversity. This is a quality that I feel separates the perpetually happy from the incessantly sad. It is a quality that I hope all my children will develop. It is a characteristic that I work on constantly. Sometimes I am pretty good at it. Other times it escapes me completely. But the difference it makes in my life has been intensely obvious. I would like to share with you a few thoughts on what makes this quality so unique and beneficial.

Long-suffering is the ability to PATIENTLY overcome lasting hardship and adversity.

Patience is a huge part of what it means to be long-suffering. It is necessary because the period during which you will suffer is very long. I would argue that some people suffer for their whole life to some degree. Some people are born with severe illnesses and disfigured bodies that will never be made right in this life. In spite of this, they do more to inspire happiness and courage that any able-bodied athlete or celebrity. These people candidly challenge the misconception that suffering is the antithesis of happiness. They prove that one can suffer and be happy simultaneously. In fact, I would argue that one cannot fully understand what it is to be happy without mortal dose of suffering. So when you suffer, be hopeful. Be grateful. Be patient.

Long-suffering is the ability to patiently OVERCOME lasting hardship and adversity.

Long-suffering is not a passive human characteristic. It is not enough to simply endure and outlast the problems that life will inevitably throw at us. Rather, we must overcome them.

I grew up with a group of fantastic friends. I have one friend in particular that I have always admired. We spent many years playing sports together and having some great experiences during high-school. A few years ago, his younger sister disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Her disappearance shocked the community and sparked a massive search to find her. Thus far, the efforts to find her have yielded little results and she remains missing. It has been a very harrowing and difficult experience for my friend and his family. Yet despite the heartache and suffering they have experienced, they choose to overcome and not just to endure. Rather than seclude themselves to a life of angst and silence, they continue to search. They continue to raise awareness. They continue to inspire hundreds of people with their efforts. They are not enduring their tragedy. They are overcoming it.

When seen from this perspective, long-suffering is a call to action. It is a call to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. There is work to do. There are people who need you. There are changes that need to be made. When you suffer, don’t just endure your trials. Don’t just outlast your trials. Overcome them.

Long-suffering is the ability to patiently overcome LASTING hardship and adversity.

This is probably the toughest thing to acknowledge when we talk about long-suffering. Sometimes the suffering is indeed, very long. Life itself is a long series of punches. We are presented with hardship after hardship. At times, it seems like they never may end. Maybe they won’t. Understanding what role hardship and grief play in our lives is important. There is no success without hardship. There is no happiness without grief.

There is not a single moment, but many defining moments where we must make a choice. We can choose to settle for being miserable, give in to our personal flaws, and not reach our true potential. Or we can choose to be long-suffering by overcoming our hardships today while believing someday our lives will be better. I would prefer to choose the later.

Human beings have an incredible ability to make life miserable. We are so good at finding trouble, and even better at letting trouble find us. However, what is more incredible is our ability to turn our misery into victory. We have turned bloodshed and tyranny into freedom and prosperity. We have turned hatred and ignorance into peace and understanding. It will be hard, but remember that within you exists a transcendent ability to turn your rock bottom into a solid foundation.