The Anatomy of a Rumor

I love the book “To Kill a Mockingbird”. It is one of the few books that I have read over and over again. Each time the story stirs my fascination. To date, no book has shown me such a stark, yet simple, contrast between the most honorable and the most deplorable of human attributes. Every story, big or small, within the novel touches on some of life’s most important lessons. As of late, I have been drawn to one of the lesser storylines from the book. This story goes mostly unnoticed, and it is mentioned sparingly in the book. Nevertheless, it is a powerful story and it deserves a look. It is the story of Mr. Dolphus Raymond.

Much like the rest of the characters in the novel, Dolphus Raymond lived in Maycomb Alabama. Maycomb, as described by the author, was a tired old town in the 1920’s. For the most part, neighbors knew one another; or at least they pretended to. Like other small towns, word of mouth travelled fast. Topics of discussion mostly revolved around the day-to-day happenings of the county. Maycomb citizens seemed only mildly interested in any news from outside the county. Instead, local discussion was driven by gossip regarding the Radley family myth, Mrs. Dubose’s health, and most recently, the Tom Robinson trial. The life of anyone and everyone was open to scrutiny and assumption. To Dolphus Raymond, the hearsay and postulation was as predictable as the daily sunrise.

Wherever Dolphus Raymond goes, silent whispers always follow. His outward appearance and strange lifestyle make him an easy topic for casual group banter. On the surface, he appears mildly ragged and unkempt. In his hand, he always carries a bottle carefully concealed in a brown paper bag. An occasional stagger gives any onlooker a hint as to the contents of the wrapped bottle. Every visual evidence proves that he is hygienically and socially unfit for normal life.

Of course, Maycomb knows why Dolphus was left to suffer in this current state. Once you considered his life at home, it became obvious why he relies on booze. Unlike the rest of the white Maycomb citizenry, Dolphus resides in the black neighborhood alongside his black mistress and mulatto children. At a time when racism and bigotry still reigned supreme, such a lifestyle was unacceptable. A man would have had to have fallen far in order to live such a lowly existence.

Such was the life of Dolphus. Once in a while, the small town of Maycomb would watch him wander aimlessly and rest lazily downtown. Then they would watch as he left town on the road to his squalor home and second class family. He became an example; an opportunity for parents to show their children the face of repugnance and drudgery. Townsfolk kept their distance, and Dolphus kept his. Up until the trial of Tom Robinson, not much else is known or explained about Dolphus. Were it not for a chance encounter with the novel’s main character, Dolphus’ story would have gone untold.

Following a session of the controversial Tom Robinson trial, the young boy Dill leaves the courthouse sobbing. Visibly bothered by the injustice and unfairness of the trial, both he and Scout Finch sit under the shade of a large nearby oak tree. Unbeknownst to the children, Dolphus shares the same tree with them. He surprises the children when he speaks to them. Dolphus offers a swig of his drink to the still-crying Dill, promising that it will settle him down. Against the ominous warnings from Scout, Dill takes a drink from the brown paper bag. However, he does not taste alcohol. To his surprise, and delight, he finds the bottle is actually full of Coca-Cola.

Their discovery of the Coca-Cola sparks the curiosity of the children. Unlike the rumors they have heard, they discover that he does not smell like a vagrant. Instead, they notice a pleasant earthy smell of “leather, horses, and cottonseed.” Little by little, the real story of Mr. Dolphus Raymond unravels itself. Not only is he not a drunkard, but Dolphus doesn’t drink at all. Further questioning reveals that he lives a very happy life, enjoys the company of a caring woman, and he loves his children very much. Eventually, all the rumors surrounding the mysterious man erode away. Suddenly, the reader begins to recognize that all the falsehoods were simply the result of presumptuous rumors and wild speculation. It turns out the truth was much less spectacular than the word around town.

The experience of Dolphus Raymond teaches us a lot about the lifecycle of rumors and their impact on individuals and communities. By logical standards, Dolphus was a successful man. He had some wealth, a happy family, and he lived healthily. But none of that mattered. To the residents of Maycomb, a person could never attain happiness or success with Dolphus’ lifestyle. Therefore, the life of Dolphus Raymond needed an explanation. As a result, the community fabricated a narrative and distributed it throughout the entire town.

If at any point in your life you experience success, you may find yourself facing the same conditions as Dolphus Raymond. While we have certainly progressed as a society since the 1920’s, an astonishing number of people have held firm to the practice of rumor mongering. The same type of people fabricate them, the same type of people believe them, and the same type of people fall victim to them. A rumor cycle will always have a victim, a fabricator, and a patsy.

Understanding who these people are and how they contribute or relate to the rumor cycle will help you comprehend the who, the why, and the how of a rumor cycle. From that angle of understanding, you can better withstand the seedy speculations and the farfetched falsehoods bent on ruining your reputation and good name.  

The Victim

Would you like to know one of the single best metrics for gauging personal success? Do you often lay awake at night pondering your life choices? Would you like me to stop asking these cheesy infomercial questions? If you said yes to any of these questions, then rumors are for you. In many cases, the degree to which rumors circulate about you is equivalent to the degree of life success you have achieved. So if you find yourself the victim of a wildly false accusation, you might want to consider it a sign that you are doing something right.

If it is true that success breeds contempt, then it would make sense why rumors take aim at successful people. In the eyes of weaker and lesser men, success needs to be explained away. The underlying assumption hints that rumor targets are underserving of their success; that they achieved it by means of deceit, corruption, or luck. In some form or another, they have violated a natural or artificial law. The rumor is simply a way to accomplish justice and hopefully strip the offender of their unwarranted success.

But successful people remain successful, even in the aftermath of rumors. Rarely do they let falsehoods derail their plans, ambitions, and objectives. They seem to swat rumors away like harmless gnats. How do such people manage to turn slanderous tales into insignificant annoyances? It is simple really. Successful people refuse to play the role of victim.

In reality, rumor victims are not really victims at all. Though they may be the intended target, the victim most often receives the least damage in a rumor cycle. For a brief time they may have to suffer the indignity and inconvenience of injurious gossip. To a certain degree, they may lose business, prosperity, even friends. In some cases, the effects may last for years. However, by the time the cycle has run its course and they have arrived at total vindication, the intended victim will emerge from the ordeal relatively unscathed. Their friendships that have lasted will deepen, their resolve to achieve success will be increased, and their sense of self-worth will solidify. If managed correctly, a victim’s experience with rumors can make them stronger over time.

The Fabricator

 Rumors do not spontaneously erupt from empty space. A rumor must be created and carefully designed. A purposeless rumor is nothing more than an imagined assumption. Without a scheming entity to transform thoughts and theories into false facts, rumors would lose their potency and achieve little. Such an entity is known as a fabricator.

Fabricators are the ones who envision, devise, and distribute scandal and controversy. A fabricator earns their title because they have a sharpened ability to take paltry clues and fabricate them into complex narratives that attempt to both condemn and destroy. The most experienced of fabricators don’t even need distorted evidences in order to build their network of lies. All that they need is an imagination, an audience, and an incentive.

Fabricators often possess a passionate ambition that flirts with outright fanaticism. That ambition could be political power, community influence, justification for personal fallibility, self-appointed moral authority, or any number of things. Their ambition consumes them, pushing them to disregard truth, morality, and goodwill. Such virtuous ideals have little value in their eyes. They are necessary casualties in the crusade for self-aggrandizement.

