Choices

To what degree does choice influence our lives? I think most of us would agree that choice greatly impacts our personal lives. When typically we talk about choices, we talk about the big stuff. Which school do I choose? Which girl should I choose to date? What career path do I take? Vote Democrat or Republican? Sausage or bacon? I think you get the point.

 I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice when we think of choice in that sense. Don’t get me wrong, these are essential choices that we must make at some time. I don’t want to diminish their importance. However, choices are so much bigger than choosing the big stuff. In fact, I feel that some of the biggest decisions are made daily, even hourly. Those are the types of decisions that have significant consequences, both positive and negative, that impact us far beyond the moment we make that them.

One of the biggest choices of my life I have to consciously make every single day. And I think that it is a choice that not many people realize we have. You see, I firmly believe that we choose to be happy. Abraham Lincoln pretty much summarized my sentiment when he said that, “most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I have found that to be entirely true in my own life.

I think the best example of choosing happiness is revealed in our every day interactions with people. People can be downright mean and malevolent. We all know a few of our own acquaintances that have an innate talent to tear you down. The power people have over others is impressive and sometimes scary. Yet, despite all that “power”, they don’t have any power over how you react. Remember that no one can make you angry. YOU choose to be angry. However, once you make that choice to stay calm, collected, and levelheaded, you have all the power. In contrast, losing control of your emotions and becoming agitated ultimately gives away that power. If you don’t believe me, I invite you to read “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl.

Many will teach you what their definition of choice is. Be careful about what the world teaches you about choice. No doubt you will hear a great deal of people talk about it. Usually the conversation is saturated with comments like “my life, my choice” or “this does not impact anyone else”. People have been tricked into believing in something known as free choice. Let me tell you now, there is no such thing as free choice. It simply does not exist.

How can we be free to choose if there is no such thing as free choice? Seems like a pretty bold contradiction. Of course we are free to make choices, but no choice is free. Every choice comes at a cost; or in other words, a consequence. Today there is so much focus on choice. We all feel entitled to make our own choices, and indeed we are. Yet with every choice comes a consequence. Agency also breeds accountability. Freedom requires responsibility. Frankl articulated this sentiment very well when he said:

Freedom, however, is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue or Responsibility on the West Coast.

Unfortunately, some of the consequences that are the most serious and damaging are the ones that are least explored. Rather, they are suppressed or shouted down in the name of --- you can't make this up --- choice. It is one of modern life’s greatest ironies. This tragic process leaves behind a lot of victims who are left with little or no choice at all. 

So during your life, don't expect the world to always respect your choices. As long as your decisions are based on the the simple fact that there are consequences, then many people in the world will simply not understand them. Choice may be the most single most empowering tool we have. Don’t be quick to give away that power to people who have no interest in your well being or happiness. Treasure that gift, and use it to uplift yourself and others. Be proud of the good choices that you make, then work to fix the bad choices that you make.

Views on Sportsmanship

Imagine you are in a confined space with fixed boundaries. Suddenly, someone adds a set of rules, a rule enforcer, and every known feeling that fits within the range of human emotion. Where are you?

You are likely in one of two places: at home living with your parents, or at a sporting event.

Fortunately for you, the rule enforcer is always on your side when you’re at home. From personal experience, I can’t guarantee that will be the same in any of your competitions, games, or events. In fact, I can guarantee that they won’t be on your side from time to time. There is nothing predictable when it comes to sports. Perhaps that is a big reason why sports are so special. David can beat Goliath. The small guy can make the team. The Chiefs can win a Super bowl!! Any outcome is possible. This one characteristic of sports has caused humans to experience everything from complete joy and euphoria to utter disappointment and rage. You do not have complete control over the outcome of a game, but you do have complete control over yourself.

