Oliver - Year 1

One year ago, I introduced this little guy. He entered the world and transformed our lives dramatically. In addition to snips, snails, and puppy dog tails, Oliver is composed of a healthy amount of smiles, curiosity, and baby-boy-banter. For now, he invests almost his entire relationship capital in Mom. She provides superior snuggles and exceptional entertainment. Dad can hardly compete for the boy’s attention. Oliver is a bona fide momma’s boy. For now, I am fine with that. Dad will eventually earn his admiration with elaborate schemes related to football, fishing, basketball, guitar, golf, barbeques, gaming… all the things boys have fun with. I pretty much have a monopoly on boyish fun in our home. Enjoy it while you can Mom.

So in honor of his first year, I am going to provide a little glimpse into the wonderful world of Oliver. Maybe years from now he can look back at this and see just how awesome life was in his first 12 months. Or he could readily show this to a future therapist and pin point the roots of his deep seeded issues. Either way, this will be helpful, if not enjoyable.

Dad’s Favorite Proud Father Moment:

Life is tough for a little boy living in a neighborhood of little girls. Mom and Dad’s friends have a plethora of daughters with an impressive collection of princess toys. Therefore, game nights aren’t always the most ideal environment for a developing boy. Sure… it makes me get nervous from time to time; nightmares of brony fandoms are enough to unnerve even the most confident fathers. At our most recent game night, I sat that the card table and hopelessly watched Oliver bounce from Dora the Explorer, to Queen Elsa, then back to Dora. In silence I pleaded, “Let it go! Let it go!” But my quiet petitions went unnoticed. It seemed there was little I could do to stop his interest.

Feeling defeated, I returned my focus to the game at hand. A few hands later I turned back to check up on Oliver. With delightful surprise, I found that he had entirely abandoned Queen Elsa, Dora the explorer, and the entire pink brigade. Instead, something far more suitable wound up in his sausage-like grasp: a football. With more vigor and excitement than ever, Ollie threw, chased, and gripped that football all over the room. Grandiose visions of tail backs and linebackers quickly trampled over the Polly-pockets and Barbie dolls. With my pride restored, I confidently turned back to our card game. In my view, finding that small football amongst the tide of glitter and pink was comparable to finding a single needle in a haystack. He had found the one toy in the house with masculine appeal, and he refused to leave it the rest of the night.

Oliver’s Favorite Food:

We are starting to see some of Oliver’s particular tastes develop. Aside from the baby staples, he loves noodles, bananas, biscuits, and avocados. But above all things, Oliver goes crazy over ice cream. The boy transforms whenever he is around the stuff. If he even suspects that one of us is eating ice cream, he will politely sign, “want…please” and gesture towards our bowl. If we delay our response to his cordial request, he will swap polite signs for frantic grunts and disapproving growls. We eventually acquiesce to his demands and offer him a few small spoons, but we do so with great apprehension. We know that we are about to start a process as predictable as Bruce Banner’s reaction to anger.

When given the opportunity, Oliver will zealously attack the vanilla morsel, swallow it down, and passionately beg for more. He completes this entire cycle, each time faster and more vigorous than the last. In short time, he will exhaust our dessert supply, leaving everyone unsatisfied. Mom and Dad only get half of their promised portions, and Oliver has to deal with the emotional roller coaster of having it all…and then having nothing. The result: one inconsolable little boy.

For now, our dessert strategy has changed. Ice cream rarely makes an appearance prior to bedtime. For all Oliver knows, our family ice cream consumption levels have plummeted. But while he sleeps undisturbed and unaware, Mom and I rejoice in world full of sherbets, soft-serves, and shakes. I remain hopeful that one day we can enjoy ice cream together in a more responsible and disciplined manner.

Oliver’s Favorite Toys:

The date is December 25^th 2014. Crumpled wrapping paper, empty boxes, and ruffled ribbons covered the living room floor. Mom and I enthusiastically helped Oliver unwrap his gifts from under the tree. First some books, then a little football, and finally a handsome John Deere tractor toy. By all appearances, Santa had nailed Oliver’s first Christmas in every measure. What else could an eight-month old want?

