Envy and Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is on our door step. That means ample portions of football, turkey, mashed potatoes, and pie. The combination of food and sports makes Thanksgiving one of the most Gulbranson-Compatible holidays. This might explain why we love to celebrate both Canadian and American Thanksgivings. It also marks the beginning of the best time of year where people generally start to feel more amiable and more charitable. It is hard to not enjoy the increased sense of gratitude and goodwill among the population. It is a very inspiring time of year.

I think we revere thanksgiving and gratitude so much because they are relatively rare compared to their counterparts envy and greed. There are so many who hold angry and indignant feelings towards others. Pouters and gripers see the world as “they have this” and “they shouldn’t have that”. There is little wonder why gratitude is scarcely found outside the Thanksgiving season.

These feelings are not altogether bad. We need to feel a sense of urgency and desire in order to get anywhere in life. Without it, no progress would be made at all. When we look at people and their successful relationships and accomplishments, it should serve as an excellent motivator. You should aspire to be where they are and to obtain what they have. Competitive nature may even drive you to accomplish more. These emotions should cause you to look within and ask, “What can I do to enjoy that type of success?” Instead, we are predisposed to point fingers elsewhere, seeking to limit others and stunt their own growth. In this frame of mind, the question we end up asking is “Why do they deserve that?”

Can you see the difference? Honest observers will recognize it is a "Me vs. Them" conflict. The justification for this conflict stems from the belief that someone else's good fortune is responsible for your misfortune. Rather than acknowledge your own power and capability to achieve success, you willingly throw that to the side and opt for the easy way out: someone else is to blame for your lack of success or someone else’s wealth and enjoyment is dampening your own. Thinking in this way consumes your will to accomplish, replacing it with a lust for “leveling the playing field”. But there is a problem with leveling the playing field. Once you have eliminated the steep climbs and flattened the challenging inclines, no one can reach the pinnacle of success.

Many people argue that envy is the result of the excess and the prosperity enjoyed by others. I would argue that the root cause of envy and jealousy is our inability to distinguish reality from our own perceptions. Envy is a reckless ignorance of the bigger picture. An envious person sees only the façade. The object of their envy is a polished product that is the result of so many unenviable practices such as patience, hard-work, and dedication. Without peeking behind the scenes, the envious will never be able to answer “why do they deserve that?”

There is no better example of this than the societal envy of the wealthy. This is a common outrage in our culture. The conflict between the Have’s and Have-Not’s has grown steadily in recent years. Topics like wages, taxes, benefits, subsidies, welfare, and exemptions are hotly contested. The reasonable consensus is that everyone SHOULD be paying in to society. Regardless of stature or status, both the poor and the rich have the shared responsibility to be good citizens. But there is a growing condemnation for all things wealth related. The genuine applause for earning riches is slowly being silenced by the rowdy castigation of financial success.

Some time ago, I had a conversation with a close friend about business. The topic turned to CEO’s and entrepreneurs and what it takes to be successful. To my surprise, he candidly chastised successful business people. When I pressed him on his reasoning, he could only respond by saying, “There is absolutely no possible way you can get that rich without being a shady unethical person!” The underlying assumption was that once you have reached a particular tax bracket, you are instantly callous, unfeeling, underhanded, selfish, corrupt, and undeserving.

What my friend failed to understand, and what many people fail to understand, is the amount of effort and hard work it takes to attain that level of success. Nearly every wealthy person is supported by years of education, failures, experiences, trials, sacrifices, determination, and patience. To me, those are qualities more deserving of admiration and not condemnation. In fact, a majority of us don’t bother to go through those harrowing years of failure and stress. Furthermore, the assumption that rich people sit on their money and gleefully roll around in mountains of gold coins it utterly false. Anyone willing to understand how economies work will know that wealthy citizens put their money to work! The money goes to start new businesses, which in turn hires more people and fosters more opportunities. The money pours into charities and organizations whose purpose is to help people in need. The money pays the salary of the yacht maintenance crew, or the private jet crew, or the cooking staff. They in turn bring that money home to feed their families and build their communities. This is all done in addition to paying taxes. The assumption that all rich people horde wealth and don’t look out for anyone but themselves is deceitful.

Do some people get rich through unethical means? Of course they do! Just as some poor people choose to barely survive and get by unethical means. But the cases are far fewer than we are led to believe. That behavior always has a way of catching up to you as well. Justice will be served at some point.

This brings us back to the immorality of envy. Envy goes far beyond wanting what others have. It is also wanting others to lack or fail because of what they have. It is the eager anticipation that someone whom we perceive as undeserving will experience loss, limitation, or ruin. If that way of thinking isn’t considered backwards and evil, I don’t know what is.

In the end, envy will leave us right back where we left off; deficient and angry. Even if the envious person gets what they wanted in the wake of another party’s failure, satisfaction is distant and out of reach.  Feeling justified by an “I told you so” attitude, a person will have to endure the effects of envy for an unknown period of time. In fact, they will unknowingly suffer from those effects until they decide to embrace gratitude and celebrate success. That is the only cure and protection we have against envy.

Combating envy is not easy. No person is exempt from its influence. For every struggling poor person, there is a rich man. For every loving relationship, there is a broken one. For every Kansas City Chief, there is a Denver Bronco. No matter what you have, there is always someone who has more of it. From time to time, others will reap the benefits of good fortune. With enough patience, you can count on reaping those benefits as well.

Jeffery R. Holland echoed this sentiment when he explained “…there are going to be times in our lives when someone gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt – and certainly not to feel envious – when good fortune happens to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed.”

This is a unique time of year. We get a nationally designated time to express gratitude and have an attitude of thanksgiving. Growing up, we celebrated two Thanksgivings; October for Canadian Thanksgiving and November for American Thanksgiving. I loved that tradition for two reasons:

1) Two Thanksgiving meals… duh!

and

2) More time to appreciate and recognize the blessings in my life.

This Thanksgiving I am trying to look at things a little differently. I’m challenging myself to transform my envy into gratitude. If there are people more wealthy than myself, I will be grateful that I live in a land that affords that opportunity to anyone willing to take risks and work hard. If there are more successful students than myself, I will be grateful for competent and reliable doctors, surgeons, and professionals. If there are people holding positions of authority over me, I will be grateful for experienced counsel, leadership, and differing perspectives. If there are people more happy than myself, I will be grateful that I am surrounded by positive and uplifting family and friends.

There is so much to be grateful for. I imagine that if our society were to focus more on the virtues of gratitude and appreciation, then we would not have to suffer with the consequences of envy and greed. To the same degree that envy harms society and individuals, gratitude can heal and harmonize both society and individuals. That will never be the case until we individually make the effort to change our own attitudes. I hope you take advantage of those opportunities to be grateful and celebrate success, whether it is your own or someone else’s.

Happy Thanksgiving!