It seems sportsmanship is a vanishing value. You don’t need to look too far to see the evidence. Just this year I have seen professional athletes throw temper tantrums, punch opponents, and verbally belittle the competition. Fans and aspiring athletes then choose to emulate that behavior. They post nasty comments about a friend’s team off the field, and they throw dirt in your eye when they are on it. If you haven’t already experienced this already, you will eventually.

If you have any level of competitiveness close to mine, this could be a challenge for you. For the most part, I have done well to keep my emotions at an appropriate level. I have let my emotions get the best of me on a couple occasions. I regret every instance when it happened. For those brief moments, I put myself and my ego before the team, and I let my friends down. However, I always wanted to be a team player and earn the respect of my coaches, team mates, and community. That always seemed more important than a personal vendetta.

You need to understand that passion and intensity are good things. The very best athletes have both. It’s ok to feel a little angry or get a little frustrated. Those emotions can help push you to be a tougher competitor. Just remember to use those emotions to make yourself a better player, and make the game a better experience. Do not let those emotions ruin the game for you, your teammates, and the spectators.

Here are a few things that I have learned about sportsmanship and sports:

• Be a graceful loser: Take responsibility for the loss. Don’t place blame elsewhere. Yes, the ref could have blown a call, a team mate might have missed an assignment, or your coach could have made a mistake. Although it may not seem that way, not every game is determined by a single event. Every bad call is usually preceded by numerous mistakes, favorable calls, and lucky bounces that went your way. In most cases, the other team won fair and square with no foul play.

• Be a humble winner: I grew up hearing the phrase, “act like you been there”. There is no need to belittle a team or player after beating them. You need to remember what you felt like after every loss you experienced. As long as you keep your composure following a win or successful season, the odds are better that you will repeat your success over and over again.

• Treat opponents with respect: You should know that you need your opponent. After all, there would not be a game without them.

• Always take the high road: This can be tough. You will probably run into a horrible player that’ll do everything to get under your skin. Personally, players have bitten me, thrown dirt in my eyes, stomped me, called me nasty names, or elbowed me. I learned to smile when they did those things. They only stoop that low because YOU have already got under their skin and they don’t know how to respond.

•  Don’t be mouthy: Words have consequences. Poorly chosen words have the worst kind of consequences. There is nothing more foolish looking than an athlete who says something wildly outrageous and has to eat their words later. In order to save face, they usually end up saying more garbage hoping to mitigate any damage they did in previous comments, only to fall further from grace. Sadly, people no longer remember them for their talent or awards. They are only remembered as a classless and desperate goof.

• Don’t excuse poor sportsmanship: This happens a lot. We are quick to call out an opponent for being a bad sport. Yet, we turn our gaze when it is one of our teammates or favorite players. Poor sportsmanship is wrong, no matter who it is. Don’t rush to defend a guy on your favorite team who acts like a buffoon. Just because you oppose his behavior, does not mean you betray your team.

• Try your hardest: People generally are involved in sports to compete and improve. It is frustrating meeting somebody who just doesn't care about putting forth their best effort. Other participants have put a lot of time and effort into preparing. Be respectful of that and go out there and compete. If you aren’t going to put in the time or give it your best shot, don’t bother showing up.

In spite of the lack of sportsmanship on the field, court, or diamond, there still are a amazing group of athletes who understand what a sport is all about. If you would like to see a prime example of what it means to be a good sport, I invite you to check out this story.

Valuing good sportsmanship is in your best interest. Being a good sport will always lead to better success in sports, or any other part of life. One big reason we remember some of the greatest athletes is not only because of their amazing talent, but because of their classiness on and off the field. On the flip side, we usually remember the arrogant stars for their stupid antics rather than for their talent.

“In the end, it’s extra effort that separates a winner from second place. But winning takes a lot more than that too. It starts with complete command of the fundamentals. Then it takes desire, determination, discipline, and self-sacrifice. And finally, it takes a great deal of love, fairness, and respect for your fellow man. Put all these together, and even if you don’t win, how can you lose?”

                                                                                                                                

-Jesse Owens-

Here is a funny video about the many types of players you will likely meet. Enjoy! And remember... Stay classy!