It didn’t take long to see Santa seriously miscalculated Oliver’s interests. Before we lose all confidence in Saint Nick, let’s cut the jolly man a break! Kara and I thought he did pretty well for his first attempt! Who would have guessed that rubber dog toys and an expensive Martin guitar were on the Oliver’s wish list? One is far beneath his mental capacity, and the other is far beyond his rudimentary motor skills. Who would have imagined a diapered toddler would have such diverse expectations? Santa will likely attribute 2014 to a simple mix-up. Better luck next year big guy.

Oliver will play with just about anything. However, his interest in toys is limited and he will move on from one thing to the next without much thought. However, he possesses a special fondness for all of Chief’s toys and Dad’s expensive guitar. Thankfully, Chief is kind enough to share with Ollie. Chief has Wookie-like strength that can pull the arms right out of my own sockets. Yet, he is aware enough to play gentle versions of tug-of-war and keep away with Oliver on the living room floor. Does Chief get annoyed when his chew toys literally get swiped from under his nose? You bet he does! The mixture of surprise and disappointment in Chief’s expression tells me so. But at least he shares. Dad is not as accommodating when it comes to his guitar. Oliver only gets a few drum beats with his sticky hands before Dad nervously snatches it away. Somehow I get the feeling that Dad’s future attempts at teaching the concept of sharing might not be very effective.

Oliver’s First Year First’s:

Naturally, year one consists of a number of life first’s for a baby. If you don’t count sign language (he knows how to signal please, want, milk, and food), Oliver already knows a few simple words. If you pay close attention to what he says between the typical baby babble , you can catch words like “Dada”, “Chief” (pronounced as “Kief”), and “Mama” (formerly pronounced “Gaga”). Everything else at this point is an assortment of grunts, coos, and giggles.

While he is not yet walking a lot, Oliver has already taken his first steps. We know he can walk. We have seen him take up to five steps with sufficient confidence. He just prefers not to walk right now. We all know that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. However Oliver sees things differently. In his mind, the shortest distance between two points is a two-step dance and less-than-graceful forward nosedive. Walking is a work in progress and he will get the hang of it. His unique navigation style hasn’t limited him all that much. He is still adept at pulling out pots and pans, tugging on chords, and occasionally knocking over the garbage. Chief has taken the blame more than once for Oliver’s dumpster diving habits. Sometimes Mom and I must act the part of NFL referees and convene together to make sure we make the right call. Unfortunately for Chief, our house is not equipped with instant replay and high-definition cameras. He has seen his fair share of blown calls.

There are really too many firsts to count. First picnics, first fireworks, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first New Year. Mom and I have had a bunch of new firsts as well. This is the first time that we have celebrated such small and simple things with so much happiness. This is the first time we have witnessed someone grow and learn with great eagerness. This is the first time that we have experienced the unique love a parent can have for a child. We love our little Oliver. With every passing day, we love him more and more. I am impressed at how exponentially quick my love can grow for another person.

In truth, there is not a whole lot behind the scenes when it comes to Oliver. Of course there are the diapers and the poor sleeping habits. But what makes Oliver so lovable are the quirks and attributes that make their way to the surface. He is a happy and eccentric little fellow. Oliver’s contagious and warming smile has earned compliments and adoration from family, friends, and even strangers. He is eager to pass along his sunshine to anybody. If you sit behind us at church or at the theater, you will have his undivided and engaging attention. If you pass us at the grocery store, your eye will catch a charming grin and giggle. Oliver's good nature is indiscriminate and inviting to all that he meets.

I am excited that this forms a part of his personality and character. I hope that he works hard to maintain those virtues as he grows and develops. There exists a great need for people who can uplift and inspire others. In just one year, he has already done that for his dad, his mom, and a number of others. What a great start to a new life!

Congratulations on your first year Oliver!

May this be the first of many Happy Birthday’s!

Friendship - An Abridged Instruction Manual

This is going to be an exciting year for our little family. For 5 long years I have been working towards my degree in Construction Management. Now at last, the end is in sight. All that remains between me and my milestone is a few short months of work and study.

With every passing week, my anticipation and excitement grows for the next chapter of our lives. In equal measure, familiar feelings of nostalgia and solitude are beginning to weigh heavy on my heart, much like they have and past chapter changes. Turning the page often means leaving characters with whom we have bonded. Parting With friends is a tough process; one that makes our heart long for more time and mourn an inevitable future absence. Thankfully we get to experience these feelings, sometimes over and over again. These moments reaffirm the importance of friendship and the role it plays in our lives.