The actions of a fabricator are loathsome. For the sake of their aspirations, they adorn themselves with a mantle of feigned power and concern. To an unsuspecting patsy, they appear authoritative, concerned, and empathetic. Their public cries preach justice, unity, and progress. But their backdoor mutterings build false narratives and blatant lies. They are wholly disinterested in anyone or anything that does not support their self-preservation and influence.

The lifestyle of a fabricator deserves a high degree of revulsion. Their behavior tears apart relationships, destroys livelihoods, and sows seeds of contention. Their sharp words are the words of a disgruntled reprobate. However, once you take a step back to look at their personal situation, one thing becomes vividly clear: fabricators are as pitiful as they are loathsome.

A number of social psychology studies have been published that deal with the rumor cycle. Many of them seek to explain why rumors start and how they grow. Several studies seem to follow the explanation for rumorfabrication set forth by social psychologist Ralph L. Rosnow. He describes the fabricators situation as follows:

Rumormongering is viewed as an attempt to deal with anxieties and uncertainties by generating and passing stories and suppositions that can explain things, address anxieties, and provide a rationale for behavior. (Rosnow, Yost, & Esposito, 1986)

Or in other words, rumors come from people who struggle with deep-seeded self-esteem and security issues. Their feigned importance and influence only serves as a cover for their crippling cowardice. Fabricators use rumor to explain away their own deficiencies. They hope that their slander will somehow remedy or minimize their own weaknesses by highlighting a phony fault of someone else.

Fabricators who spread lies regarding your marriage will likely struggle with their own marital problems.

Fabricators who anonymously accuse you of mistreating employees will probably have a history of cheating and defrauding their own associates.

Fabricators who slander your company for shady business practices will usually dabble in poor business ethics themselves.

We find fabricator behavior utterly inexcusable, but not entirely unexplainable. They have reasons for sowing the seeds of contention and ill will. Once you understand those reasons, their barbs become less injurious and their situation becomes more pitiable.

If you are a fabricator, stop yourself now. The damage your words cause to your own reputation will be nearly irreparable. I urge you to look at your own life. Sort out your own problems. Celebrate the success of others. Sympathize with their failures. If you notice another person struggling, seek a way to help them rather seeking a way to cripple them further. Doing so will stimulate improvement in your own life, and generate a source for good in the lives of others.

The Patsy

Finally, we turn our attention to the final participant in the rumor cycle. Many perceive their role in the rumor cycle as limited and passive. We often believe their only crime is to innocently listen and pass on gossip from one source to another. For the most part, the patsy appears harmless. In the rush of the rumor cycle, they convert from innocent bystander to naïve participant. However, a closer look at the patsy reveals that their role in the cycle is sometimes far more serious and sinister than we assume.

What makes the patsy such an egregious participant? For starters, their hunger for sensation and drama creates a high demand for myths and conspiracies. The patsy craves rumors. For one reason or another, they feel privy to the privacy of others. A patsy loves to know everyone else’s business. They sit on the edge of their seats waiting for the next meltdown, the next train wreck, or the next epic collapse. To them, no other news is more desirable than someone else’s bad news.

Do you recognize now why the patsy is so problematic? Patsies provide the fuel that bolsters the flames of contention and lies. Without them, the fabricators power amounts to nothing more than a miniscule spark. But if that spark happens to contact a volatile and reactionary patsy, the combination could potentially create firestorms of gossip.

The most aggressive patsies closely mirror their fabricator peers in terms of motivation and ambition. They may not initiate the rumor. However, they relish the opportunity to pass it along. They often add their own batch of misinformation. They attempt to inject their own personal spin on the rumor, hoping that their additions will further damage and incriminate the victim. Like the envious fabricator, they too enjoy the belittlement and smearing of others whom they find undeserving of success. These more aggressive patsies are the soldiers of slander. They are the disciples of defamation.

Not every patsy achieves this level of envy or malice. The majority feel content with passing along the gossip. The commotion intrigues them. However, they are not altogether innocent. They also fall for the same baseless hearsay, caring little or nothing for the people involved. Their gullible nature buys into the false narratives and swirling accusations spread by everyone else. As such, they tend to make very poor decisions, using the rumors as reference or basis. Their hasty decisions terminate friendships and business relationships. Instead of yielding to basic common sense, they place a higher value on sensationalism and dramatization.

If you are a patsy, now is the time to change course. Take news from the primary source and don’t take second hand stories as gospel. When speculating about the character of others, you immediately put your own character into question. You have much more to lose than the fabricator. In addition to your reputation, you risk losing friends, opportunity, and security. Changing course will provide you with a clearer mind, an observant eye, and a genuine heart.

Dealing with Rumors

Once you have considered the components, forces, and parties involved in the rumor cycle, such situations may easily overwhelm you. Injurious lies from shameless reprobates can quickly morph into autonomous viruses bent on ruin. Watching the cycle play out may leave you hurt and confused. Though it may seem so, you are not helpless in combatting falsehoods. You can, and should, react to them appropriately and decisively.

While on tour in the South Pacific, Elder Marvin J. Ashton took every possible opportunity to meet with the Latter-Day Saint missionaries serving in that part of the world. In one meeting, a group of concerned missionaries approached him, seeking counsel on a problem that they were experiencing on their local island.

Handing Elder Ashton a selection of pamphlets, they explained to the apostle that a preacher had been publishing and distributing the pamphlets in their area. The missionaries were astonished at the audacity of the rumors and worried that the malicious lies that might spread. They wondered how best they could combat the published material. Many felt that a retaliatory campaign would best confront the tide of false information.

Elder Ashton glanced at the pamphlets, visibly amused by their contents. To the surprise of the missionaries, he chuckled as he read the accusations against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Now even more confused, the missionaries posited their question again: what should they do about the problem?

Elder Ashton’s response revealed to the missionaries, and to all of us, how we can best combat the rumor cycle.

“To the author of these words,” he answered, “we do nothing.  We have no time for contention. We only have time to be about our Father’s business. Contend with no man. Conduct yourselves as gentlemen with calmness and conviction and I promise you success.”

When sharp and forceful retaliation seems like the most natural and simple response, we are counseled to do just the opposite: Do nothing. You have not time for contention.

When faced with an unsavory rumor cycle, you should continue on. Do not allow such things to disrupt your routines, goals, or good works. Allowing it to disrupt your life accomplishes the objective of the rumor monger and prevents you from accomplishing your own objectives. If you are doing good works, you really don’t have any time for contention.

Some may feel that the “Do Nothing” strategy amounts to sitting on the sideline or rolling over to die. In reality, the strategy calls us to action and not inaction. It is a call to focus our efforts on more worthy endeavors. Rather than openly confronting the slander, you should let your actions do the talking for you. Do not spend your time putting out meaningless fires. Do not publicly campaign or complain against the fabricators or patsies. Adding more contention to the mix only validates the opinions of the rumor mongers.

This strategy requires plenty of courage. Ironically, this strategy demands that you place a lot of trust in people. You must trust that that rational and reasonable people will not have their good judgement subverted by sensationalism. Some people may betray that trust, even your friends. However, friends worth their weight in gold will not pay any heed to falsehoods. Such friends will vehemently defend your character. When you don’t say much about the subject, these friends will. In your absence, they will fight your fights.

If you handle yourself well during the chaos of a rumor cycle, you will indeed find success. Once you have arrived at vindication, the fabricators and patsies will be exposed, your name will be cleared, and things will have settled once more. At that point, the promise offered by Elder Ashton will be fulfilled:

Conduct yourselves as [ladies and] gentlemen with calmness and conviction and I promise you success.