A Not So Ancient History

This is Mel and Kathi Gulbranson…

You know them as Grandma and Grandpa Gulbranson.

Together, these two have taught me more than anyone else. I can confidently say that most of what I am today I owe to these two. Therefore, if you want to understand more about me and more about yourself, you need to know about their story.

Grandpa Gulbranson has lived one of the most unique lives out of anyone I know.  After living a good portion of his childhood in Minnesota, his family was compelled to move to Utah when his father became seriously ill. No longer employed, Orin Gulbranson (your great grandpa) gathered their meager belongings and loaded them into a horse-drawn wagon. You read that correctly… a wagon. When Orin suggested that the horses had to be sold, the kids begged him to keep them. He joked that they would have to ride the horses to Utah instead. The family called his bluff and they set off on the nearly 1,300 mile trip. The experience resulted in many miraculous and amazing stories that have forever bonded his family together.

After some time in Utah, the family again had to move and choose to relocate to a tiny Canadian town. They originally hoped to be involved in farming, but there were more opportunities at the local lumber mill. From this point, your Grandpa became a successful entrepreneur and started a family logging company that has grown impressively in spite of his limited education. To this day, Grandpa Gulbranson keeps working. It seems sometimes that he will never fully retire. He just enjoys being busy and won’t slow down. At times, this has driven my siblings and me crazy because he always had us working on something with him. Yet, we are thankful for him teaching us to work hard.

These days you will find him doing all sorts of stuff. He has many hobbies including hunting, trapping, farming, fishing, and working. I am not kidding when I say work is his hobby. There is no real way to explain his drive to work other than he finds it fun. I hope you get to work for him someday. He has a knack for getting on your case about ruining a piece of expensive farm equipment, then later that same day destroying equipment of equal or more value. His favorite tool of destruction: Fire! Few things make me smile more than watching him try to fix a piece of farm equipment. 

He is crazy about his grandchildren. It is not uncommon to see a mass of kids surround him at church waiting to get a mint from him. He will eat strange stuff some of us will never dream of touching. Pickled pig’s feet are just one of his favorite snacks. He is a devout Rook player; almost too devout. To this day I hate everything to do with Rook because of it. He likes most games, except the ones he is not good at. Overall, he is an enjoyable person to be around and a good honest man.

One of them has a reputation for being stubborn... the other has perfected the art itself

He also has a thing for hats

All that's missing is the Duck Dynasty beard

Grandma Gulbranson has an equally interesting history. She was born in the state of Wyoming, but due to her father’s career she moved all over the United States and parts of Europe. Her family moved to Canada too and there she met Grandpa Gulbranson. They got married and started their life off in very humble circumstances. Together with Grandpa they lived in a small wood cabin with very few possessions. They worked tirelessly together doing butcher work to make ends meat (hehe). Little by little they worked towards improving their lot in life. She selflessly put aside many of her interests and desires in order to help out her growing family, which concluded with a total of nine kids. She has been a great example of sacrifice in my life.

Grandma Gulbranson has very different interests than Grandpa. First and foremost, Grandma loves American history. Her office is loaded with books about the American Revolution, the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln, and many other historical topics. Along with Grandpa, she has visited Israel, Egypt, Guatemala, and many of the Eastern United States. As a result, she is a very knowledgeable and intelligent woman. My own interest in history and politics is a result of her passion. I love to hear what she shares about history.

She adores her grandchildren! She maintains a tradition of taking them out to movies and buying first-day-of-school shirts. She is always sympathetic towards them, which makes us sibling slightly jealous since we rarely received such sympathy in our youth. In fact, most of my friends that know her always would say, “your mom is so nice!” or “Aunt Kathi is the best!”… (That was a simpler time when all you needed to win over the hearts of teenagers was a dozen fresh glazed donuts). My teenage eyes didn’t notice at the time, but she is indeed one of the nicest people you could meet.