This isn’t my first parting with friends. On more than one occasion I have processed these feelings and lived to tell the tale. I have had to part ways with high-school friends, mission companions, beloved Chileans, roommates, neighbors, teachers, cousins, brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces. Each departure is as bittersweet as the previous one. Each friendship has been a blessing and I have reaped the benefits of every friendship I have been a part of. Along the way I have learned that good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

Friendship is one of the most fundamental ingredients for a happy and successful life. It is the one ingredient in life that adds the most flavor. Without a friend, our experiences are colorless, bland, and toneless. In contrast, having a friend adds brilliance, refreshment, and variety to our purposefully challenging lives. True friends are always there to pick us back up and get us out of trouble, even when they are the ones that likely coaxed us into trouble in the first place.

Building and navigating friendships comes naturally for many people. For others, it can be a struggle from time to time. Whether you find yourself among the former or the latter, it is important that you understand some basic friendship principles. While it would be impossible to adequately pen a comprehensive manual on friendship, I feel that an abridged version could be boil down the topic to three simple, but essential, steps. So here is your three step guide to successful friendships:

Step 1. Choose well, but don’t limit your choices

To get started on your way, the first step is to actually choose your friends. Accomplishing this requires boldness, savviness, and a healthy amount of good judgment. This is the most difficult step in the friendship instruction manual. Fortunately for you, there is some good news. You have the ultimate selection from which to choose your friends. There is no shortage of friendship-worthy individuals. These people are everywhere.

Some people are inclined to think otherwise. They feel that choosing a friend is tough because there is no selection. They blame their friendlessness on the complete absence of people who share common characteristics, interests, or opinions. Their friendless status is not the result of few choices, it is a result on self-imposed limits on their choices.

It is a mistake to be turned away by differences in age, gender, beliefs, interests, ethnicity, or background. We seem to think that anyone incompatible with us in these categories is ultimately incompatible with us. This is one of the biggest myths and mistakes about friendship. Sometimes the unorthodox and unusual friendships are the ones that can be the most surprising and fulfilling.

This principle became clear to me in my high-school years. I had fantastic high-school friends. They weren’t fantastic because we all shared similar beliefs or interests. In fact, we all saw the world quite differently from one another. We still do to this day. What made them fantastic was a few basic common values and an immense respect for my personal convictions. Despite the many opportunities, I never once faced any peer pressure from my friends to drink alcohol or do other things contrary to my beliefs. I knew that my friendship was never jeopardized because of my values. They understood me well enough never to ask or push me to do those things. These friends showed me that friendship can, and should, extend beyond shared interests and compatible personalities or demographics.

This is the foundation upon which true friendships are built. When choosing friends, don’t get caught up in choosing the perfect people who only are compatible with your interests or beliefs. If I had made that choice, I would not have befriended all the wonderful people from my high-school. Instead, you should choose friends that will respect you. These are the people that will make you a better person. These are the relationships that will challenge you. These are the friends that you will always remember.

Step 2. Enjoy their company

I know…I know. This advice seems pretty self-explanatory. If you have friends, you ought to naturally enjoy one another’s company. Why else would you have chosen them as a friend? This advice goes much deeper than that, I promise.

Now that you have chosen your friend, get to work on actually making a friendship. Friendship is more than just a conglomerate of warm bodies. A friendship is the sum of the people and the experiences that bind those people together. This step focuses on the experience portion of the friendship equation. Enjoying a friends company means that you create memories and experiences. When the time comes for friends to physically part ways, these are the single most important elements of a friendship. Such experiences permit a friendship to thrive and maintain its value in the event of long distance or sudden loss.

2008 was a monumental year for me. I began my service as a full-time missionary and I was eager to serve and help others as I had been served and helped. As is customary for LDS missionaries, I was always accompanied by another young man of the same age, every hour, of every day, for two entire years. Together we met and served the Chilean people every day, of every week, for two years. It was the perfect environment for finding friends and enjoying the experiences together.

Enjoying the company of others does not come easy at first. In my case, I had to overcome a language barrier in order to cement my friendships with the amazing Chilean people. My desire to associate and befriend such friend-worthy people inspired me to work hard to learn the Spanish language. In addition to learning their language, I learned their traditions, customs, and celebrations. My love and appreciation for the Chilean people only increased when I invested my time and focus on the things that mattered to them.