I Am Dull

I spent my childhood fascinated with swords, bows, knights, and all things related to them. Luckily I had brothers who were equally enthused by such things. We entertained ourselves for hours by “crafting” our own wood-based weapons and trying them out on one another. Whether by bike or by foot, we chased each other in extended battles, smacking one other with dead tree branches. Miraculously, the only injuries we ever sustained were limited to scraped arms, bruised legs, and broken bike spokes. Our dull weapons likely kept our medical bills low. That would eventually change.

We quickly discovered that metal broom and mop handles were more suitable upgrades over our traditional poplar swords. They were lightweight, prefabricated, and they perfectly mimicked the clinking sounds made by actual swords. The only thing we had to do was sneak them away from Grandma’s cleaning closet, remove the heads, and attach our duct tape handles. They were glorious! Nothing we had forged ever came close to their quality. Sure… they broke easily. And when they broke the rusty metal was dangerously exposed. But we didn’t care. We were breaking new technological ground in the world of childhood weaponry. For weeks we played happily and without incident with our new weapons.

Our fortune changed one fateful autumn morning while waiting for the school bus. Korlyn and I managed to once again smuggle the aluminum mop handles without being caught. Once we reached the bus stop, our duel began. After a few swings, our swords expectedly broke in half. Undeterred by the length of our swords, we fought on. We took turns heroically hacking at one another and parrying every precise blow.

I soon gained the upper hand. I began ferocious barrage of whacks and swipes at Korlyn’s legs and arms. Knowing that the bus would soon arrive, I sought to deliver to final blow with one more epic swing. He dodged, but I managed to deal a precise blow to his bare hand. He let out a quick yelp, dropped his sword and desperately grasped at his fingers. It didn’t take me long to see that the tip of my sword had gashed his hand, exposing his bony knuckles.

With shock and fear, I watched Korlyn barrel towards the house clutching his bloody hand. I quickly gathered my thoughts then frantically sprinted after him, stopping him right before he could enter the house.

I wish I could say I did so out of brotherly concern. In truth, I was more concerned with the parental repercussions that awaited. Desperately we looked for an excuse, a story, anything that would exonerate me and keep our mop handle thievery a secret. Poor Korlyn stood there as a pale quivering mess of pain until I came up with an answer.

Nervously scanning my surroundings, I noticed an assortment of nails protruding from the fence, the ones we used to hang up our Christmas lights. Suddenly a rush of creative dishonesty flooded my mind. As quickly and persuasively as I could, I pleaded with Korlyn to hear and follow my plan.

“Tell Mom we were balancing along the fence,” I began, “then explain that you fell and caught your hand on one of the rusty nails!”

Visibly frustrated that I was delaying his treatment, Korlyn hurriedly agreed to the plan. With our alibi nailed down, Korlyn relayed the story to Grandma. They raced to the hospital, leaving me at the bus stop to go to school. My perfectly concocted story was not enough to calm my nerves. I half expected Korlyn to sing like a canary. I anxiously imagined all the different punishments that would await me at home. Much to my surprise, Korlyn never ratted me out. He remained loyal to the plan. I think he was equally concerned about getting busted for stealing valuable cleaning supplies. Regardless, he gained my respect and a nice manly scar on his hand.

We learned a great many things that day. Korlyn learned to never bring a bare hand to a broken broom fight and I learned that I can be creatively deceptive and persuasive when under pressure. However, we both learned a major lesson about the vivid difference between a dull object and a sharp one. We also learned the danger of a sharp object in the possession of a dull mind.

Korlyn and Myself

Fast forward 15 years, and I am still dull. Yes, I confess. It makes me uneasy to admit it. Naturally, I’ve always been reminded of my shortcomings in healthy doses of sibling sarcasm. In their defense, I have a furnished past of imbecilic misadventures and verbal misunderstandings, all of which are worthy of remembrance. However, my dullness is no longer synonymous with foolishness or buffoonery. When I say that I am dull, I do not refer to my level of intelligence or wit; I am not ready to face those demons just yet. Instead I recognize now, more than ever, that my senses are dull.

Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not going blind or deaf. My nasal power and taste-buds are still working in peak condition. You can find the evidence of that in my ever-fluctuating waistline. But some of my other senses have suffered a lengthy, slow, and uncontested decline. The long list of casualties includes my sense of right, sense of wrong, sense of compassion, sense of urgency, sense of danger, and sense of priority. Kara would argue my sense of humor belongs on the list, but it seems sharp enough. However, my other senses have diminished greatly, succumbing to the forces of desensitization, numbness, and apathy. There are no contact lenses or cochlear implants that will fix them either. Sharpening these senses requires a little more effort, and a lot more discipline.

So why does this even matter? After all, a large portion of society elects to dull their sense of right and wrong. How else would you explain the expansion of intolerance, pornography, violence, idleness, grievance, and degradation of every variety? If it works for so many people, why then should I concern myself with any sense outside of taste, touch, scent, hearing, and sight?

It matters because our senses are the primary means of interpreting, navigating, and enhancing the world around us. Dull senses compromise our efficiency, utility, and happiness. In contrast, sharp senses increase our influence, advantage, and self-worth. Certain senses help us discern between truth and lies. Some senses allow us to prepare for difficulties before they occur. Some senses even help us better hear and understand that still small voice when it warns, advises, or comforts us. Once you begin to understand this, you can better understand the advantage of sharp senses over dull senses.

When we make practical comparisons of sharp and dull, we often do so through the scope of everyday hand tools. I knew from a young age that knives, axes, and saws are sharp. I learned this by observing others use them and by experiencing their effects for myself. Our senses, though similar in some ways, differ greatly from hand held tools. They can’t hack down a tree or slice a loaf of bread. It would appear that “sharp” and “dull” are traits best reserved for tools and not for intangible phenomena.

But what are our senses if not tools? Much like tangible tools, our senses can serve to build, repair, and enhance the world around us. Our sense of danger can build protections against temporal and spiritual threats. Our sense of compassion can repair lives and relationships. Our sense of priority can enhance the efficiency and quality of our lives. So you see, our senses are tools. And much like other tools, their efficiency depends on the sharpness that they possess.

This week I have sought to reflect and improve on my own sharpness. Thankfully I became aware of my personal situation enough to recognize the need for change. As I have pondered the symbolism of sharp and dull, I have recognized the areas of my life that I can improve on. In that time, I have gained a new appreciation and understanding of a sharp mind and a sharp sense. Now I invite you, permitting that your attention and interest lasts, to better understand how we can sharpen up and what we can do to stay sharp.

So how do you sharpen your sense of right and wrong? What about your sense of compassion or urgency?  To date there are no whetstones, grinding wheels, razor strops, or honing steels that can get the job done safely or effectively. However, the basic methods of sharpening are universal. Whether you are sharpening your knives or your senses, sharpening is a process that involves frictional abrasion, refinement, and polishing.

Once you begin the process of confronting your mistakes, you ignite a frictional mechanism that grinds away the burrs, divots, and nicks deep within your own soul. This is a process of penitence, and it is a difficult process. It has to be. Unlike blades, you cannot grind your senses against an abrasive wheel. But the heat, stress, and grit of the repentance process will be enough to remove the imperfections and spark the senses. Your heart will start to change and your thoughts will be more pointed. While this sharpening of the senses usually begins from within, it will not be long before the changes find their way to the surface. Others will recognize a great change in your habits, behaviors, and words. The change may not seem immediate, but it will be legitimate.