Talented

Beautiful

She has it all!

I am sure we drive her crazy from time to time. We are a sarcastic and ridiculing bunch of brothers and sisters. Yet, she taught us the importance of being respectful, clean, and well mannered. She did a good job of it for the most part. At least publicly we are considered normal human beings. Anyone who can accomplish that and not check themselves into a mental institution deserves great respect.

I have the utmost respect for my parents. I am humbled by the lessons they have taught me as I have grown. One of the biggest lessons I learnt from them was not given to me with a routine lecture or a creative discipline. What I have learned resulted from years of silent observation. Whether they realized it or not, they taught me more through example than with words. By observing them I have learned this one simple, yet powerful truth:

There is no trial too great, nor struggle too hard that can prevent you from accomplishing big things.

You see, Grandma and Grandpa have had a plethora of opportunities to give in and let bad fortune or harrowing trials stop them. If you were to ask them, they could tell you dozens of stories about when it would have been easiest to settle for mediocrity, or let disappointment interfere with their goals. It would have been so easy to place blame and find fault elsewhere. However, they never balked at an opportunity to put that all aside and do what they could for the sake of our family. I believe this shared trait has made them as successful as they are.

I am grateful for wonderful parents who pushed me in the right direction. They are now some of my closest friends and I am happy they did so much for our family. I hope you take the time to get to know them. You can learn a lot from their experiences. I know that I already have, and I continue to draw strength from their examples as well.

Meet Mom...

Introducing the most important woman in my life...

Boy I sure love her! There is so much to her that I am beginning to believe that I may never figure everything out about her. She definitely keeps me on my toes. As of now, we have been married a little over 2 years. We have learned so much together, but the best part is that we still have so much to learn and experience. At times I wonder how she ended up choosing me. We are SO different in SO many ways! Let me provide a brief view into her life to illustrate this point:

• Born in Provo Utah, but raised in the sweltering hot mega city known as Dallas/Fort Worth.
• Loved everything pretty, pink, and glittery.
• Starred as the one the best flute players in her school and area, travelling to many places all over the United States to preform.
• Enjoys dancing, singing, and acting just plain goofy from time to time.
• Graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Family Studies with a minor in Music.
• SUPER competitive when it comes to card games.

And yet, she chose to marry a small town Canadian boy who grew up herding cows, raising pigs, driving tractors, hunting ducks, and playing sports. I even scratch my head from time to time wondering how it all happened, but I am glad it did.

We met in Utah when we were both students. I had a thing for cute redheads, so of course I was interested in her...I mean...look at her! I thought she looked beautiful. However, I was a fairly shy guy. I never was always comfortable around girls, and any of my high school friends can attest to that. It took me a few weeks to summon enough courage to ask a date, but I got there eventually. We had lots of fun together going to BYU football games, bowling, movies, hiking, and other typical dating stuff.

 

After a while, we knew it was the right thing to get married. So on December 18, 2011, we got married in Salt Lake City Utah surrounded by supportive family and friends.

To this day we continue to learn and grow. She has taught me a lot about life and what it means to be strong. What I most admire about her is the natural desire she has to become a better person. She wants to improve and feel accomplished in nearly every aspect of life. At times this desire causes her to feel panic and inadequacy. When she feels that way, it can be pretty difficult to make her see otherwise. So one things you must know about your mom... you can feel confident knowing that she will do everything in her power to ensure your success. You will notice that she will do so at the expense of her own wants or desires. Be sure to express gratitude to her for that. I know I am grateful for it.