The same could be said of my companions as well. The more I dedicated my time to exploring their interests, the deeper our friendships increased. In my two years I learned more about le Tour de France, cheesecake baking, NBA basketball, soccer, and the Marvel comic universe than I ever would have imagined. Our mission experiences further cemented our friendships as we celebrated our successes, laughed at our mistakes, and overcame our shortcomings.

By the time my tenure as a missionary had come to an end, I had collected a number of trinkets, books, recipes, souvenirs, and skills. None of them came close in value to the experiences I shared with my Chilean friends and my fellow missionary companions. Thanks in great part to those experiences, I have a number of esteemed friends with whom I can share cherished memories.

Step 3. Be a friend

Above all things, be a friend. There are chances for fostering and building friendships all over the place. Look for an opportunity to make a friend. Shouldn't be too hard to find. You can find such opportunities on a lonely park bench, an empty bus seat, or pretty much anywhere where human interaction can occur.

Entering high school would have been a much tougher transition for me had it not been for people who were willing to be a friend. After elementary school, I was ready to start anew. However, trading in my braces, head gear, and glasses for a sense of confidence and belonging was not as easy as I anticipated. I often had to battle with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. But my fears soon subsided when a few of my cousins went out of their way to befriend me. What began as a few small gestures of kindness eventually turned into lasting friendships and meaningful memories.

Our friendship was plainly visible wherever we went. Together we would herd cattle, ride snowmobiles, and do just about anything else. But some of my favorite memories occurred during the spring months when we played rugby together. Rugby is a sport that requires copious levels of physical and mental toughness. It is not the ideal place to showcase ones talent if you are a shy scrawny 13 year-old boy fresh out of his braces and dental hardware. Considering that my parents had just spent thousands of dollars to fix my teeth, I am sure that they were less than enthused to have them knocked out of my mouth. Nonetheless, I was drawn to the sport because of my friends. Due to their encouragement and protection, I felt safe and I was able to grow and develop despite my initial limitations.

Due to my physical stature and position on the team, I was often singled out by opposing players and teams. However, opponents quickly learned that cheap shots and dirty plays were soon answered with swift vengeance and decisive retribution. If my cousins saw any punches, stomps, or bites, they immediately transformed from cordial participants into rapacious punishers. One cousin would bellow at the perpetrator, and the others would grind their teeth and twitch with anticipation for the chance to settle the score. Opponents took them quite seriously too. Not only were they intimidating to look at, but they had a reputation to leave bruised bodies, airless lungs, and even the occasional broken leg (unintentional of course) in their wake. They played honestly, but they performed ferociously.

Without much concern for their own well-being, they took care of me and their other teammates. The way that they played was an external manifestation of their character and quality. They were loyal, dedicated, and selfless. Any success I experienced playing rugby is due to my friends creating a healthy environment where we celebrated each other’s successes and bore each other’s burdens. Their example taught me that being a friend often means forsaking your own comforts and interests for someone else’s benefit.

It is important to remember that self-centeredness is the enemy of friendship. Concerning yourself with “me”, “myself”, and “I” will never lead to a meaningful relationship. This is because selfish people make poor friends. However, if you are eager to engage others, help others, and simply smile at others, you will increase your chances of finding long-lasting and meaningful friendships.

Don’t approach friendship with the “what is in it for me?” attitude. People who ask “what do I get out of it?” are not suitable for friendships. Instead, understand that being a friend means forsaking your comforts from time to time for the benefit of another. If you follow this advice, I can offer you this personal guarantee: if you learn to be a friend, and you will never be without a friend.

In a short time we will have to say goodbye once again and part ways with our friends here in Utah. It will feel an awful lot like the times I parted with high-school friends, mission friends, and college friends. Every time I find myself wondering “Will I ever meet another friend like this again?” The simple answer is no. No two friends are alike. As such, a friend can never truly be replaced. But if you can follow these three instructions consistently, you will always find room for one more friend who is equally special and admirable.

I am going to miss a number of things about our time in Utah. I will miss clashing with my Bronco rivals every Sunday of football season. I am going to miss playing basketball every week across the street. I am going to miss couples game nights. I am going to miss semi-annual golf trips with old mission friends. I am going to miss witty, sarcastic, and pun-filled banter. I am going to miss group outings at Buffalo Wild Wings. I am going to miss competitive Mario Kart nights. All these traditions I will miss, but not as much as the people who made those traditions so special in the first place.