This process must repeat itself over time. Staying sharp is a constant struggle. There are forces that intend to dull, blunt, and desensitize you. Some of these forces are natural, but others are not. Either way, staying sharp means combating those forces. Failure to do so will distort your senses, blunt your efficiency, and diminish your happiness. Therefore, a one-time sharpening will mean nothing without any effort to maintain sharpness and utility.

The key to staying sharp is utilizing your senses in the way that they were intended to be used. I am sure you have seen an ax or knife with huge gouges or notches on the blade. Such blemishes are the result of someone using the tool incorrectly. Axes are not meant to tear up concrete and knives cannot serve as effective screwdrivers. Likewise, our senses cannot be misused without causing them to become dull. Be careful not to misuse your senses.

Some people misuse their sense of compassion by feigning fairness or open-mindedness. Others may misuse their sense of priority by placing self-interests or prideful ambitions above the well-being of their family. In essence, misusing any sense is equal to blunting, distorting, or notching your own soul. We often justify this behavior when we dismiss it as not too serious or justifiable. That may be accurate. Certain ambitions are not necessarily evil, and fairness is a quality we all should strive for. However, even the slightest abuses snowball into lengthy and subdued declines towards inevitable dullness. We fuel these declines even more through acclimation and habituation.

Be wary of how you use your senses. Don’t fool yourself into using them incorrectly. Don’t substitute principled acuteness, sensitivity, alertness, and keenness for self-imposed ignorance, apathy, distraction, and obtuseness. Instead, use them judiciously and in their appropriate contexts. As you do so, you will quickly distinguish yourself as a sharp person.

It is clear there is a worldwide epidemic of insensibility. But while a portion of society nefariously misuses their senses, another portion commits an equally egregious mistake: not using any sense.

On the surface, my accusation appears a little ridiculous. And it would be, if it were not true. Some feel that the best way to keep their senses sharp is to withdraw entirely from the world, radically secluding themselves and their families. Parents sometimes erroneously judge this as the best way to protect their children. They worry that their child’s exposure to opposition and conflict will dull their senses and ruin their lives. With their kids hidden away from the community, these parents feel comfortable knowing that their son or daughter will never hear a bad word, experience a contentious opinion, or see an unsavory act. Their philosophy defiantly and rigidly condemns their community, neighbors, and colleagues. Surely these are reasonable sacrifices that will protect their children and ensure their success as adults.

They foolishly forget that an unused tool quickly becomes a dull one. Their philosophy is like hiding their fine steak knives out of fear that they will get barbecue sauce on them. Or to use another analogy, it is like refusing to vaccinate their children out of baseless fears and hysteria. Instead, they select isolation as their inoculation. Sure… they forgo the initial discomfort of a needle. But in the end, their solution is far more debilitating and infectious than all other proven methods.

Practices like these deny parents and their children the opportunity to fulfill their intrinsic purpose of being an influence for good in their community and environment. Rather than choose a strategy of withdrawal and like-minded association, they should exercise their senses and contribute to the world around them. They should exercise their sense of compassion by serving people who are different. They should polish their sense of respect by dealing with other people. They should enhance their sense of priority by combating peer pressure. They should sharpen their senses by using their senses.

Sharp minds do more than survive through life. Sharp minds thrive throughout their life. These people enjoy levels of success that few people will ever get to experience. Indeed, it may seem that success just happens to fall in their lap. They make life and happiness seem so easy. But their success is simply the byproduct of a lifestyle that sharpens the senses and improves the soul. The Roman poet Ovid explained this principle well when he drafted the words “The sharp rose often produces delicate roses.”

Hopefully, this read was a waste of time for you. If it was, then my feelings will not be hurt. Truth be told, it is my wish that you already know these concepts. If this is the case, then you are already avoiding many of my mistakes. But just in case you find yourself in a state of dullness and obtuseness, I hope that my experience and struggle will serve to motivate and encourage you.

So awaken your senses! Sharpen them up! And when you have done that, keep them sharpened and maintained. Success is for those who are keen, lively, and in tune. Drudgery, monotony, and dullness is for those who are not.

Oliver - Year 1

One year ago, I introduced this little guy. He entered the world and transformed our lives dramatically. In addition to snips, snails, and puppy dog tails, Oliver is composed of a healthy amount of smiles, curiosity, and baby-boy-banter. For now, he invests almost his entire relationship capital in Mom. She provides superior snuggles and exceptional entertainment. Dad can hardly compete for the boy’s attention. Oliver is a bona fide momma’s boy. For now, I am fine with that. Dad will eventually earn his admiration with elaborate schemes related to football, fishing, basketball, guitar, golf, barbeques, gaming… all the things boys have fun with. I pretty much have a monopoly on boyish fun in our home. Enjoy it while you can Mom.

So in honor of his first year, I am going to provide a little glimpse into the wonderful world of Oliver. Maybe years from now he can look back at this and see just how awesome life was in his first 12 months. Or he could readily show this to a future therapist and pin point the roots of his deep seeded issues. Either way, this will be helpful, if not enjoyable.

Dad’s Favorite Proud Father Moment:

Life is tough for a little boy living in a neighborhood of little girls. Mom and Dad’s friends have a plethora of daughters with an impressive collection of princess toys. Therefore, game nights aren’t always the most ideal environment for a developing boy. Sure… it makes me get nervous from time to time; nightmares of brony fandoms are enough to unnerve even the most confident fathers. At our most recent game night, I sat that the card table and hopelessly watched Oliver bounce from Dora the Explorer, to Queen Elsa, then back to Dora. In silence I pleaded, “Let it go! Let it go!” But my quiet petitions went unnoticed. It seemed there was little I could do to stop his interest.

Feeling defeated, I returned my focus to the game at hand. A few hands later I turned back to check up on Oliver. With delightful surprise, I found that he had entirely abandoned Queen Elsa, Dora the explorer, and the entire pink brigade. Instead, something far more suitable wound up in his sausage-like grasp: a football. With more vigor and excitement than ever, Ollie threw, chased, and gripped that football all over the room. Grandiose visions of tail backs and linebackers quickly trampled over the Polly-pockets and Barbie dolls. With my pride restored, I confidently turned back to our card game. In my view, finding that small football amongst the tide of glitter and pink was comparable to finding a single needle in a haystack. He had found the one toy in the house with masculine appeal, and he refused to leave it the rest of the night.

Oliver’s Favorite Food:

We are starting to see some of Oliver’s particular tastes develop. Aside from the baby staples, he loves noodles, bananas, biscuits, and avocados. But above all things, Oliver goes crazy over ice cream. The boy transforms whenever he is around the stuff. If he even suspects that one of us is eating ice cream, he will politely sign, “want…please” and gesture towards our bowl. If we delay our response to his cordial request, he will swap polite signs for frantic grunts and disapproving growls. We eventually acquiesce to his demands and offer him a few small spoons, but we do so with great apprehension. We know that we are about to start a process as predictable as Bruce Banner’s reaction to anger.

When given the opportunity, Oliver will zealously attack the vanilla morsel, swallow it down, and passionately beg for more. He completes this entire cycle, each time faster and more vigorous than the last. In short time, he will exhaust our dessert supply, leaving everyone unsatisfied. Mom and Dad only get half of their promised portions, and Oliver has to deal with the emotional roller coaster of having it all…and then having nothing. The result: one inconsolable little boy.

For now, our dessert strategy has changed. Ice cream rarely makes an appearance prior to bedtime. For all Oliver knows, our family ice cream consumption levels have plummeted. But while he sleeps undisturbed and unaware, Mom and I rejoice in world full of sherbets, soft-serves, and shakes. I remain hopeful that one day we can enjoy ice cream together in a more responsible and disciplined manner.