While I am by no means an expert, I do have a few suggestions for you kids when it comes to dealing with mom. Please consider the following:

1. I urge you to become good at directions, and do it soon. I can almost guarantee you that one day you will be driving with her, and need to help her find her way home. In fact, this will happen multiple times. At first it may seem frustrating, but this will become more funny to you every time it does happen.
2. Be patient when she can't make up her mind. You will see this quirk take effect especially when it comes to eating out. She often has a hard time choosing where she wants to go. Once she does come to that decision, she will then not know what to order from the menu for a long time. Encouraging her to make those decisions faster will only slow down the entire process.
3. Take time to listen to her. She is a rather insightful person due to all her experiences. She will patiently lend her ear to you whenever you want to rant about politics, sports, social issues, and everything else. But listen to what she has to say about the subject. That's where things get interesting, and sometimes funny.
4. Wear your seat-belt.
5. If playing games starts to get a little boring, do a little bit of trash talking. This usually gets her overly animated and it leads to funny results.
6. Along those lines, if you ever partner up with her in a game, make sure you know the rules and strategies really well. There is no room for error or ignorance when you are playing on the same team as her. Weakness will not be tolerated.
7. Know how to properly pronounce Hyundai.
8. No matter how much it kills your legs to be standing around for hours on end in a store where you have absolutely no interests whatsoever, be pleasant about it. She gives you plenty of time to do the things that you like and make sure that you are entertained. She is actually very good about respecting your personal time.
9. Make sure you are in good enough shape to stand around  for hours on end in a store where you have absolutely no interests whatsoever. (See #8)
10. Snorting is a compliment. That means something you did was hilarious and memorable.

If you love your mom half as much as I do, none of these things will be any problem for you

She is an amazing person who deserves all the respect, dignity, and trust that you have. If you rely on her, I promise she will never let you down. In fact, she will surprise you over and over again, if you give her the chance to do so. She is the love of my life and my best friend. If you let her, she can be one of your best friends too.

Introduction

The blogosphere... the final frontier...

Or at least a frontier that I avoided for a long time.

For that long period of time, I saw absolutely no need to post to a blog. After all, my free time was limited after movie nights, fantasy football, golf, and school. I left the world of blogging to my wife. Using my time for more manly interests was more important to me.

So why now do I join the massive blogosphere? Who or what could have possibly inspired me to dedicate precious time to starting and maintaining a blog?

This is the culprit. No, I am not referring to the gorgeous red head. She is my beautiful and courageous wife and her name is Kara Gulbranson. I am actually referring to the little bundle of joy that she has been carrying for nearly seven months now. Lucky for me, I am about to get the beginners crash course in fatherhood! Everyday, I get a little more excited and a little more nervous about meeting him. I feel excited because I will always have a little golf or hunting buddy. Yet, I feel anxious as the impending fatherly responsibilities draw closer and closer. This is a strange roller coaster of emotions that I have never felt before.

Obviously, there is no manual for this sort of life changing event. I mean, sure... I have a solid idea about what type of roles a father plays in his children's life. A father is a provider. A father is a leader. A father is a friend. To be honest, I feel totally comfortable about these fatherly roles. I am a hard worker and I am not deterred by tough challenges. I consider myself fairly easy going and amiable as well. However, the job description goes far beyond that.

I believe that at the heart of it all, a father is a counselor and a teacher. It is these two roles that trouble me the most. They trouble me because I know we live in a complex world. I face challenges and choices that my father never experienced. Likewise, I know that my children will confront even tougher challenges and tougher choices than I have had to face.  While the challenges may be different from generation to generation, I believe that principles remain the same.

In order to help me fulfill my role as a teacher and a counselor, I dedicate this blog to my all my children. Obviously I don't know you all yet, but I hope that my writings will serve you at some point in your life when they are needed. Along the way, you will get to know more about me, my interests, my experiences, and my background. You will undoubtedly learn that I am not perfect. But I pray that you will always understand that I love you and hope for your success.

I look forward to recording all the losses, triumphs, lessons, and experiences that I will be sharing with you. I hope they serve you well.

 P.S. While my posts will mostly be addressed to my kids, I invite anyone interested to join along as well! I assure you that there will be some hilarious and entertaining stories. They will make you laugh, smile, ponder, and reflect on life with all its challenges and blessings.