Mad Dash

Springtime is here! Along with the warmer days and greener sights comes the promise of backyard barbecues and family fun. I contend there are few activities that combine food and fun like a Gulbranson family barbecue. I have been thinking about them constantly over the past few days! No doubt you can add food to any Gulbranson family occasion, and it is likely to become an instant classic. However, what separates a Gulbranson family barbecue from any other food extravaganza are the games played following the food.

Gulbranson backyards have seen many summer games; everything from bocce and football, to horseshoes and baseball. Yet there is one game that has defined Gulbranson barbecues for nearly a decade. It has remained relatively unknown to the outside world, but I feel a strong obligation to ensure it remains relevant to my posterity. Allow me to give you a rare glimpse into the legendary world of Mad Dash.

While Mad Dash is a game for everyone, it heavily favors the nimble and accurate (neither are traits most Gulbransons possess following a vigorous barbecue meal). In its most poetic form, it is the arena wherein you can witness the weak, the strong, and the food-induced comatose be hewed down by an endless barrage of 12-inch-plastic-frisbee majesty. To the victors go all the honors and accolades a backyard sport can afford, whilst the defeated leave only with grass-stains, welts, and injured pride. Taking the concepts of conventional dodge-ball, and elevating the fear and passion to new heights, Mad Dash is a spectacle you don’t want to miss out on.

The rules are fairly simple. You will likely draw many comparisons to dodge-ball. However, I can assure you that this game is a different monster in its own right. So for the first time ever, I have published the rules and regulations for the game of Mad Dash:

1. Equipment

1.1) The number of Frisbees used in the game often varies, but it is advisable to have 6 to 10 for a game. Standard models for Frisbees are based on President’s Choice ice cream lids and generic Frisbee models. Frisbees are not to exceed 12” in diameter.

Generic Mad Dash Frisbee Model

2. Court

2.1) All Mad Dash games must take place on a grass court, preferably allocated in a yard. Court must be large enough to allow at least 12 people to move comfortably around the lawn. Both sides are evenly divided by a center line.

3. Game Objective

3.1) Eliminate all opposing players by hitting them with Frisbees. Be the last team standing.

4. Rules of the Game

4.1) Prior to starting the game, all Frisbees are distributed evenly along the center line and both teams are required to wait at the back of their respective halves of the court. Upon commencing the game, players will rush towards the center to gain possession of the Frisbees. Upon gaining possession of a Frisbee, you can commence to throw opposing players out from anywhere on your side of the court.

**Strategic Note**: Younger nephews or relatives make excellent Frisbee fodder during the initial frenzy.

Uncle Mike is about to ring the ceremonial chime to start the game. Notice that Uncle Kaelen, Uncle Mike, and myself have strategically positioned ourselves right behind the Frisbee fodder line. Since it was Kara's first game, she also joined our proud Frisbee fodder line (she didn't know better).

4.2) To be considered “out” you must be cleanly hit by a Frisbee, or have an opposing player catch your Frisbee. Head shots are considered viable. Upon being out, you must sit on your team’s bench in order from which you were out. Frisbees caught result in the Frisbee-thrower going out and the Frisbee-catcher reinstating a teammate from the out-bench.  If a Frisbee hits an opposing player but gets caught by one of the hit player's teammates, the thrower is out, a player gets reinstated, and the player who got hit stays in. Consequently, if a Frisbee hits multiple players and the Frisbee hits the ground without being caught, all hit players are considered out.

**Strategic Note**: Avoid excessive trash talking or inciting opposing players while close to the center line. Karma has not been kind to the faces of flamboyant provokers and pesky instagators.

4.3) At any time during the game, a player may cross the center line into the opposing team’s territory to retrieve an unclaimed Frisbee. Upon doing so, the invading player must shout “Mad Dash!” An invading player may not throw or catch an opposing players Frisbee. Any contact with an opposing players Frisbee while on a Mad Dash will result in the invading player being sent to the out-bench.

**Strategic Note**: Younger relatives also make excellent shields if they are light enough to carry when you feel inclined to perform a Mad Dash.

4.4) When a team is down to a single player, that player has two minutes to finish off the rest of the opposing team, or reinstate a teammate on the out bench. Failure to accomplish at least one of these tasks within the aforementioned time limit will result in the implementation of the Open Season rule. Once the time is up, Open Season is declared by the opposing team’s out-bench. This declaration renders all restrictions by the centerline nonexistent, effectively hastening the end of the game.

**Strategic Note**: Seriously, do not underestimate the usefulness of the younger kids. They can become your most effective tools for victory!

I cannot emphasize enough how fun this is!! With the right group of guys (and kids I might add), this became an instant family classic that endures in the minds of Uncles, nephews, and brothers to this day. I look forward to the day you join the ranks of the legendary Dashers in our family. Until that time, keep your head up, feet moving, and don’t hold grudges against your uncles if they shamelessly use your “unique” talents to gain an advantage on the field. Remember… it’s all for the team.