Oliver’s Favorite Toys:

The date is December 25^th 2014. Crumpled wrapping paper, empty boxes, and ruffled ribbons covered the living room floor. Mom and I enthusiastically helped Oliver unwrap his gifts from under the tree. First some books, then a little football, and finally a handsome John Deere tractor toy. By all appearances, Santa had nailed Oliver’s first Christmas in every measure. What else could an eight-month old want?

It didn’t take long to see Santa seriously miscalculated Oliver’s interests. Before we lose all confidence in Saint Nick, let’s cut the jolly man a break! Kara and I thought he did pretty well for his first attempt! Who would have guessed that rubber dog toys and an expensive Martin guitar were on the Oliver’s wish list? One is far beneath his mental capacity, and the other is far beyond his rudimentary motor skills. Who would have imagined a diapered toddler would have such diverse expectations? Santa will likely attribute 2014 to a simple mix-up. Better luck next year big guy.

Oliver will play with just about anything. However, his interest in toys is limited and he will move on from one thing to the next without much thought. However, he possesses a special fondness for all of Chief’s toys and Dad’s expensive guitar. Thankfully, Chief is kind enough to share with Ollie. Chief has Wookie-like strength that can pull the arms right out of my own sockets. Yet, he is aware enough to play gentle versions of tug-of-war and keep away with Oliver on the living room floor. Does Chief get annoyed when his chew toys literally get swiped from under his nose? You bet he does! The mixture of surprise and disappointment in Chief’s expression tells me so. But at least he shares. Dad is not as accommodating when it comes to his guitar. Oliver only gets a few drum beats with his sticky hands before Dad nervously snatches it away. Somehow I get the feeling that Dad’s future attempts at teaching the concept of sharing might not be very effective.

Oliver’s First Year First’s:

Naturally, year one consists of a number of life first’s for a baby. If you don’t count sign language (he knows how to signal please, want, milk, and food), Oliver already knows a few simple words. If you pay close attention to what he says between the typical baby babble , you can catch words like “Dada”, “Chief” (pronounced as “Kief”), and “Mama” (formerly pronounced “Gaga”). Everything else at this point is an assortment of grunts, coos, and giggles.

While he is not yet walking a lot, Oliver has already taken his first steps. We know he can walk. We have seen him take up to five steps with sufficient confidence. He just prefers not to walk right now. We all know that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. However Oliver sees things differently. In his mind, the shortest distance between two points is a two-step dance and less-than-graceful forward nosedive. Walking is a work in progress and he will get the hang of it. His unique navigation style hasn’t limited him all that much. He is still adept at pulling out pots and pans, tugging on chords, and occasionally knocking over the garbage. Chief has taken the blame more than once for Oliver’s dumpster diving habits. Sometimes Mom and I must act the part of NFL referees and convene together to make sure we make the right call. Unfortunately for Chief, our house is not equipped with instant replay and high-definition cameras. He has seen his fair share of blown calls.

There are really too many firsts to count. First picnics, first fireworks, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first New Year. Mom and I have had a bunch of new firsts as well. This is the first time that we have celebrated such small and simple things with so much happiness. This is the first time we have witnessed someone grow and learn with great eagerness. This is the first time that we have experienced the unique love a parent can have for a child. We love our little Oliver. With every passing day, we love him more and more. I am impressed at how exponentially quick my love can grow for another person.

In truth, there is not a whole lot behind the scenes when it comes to Oliver. Of course there are the diapers and the poor sleeping habits. But what makes Oliver so lovable are the quirks and attributes that make their way to the surface. He is a happy and eccentric little fellow. Oliver’s contagious and warming smile has earned compliments and adoration from family, friends, and even strangers. He is eager to pass along his sunshine to anybody. If you sit behind us at church or at the theater, you will have his undivided and engaging attention. If you pass us at the grocery store, your eye will catch a charming grin and giggle. Oliver's good nature is indiscriminate and inviting to all that he meets.

I am excited that this forms a part of his personality and character. I hope that he works hard to maintain those virtues as he grows and develops. There exists a great need for people who can uplift and inspire others. In just one year, he has already done that for his dad, his mom, and a number of others. What a great start to a new life!

Congratulations on your first year Oliver!

May this be the first of many Happy Birthday’s!

Friendship - An Abridged Instruction Manual

This is going to be an exciting year for our little family. For 5 long years I have been working towards my degree in Construction Management. Now at last, the end is in sight. All that remains between me and my milestone is a few short months of work and study.

With every passing week, my anticipation and excitement grows for the next chapter of our lives. In equal measure, familiar feelings of nostalgia and solitude are beginning to weigh heavy on my heart, much like they have and past chapter changes. Turning the page often means leaving characters with whom we have bonded. Parting With friends is a tough process; one that makes our heart long for more time and mourn an inevitable future absence. Thankfully we get to experience these feelings, sometimes over and over again. These moments reaffirm the importance of friendship and the role it plays in our lives.

This isn’t my first parting with friends. On more than one occasion I have processed these feelings and lived to tell the tale. I have had to part ways with high-school friends, mission companions, beloved Chileans, roommates, neighbors, teachers, cousins, brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces. Each departure is as bittersweet as the previous one. Each friendship has been a blessing and I have reaped the benefits of every friendship I have been a part of. Along the way I have learned that good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

Friendship is one of the most fundamental ingredients for a happy and successful life. It is the one ingredient in life that adds the most flavor. Without a friend, our experiences are colorless, bland, and toneless. In contrast, having a friend adds brilliance, refreshment, and variety to our purposefully challenging lives. True friends are always there to pick us back up and get us out of trouble, even when they are the ones that likely coaxed us into trouble in the first place.

Building and navigating friendships comes naturally for many people. For others, it can be a struggle from time to time. Whether you find yourself among the former or the latter, it is important that you understand some basic friendship principles. While it would be impossible to adequately pen a comprehensive manual on friendship, I feel that an abridged version could be boil down the topic to three simple, but essential, steps. So here is your three step guide to successful friendships:

Step 1. Choose well, but don’t limit your choices

To get started on your way, the first step is to actually choose your friends. Accomplishing this requires boldness, savviness, and a healthy amount of good judgment. This is the most difficult step in the friendship instruction manual. Fortunately for you, there is some good news. You have the ultimate selection from which to choose your friends. There is no shortage of friendship-worthy individuals. These people are everywhere.

Some people are inclined to think otherwise. They feel that choosing a friend is tough because there is no selection. They blame their friendlessness on the complete absence of people who share common characteristics, interests, or opinions. Their friendless status is not the result of few choices, it is a result on self-imposed limits on their choices.

It is a mistake to be turned away by differences in age, gender, beliefs, interests, ethnicity, or background. We seem to think that anyone incompatible with us in these categories is ultimately incompatible with us. This is one of the biggest myths and mistakes about friendship. Sometimes the unorthodox and unusual friendships are the ones that can be the most surprising and fulfilling.

This principle became clear to me in my high-school years. I had fantastic high-school friends. They weren’t fantastic because we all shared similar beliefs or interests. In fact, we all saw the world quite differently from one another. We still do to this day. What made them fantastic was a few basic common values and an immense respect for my personal convictions. Despite the many opportunities, I never once faced any peer pressure from my friends to drink alcohol or do other things contrary to my beliefs. I knew that my friendship was never jeopardized because of my values. They understood me well enough never to ask or push me to do those things. These friends showed me that friendship can, and should, extend beyond shared interests and compatible personalities or demographics.

This is the foundation upon which true friendships are built. When choosing friends, don’t get caught up in choosing the perfect people who only are compatible with your interests or beliefs. If I had made that choice, I would not have befriended all the wonderful people from my high-school. Instead, you should choose friends that will respect you. These are the people that will make you a better person. These are the relationships that will challenge you. These are the friends that you will always remember.

Step 2. Enjoy their company

I know…I know. This advice seems pretty self-explanatory. If you have friends, you ought to naturally enjoy one another’s company. Why else would you have chosen them as a friend? This advice goes much deeper than that, I promise.

Now that you have chosen your friend, get to work on actually making a friendship. Friendship is more than just a conglomerate of warm bodies. A friendship is the sum of the people and the experiences that bind those people together. This step focuses on the experience portion of the friendship equation. Enjoying a friends company means that you create memories and experiences. When the time comes for friends to physically part ways, these are the single most important elements of a friendship. Such experiences permit a friendship to thrive and maintain its value in the event of long distance or sudden loss.

2008 was a monumental year for me. I began my service as a full-time missionary and I was eager to serve and help others as I had been served and helped. As is customary for LDS missionaries, I was always accompanied by another young man of the same age, every hour, of every day, for two entire years. Together we met and served the Chilean people every day, of every week, for two years. It was the perfect environment for finding friends and enjoying the experiences together.

Enjoying the company of others does not come easy at first. In my case, I had to overcome a language barrier in order to cement my friendships with the amazing Chilean people. My desire to associate and befriend such friend-worthy people inspired me to work hard to learn the Spanish language. In addition to learning their language, I learned their traditions, customs, and celebrations. My love and appreciation for the Chilean people only increased when I invested my time and focus on the things that mattered to them.

The same could be said of my companions as well. The more I dedicated my time to exploring their interests, the deeper our friendships increased. In my two years I learned more about le Tour de France, cheesecake baking, NBA basketball, soccer, and the Marvel comic universe than I ever would have imagined. Our mission experiences further cemented our friendships as we celebrated our successes, laughed at our mistakes, and overcame our shortcomings.

By the time my tenure as a missionary had come to an end, I had collected a number of trinkets, books, recipes, souvenirs, and skills. None of them came close in value to the experiences I shared with my Chilean friends and my fellow missionary companions. Thanks in great part to those experiences, I have a number of esteemed friends with whom I can share cherished memories.

Step 3. Be a friend

Above all things, be a friend. There are chances for fostering and building friendships all over the place. Look for an opportunity to make a friend. Shouldn't be too hard to find. You can find such opportunities on a lonely park bench, an empty bus seat, or pretty much anywhere where human interaction can occur.

Entering high school would have been a much tougher transition for me had it not been for people who were willing to be a friend. After elementary school, I was ready to start anew. However, trading in my braces, head gear, and glasses for a sense of confidence and belonging was not as easy as I anticipated. I often had to battle with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. But my fears soon subsided when a few of my cousins went out of their way to befriend me. What began as a few small gestures of kindness eventually turned into lasting friendships and meaningful memories.

Our friendship was plainly visible wherever we went. Together we would herd cattle, ride snowmobiles, and do just about anything else. But some of my favorite memories occurred during the spring months when we played rugby together. Rugby is a sport that requires copious levels of physical and mental toughness. It is not the ideal place to showcase ones talent if you are a shy scrawny 13 year-old boy fresh out of his braces and dental hardware. Considering that my parents had just spent thousands of dollars to fix my teeth, I am sure that they were less than enthused to have them knocked out of my mouth. Nonetheless, I was drawn to the sport because of my friends. Due to their encouragement and protection, I felt safe and I was able to grow and develop despite my initial limitations.

Due to my physical stature and position on the team, I was often singled out by opposing players and teams. However, opponents quickly learned that cheap shots and dirty plays were soon answered with swift vengeance and decisive retribution. If my cousins saw any punches, stomps, or bites, they immediately transformed from cordial participants into rapacious punishers. One cousin would bellow at the perpetrator, and the others would grind their teeth and twitch with anticipation for the chance to settle the score. Opponents took them quite seriously too. Not only were they intimidating to look at, but they had a reputation to leave bruised bodies, airless lungs, and even the occasional broken leg (unintentional of course) in their wake. They played honestly, but they performed ferociously.

Without much concern for their own well-being, they took care of me and their other teammates. The way that they played was an external manifestation of their character and quality. They were loyal, dedicated, and selfless. Any success I experienced playing rugby is due to my friends creating a healthy environment where we celebrated each other’s successes and bore each other’s burdens. Their example taught me that being a friend often means forsaking your own comforts and interests for someone else’s benefit.

It is important to remember that self-centeredness is the enemy of friendship. Concerning yourself with “me”, “myself”, and “I” will never lead to a meaningful relationship. This is because selfish people make poor friends. However, if you are eager to engage others, help others, and simply smile at others, you will increase your chances of finding long-lasting and meaningful friendships.

Don’t approach friendship with the “what is in it for me?” attitude. People who ask “what do I get out of it?” are not suitable for friendships. Instead, understand that being a friend means forsaking your comforts from time to time for the benefit of another. If you follow this advice, I can offer you this personal guarantee: if you learn to be a friend, and you will never be without a friend.

In a short time we will have to say goodbye once again and part ways with our friends here in Utah. It will feel an awful lot like the times I parted with high-school friends, mission friends, and college friends. Every time I find myself wondering “Will I ever meet another friend like this again?” The simple answer is no. No two friends are alike. As such, a friend can never truly be replaced. But if you can follow these three instructions consistently, you will always find room for one more friend who is equally special and admirable.

I am going to miss a number of things about our time in Utah. I will miss clashing with my Bronco rivals every Sunday of football season. I am going to miss playing basketball every week across the street. I am going to miss couples game nights. I am going to miss semi-annual golf trips with old mission friends. I am going to miss witty, sarcastic, and pun-filled banter. I am going to miss group outings at Buffalo Wild Wings. I am going to miss competitive Mario Kart nights. All these traditions I will miss, but not as much as the people who made those traditions so special in the first place.

Science and Truth

Human beings possess a number of fears. In general, we refer to fear in its numerous negative forms. Unchecked, our fears can paralyze, stifle, and limit us. However some fears have served us well. The fear of not knowing is one such fear that has benefited mankind. On occasion, this fear has motivated us, protected us, and even lifted us. When we lacked knowledge, we vigorously pursued it piece by piece. Our fear of not knowing is partly responsible for where we are now compared to where we were centuries ago.

This is not to say that our fear of not knowing has hurt us from time to time. In fact, humans commit some pretty ludicrous errors in an effort to soothe our ignorance discomfort. The biggest of these mistakes occur in the form of abrupt conclusions and impulsive declarations. These types of mistakes run rampant on the philosophical battlefields shared by the quibbling realms of science and religion.

There has been long debate about the origin of humanity, our Earth, and our universe. The realms of science and religion have long been at odds over such questions as: Why are we here? Where did we come from? How did this all come into existence? What is the overall purpose?

Instead of uniting in our curiosity, we did what humans do best. We polarized ourselves and alienated one another over the subject. The stiff-necked faithful condemned the obstinate pagan. The self-appointed free thinkers mocked the canonist disciples. Back and forth these camps have thrown mud, hurled insults, and wholly discredited one another.

Fast-forward to this week. New studies and scientific models are challenging the theory of universal origin known as the Big Bang theory. This theory has long been championed as the single greatest evidence against the existence of Divinity. Now, there is evidence that maybe the Big Bang Expansion model contradicts mathematical and scientific realities that contemporary science has presently established. According to these scientists, “The universe may have existed forever, according to a new model that applies quantum correction terms to complement Einstein's theory of general relativity.”

For years the “science” was conclusive on the Big Bang theory. There was sufficient evidence to establish the validity of the theory beyond a reasonable doubt. At last, there seemed to be a definite solution to the infinite nature of our universe and our origins. Too bad that pesky science got in the way and once again provided another explanation for the formerly unexplainable. Science has an annoying habit of doing that.

On a side note, I grew up with scientists telling me that Pluto was a planet. I made the stereotypical Styrofoam Solar System models and presented them just like every other kid in my grade. Since that time Pluto has be classified and reclassified so many times in order to account for new and improved information. Asking my elementary aged nephews now, they will tell me that Pluto is “the largest object in the Kuiper belt, the tenth-most-massive known body directly orbiting the Sun, and the second-most-massive known dwarf planet, after Eris…

Notice that one speck? No no that one. Look closer... that one! Yes that one. That is our Sun. One star in 100,000,000,000 in the Milky Way Galaxy, which is one galaxy of the 100,000,000,000 galaxies in the observable universe.

What?! You mean to tell me we can’t get solid correct information within our own infinitesimal Solar System, and yet we are so confident that we know exactly when and how the universe began based on hypothetical models of space expansion? Considering the size of our Solar System in comparison to the size of the Milky Way Galaxy, then compared to the universe at large... Even by scientific standards that is a significant leap!

I digress.

It seems that science is anything but conclusive. There exists a possibility that another study or discovery once again reveals the plausibility of the Big Bang Theory. It is possible that a whole new theory surfaces that feasibly explains the origins of the universe. Dare I say, there exists that small chance that creative design is scientifically proven to be a reasonable explanation? For the time being, let just be honest and say that the science is anything but conclusive.

Let’s take a closer look at other moments in our history when the science was “conclusive”:

Geocentric Theory – Scientists, scholars, and clergy believed for a time that the universe revolved around the earth. Based on their now-primitive observations and biblical interpretations, they deduced that the Sun, stars, and all other celestial bodies all moved relative to the Earth, which was considered a stationary object. Teachings to the contrary were considered heretical. Galileo Galilei was famously tried for heresy for his defense of heliocentric theory. Fast forward to today, and we know that our Solar System does indeed revolve around the Sun. Not only that, but our Sun is one of trillions of stars in the universe, and none of them are technically stationary.

Alchemy – This is a favorite of mine. Alchemy was an archaic field of science that was wildly popular in historic times. Its defining studies were dedicated to the discovery of immortality and the transformation of base metals into coveted noble metals such as gold and silver. The scientific consensus was that parts of the Cosmos could be extracted and altered in order to produce material perfection. So scientists went about extracting what they could from the “cosmos”. They tried to find gold in everything from sacks of grain to vats of human urine. Thank goodness we have evolved past this, or else professional gold mining would be an even less glamorous career in the workforce.

Piltdown Man – Many scientists were eager to locate the missing link connecting modern humans to evolutionary ancestors. In 1912, skull bone fragments were discovered in a gravel pit located in Piltdown, England. Upon assembling the skull, scientists were happy to deduce that the missing link had been found. They called him the Piltdown man and the science was conclusive.  For the next forty years, a considerable part of the scientific world reveled in their accomplishment. Their hubris abruptly ended in 1953 when it was revealed that the entire thing was a hoax. Someone had combined a human skull, an orangutan’s jaw, and a chimpanzee’s teeth to pull it off. For FORTY YEARS the science had “settled” the debate. How fitting that the fraud was exposed by…you guessed it…science.

This is not an attempt to diminish the importance of science at all. Throughout history, science has stood the test of time. Science has not failed. However, humans have; and they have done so in spectacular fashion. These examples just prove that science is anything but conclusive. New technologies, methods, and experimentations always push the boundaries of contemporary science and open our minds to previously untapped knowledge and revelations.

Is it any wonder why a portion people may be skeptical of “scientific findings”? The same tactics are being repeated over and over again: A theory becomes popular and widely accepted as gospel, scientists and the general public must all toe to new line of thinking, opinions to the contrary are seen as heretical and deranged, evidence is presented that challenges the status quo, the theory is adjusted or abandoned, and then the cycle repeats. World history has witnessed the same cyclical errors with every generation. Like I said, these are not errors of science; these are human errors.

Skeptical about climate change?

“THE SCIENCE HAS SPOKEN!”

Don’t believe the vaccine/autism hype?

“THE SCIENCE IS CONCLUSIVE!”

Concerned about drug induced impaired driving?

“YOU’RE DENYING THE FACTS!”

Time after time, science is used to justify some political point or promote some passionate campaign. Science was never intended to do that! Science is a means of finding the truth through observation and experimentation. Many have come to believe that theories and science are one in the same. This is convoluted thinking. In reality, science is used to establish the validity of a theory or hypothesis, or eliminate it altogether. That is why theories come and go, but the scientific processes and methods remain constant and repeatable.

Science is a means by which we can discover truth and prove truth. It is not the end-all-be-all truth. But it is nothing to fear or hate either. While science cannot prove the truth of everything within its current parameters, it certainly has proven many things. Scientific discovery through observation and experimentation have given us insight into the laws that govern our universe and our lives.

Make sure you understand how important science is and what role it plays in your life. It is not an omnipresent danger that erodes your faith and destroys your beliefs. Science is simply another piece to the puzzle that allows us to see the bigger picture. My faith has certainly not been challenged by theories regarding evolution or origin. I look scientific discovery and ask, “how does this enhance or enlighten what I already know?”

This ought not to surprise you, but I don’t know everything. My faith is not an attempt to know everything either. There are an infinite amount of things that I have never observed. I never observed a creation or a big bang. That is not to say there is no evidence. There are mountains, rivers, planets, stars, and life that all suggest that some power beyond our current comprehension and understanding is behind our existence. To others, the evidence may suggest something else. Who is right? Perhaps both? As with all truth, this truth will be established with more time, technology, and knowledge.

In conclusion, this conflict does not have to be a conflict at all. It doesn’t have to boil down to a narrow battle of fact versus fiction or enlightened versus ignoramus. Both camps essentially share the same purpose: seeking truth. With that perspective, truth seekers on both sides ought to appreciate the experience and knowledge that others have. Any moderation and respect shown from either side will accomplish more progress and understanding than short-term “truths” or shortsighted dogmas.

Reconciling my faith and my testimony with established scientific truths is not as difficult as some may seem. While I am judicious in my acceptance of some scientific theories as fact or gospel, I have accepted many scientific findings as valid and important. In fact, some findings have served me well enough to strengthen my faith and validate my testimony. I eagerly anticipate more scientific findings that will add upon the truth that we already have.

Responsible Speech

At this point, it should not be a huge surprise that people disagree with you. The world of thought and opinion is as diverse as the people who hold onto those thoughts and opinions. Disagreement is something that you must deal with and be prepared for. Even your closest friends and family will have some disagreements with you. If you want to find and associate only with people who agree 100% with your opinions, look in the mirror. I hope you can stand the person looking back at you, because they will be your only friend if you can’t learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

This is an interesting time in our history in regards to freedom of speech. At no other time has it been easier to voice your opinion and be heard by so many people in such little time. Outlets like Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube have made amazing contributions to freedom of speech. However, they have also made us more lazy and oblivious to our responsibility of speech.

This past year, the movie American Sniper reached theaters. The movie is a biographical look at the experiences of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle during and after the Iraq War. He is credited as the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history. His story is as intriguing as it is polarizing. The subject of war is a contentious and emotional topic to discuss.  Staying true to form, this movie has produced heated discussions with Chris Kyle as the central controversial figure. In the minds of many, he has already been judged and convicted of some of the most heinous crimes imaginable. Consequently, he has collected a number of labels: warmonger, serial killer, coward, propagandist, instigator, child-killer, racist, and psychopath.

Critics of the movie further commented that the movie glorified warfare and vilified all Muslim people in a fashion akin to Nazi propaganda films. Emotionally distraught internet surfers flooded the web and made sure we all knew how disgusted and unsettled they were with the movie. Yes, freedom of speech was out in full force as it should be anytime something controversial like this comes out. But it seemed like responsibility of speech was again traipsed beneath the mob of public opinion.

“He murdered innocent women and children!” they shrieked.

“They glorified war to make it something it is not!”

“His desire to kill was fueled by racism!"

I am not sure which movie or book they read, but that is certainly not the message that I received. Perhaps if I were to watch it a few more times, I would see the grievances of the critics. I don’t think that would change my mind. In fact, it would likely solidify my feelings about the movie.  

This past year was a fascinating time to watch how free speech works and what it means to people. The Ferguson protests and the Charlie Hebdo massacre both had strong elements of free speech associated with them. In the aftermath of those events, and the American Sniper release, I have started to think more about the rights and responsibilities of free speech.

I believe that rights ought to be accompanied by a certain level of responsibility as well. It is commonplace that people focus too much on their rights and neglect to understand their responsibilities. It is your right to have the freedom of speech and expression. But you shouldn’t be quick to forget your responsibilities associated with that right.

You are the steward of your own words. The words you say are a pure indicator of the person that you are. They are the best representation, for better or worse, of your character. Therefore, you should own your speech. Put your face and name to what you say. This is the first responsibility of freedom of speech.

This is usually the first responsibility we neglect. Internet comment sections often turn into cesspools with equal parts ignorance and anonymity. Nameless accounts, secretive users, and pseudo-credentialed pundits own these dark corners of the web and they are the ones who drive the conversations. The exercise of speech rights is deservedly protected in these forums, but the responsibility of speech is non-existent element there.

A combat soldier faces bullets, shrapnel, and bombs in addition to hateful rhetoric with his name and rank proudly pinned to his breast. A soldier is accountable for his actions. He not only bears the flag of his country, but his own name as well. He faces antagonism and conflict with...get this… his face. He doesn’t hide in the shadows. In an ironic twist, the internet troll only has to face differing opinions from videos, blogs, and articles… and he does so behind the comforting fluorescent glow of his computer screen and his digital profile. These measures protect them from any legitimate criticisms or honest debate. They are a protection against responsibility.

Remember that the words that you use are your own, no matter how much you try to hide it. Words have power. Their influence can be applied towards good or evil. Your own words should mean something sacred to you. You ought to have enough pride and dignity to associate your own name and character to those words.

Chris Kyle

There was one nasty theme that seemed to thread through the commentary on Chris Kyle and American Sniper. I noticed several times a verbalized desire that Chris Kyle die a horrible death. Out of respect, I choose not to highlight the specifics of those comments. They are as graphic as they are vile and they should never be wished upon anybody.

What these people did not realize is that Chris Kyle did indeed die. He was gunned down by a fellow veteran who was struggling. Kyle often volunteered time to help combat veterans return to normality and overcome the emotional scars that war inflicted upon them. Kyle’s killer was one of those veterans who he tried to help. Kyle and a friend were fellowshipping and comforting the troubled soldier. In return for their fellowship, Kyle and his friend were shot and killed. He is survived by his wife and two young children. They now are facing the brunt of criticism that would be aimed at their husband and father.

Those people who wished for his death not only showed the status of their character, but they showed the level of their intelligence. This brings me to our second responsibility. Be informed and know the facts.

These people felt compelled to comment and say some very outlandish things. It takes minimal effort to point out that they had no clue what they were talking about. These are people who have made no attempt to watch American Sniper or read the book upon which the film is based. Instead, they opted for a more convenient flow of information in the form of tweets, blog posts, and skewed articles.

Do yourself a favor; don’t take twitter rants and Facebook updates as gospel. Unless you prefer to live in the land of gross omission, slanderous smearing, and handpicked generalizations, it is no place to create solid and informed opinions.

Look closely enough at most of these articles and you can find a variety of errors that disqualify them from any sort of journalistic integrity. People will claim to have the facts on their side by pointing at small snippets of carefully selected quotes. Then they twist them to fit their unchangeable world view. The problem with that strategy is that it exposes you as narrow-minded and downright dishonest. In an effort to paint the picture they want you to see, they choose to ignore context and willfully don’t show the whole picture. To do so would be a huge drawback. While it is inconvenient, providing context and analyzing facts is the responsible thing to do.

It is important to deal with the facts in these situations, and deal with them honestly. Some people will never do this. Arguing with them is like playing chess with a pigeon. All they will do is drop crap all over the board and then strut around like they have bested you anyways. Regardless of what other people do, your character is dependent on knowing the facts and dealing with realities. This is the second responsibility of speech.

Human beings do not like to be wrong. It makes us uncomfortable and compromises our standing among our peers. We fear being wrong because we perceive it as a weakness, and in some cases it is. We fear being wrong because we fear others will think we are ignorant. For some reason, we feel the need to be right and to know everything. We feel that if we don’t know something, others might value us less. But human beings have developed a unique strategy to combat our fear of not knowing. When we don’t know something, we just make it up.

Jimmy Kimmel does a fantastic skit titled Liewitness News. The skits demonstrate just how effective our "make things up" strategy works. He takes random people on the street and interviews them about preposterously fabricated current events. The results are as sad as they are hilarious.

In our sad attempt to not show our weaknesses, we end up showing something far far worse… our stupidity. This relates to the final responsibility of speech: don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.”

We do not know all things. We cannot know all things. So rather than arrive at wild conclusions or depend on tertiary hearsay, just say, “I don’t know”.

Idealists and activists will quickly denigrate and castigate figures like Chris Kyle. Sitting from the comfort of their office chairs, they will say “I wouldn’t have done that” or “I wouldn’t have said this”. From the safety of their own homes or offices, they will gratuitously stake a claim upon the moral high ground. Yet they weren’t there. They don’t know the circumstances under which the events of American Sniper took place. They didn’t see their own friends and brothers become maimed and killed. They didn’t experience the fear of fighting an enemy willing to strap bombs to children and women. They didn’t experience the immense pressure of making split second decisions that would save or sacrifice lives. They didn’t have to fight the guilt of leaving others behind to finish a job that they couldn’t finish. In essence, they just don’t know.

As I said, it is not something that is easy to say. But if you do, you will save yourself from embarrassment and earn yourself some respect. That doesn’t mean that you will never know or that no one knows. There were people who were there. There are primary eye witnesses who can attest to the veracity of those events. But if you don’t know, there is no shame in admitting it.

Be responsible with your right to free speech. Own your words. Be informed and get the facts. Don’t be ashamed to say “I don’t know”.

I am thankful for the rights that we enjoy; rights which have been secured and preserved through the efforts of brave men and women in military uniform. We have the privilege of being related to some of these brave people. One of them was also a veteran sniper who served in the Gulf War. Among these rights, the right to freedom of speech is one of the most sacred. Speech is something that should not be stifled or silenced simply because we disagree. However, I feel that we have a responsibility that is as equally important as that right.