Lessons From My Backswing

They say every story should begin with a good hook. I begin this story, however with a bad hook; a snap hook to be precise.

For the average golfer, miss-hitting the ball most often results in a slice, which is the shape a shot takes as it goes from left to right. In this sense, I am not like your average golfer - This is not to say that I am an above average golfer either, so lets make that abundantly clear. Where most golfers struggle with slicing the ball, I am one of the golfers that struggles with the hook; a nasty, wild, and unsightly shot that moves your ball away from your intended line in a right-to-left trajectory. The hook is a thief, robbing you of precious distance, accuracy, and sanity.

If there is one thing more familiar to me on the golf course than the hook, it is the persistently constructive correction offered up by my wise friend Gale:

"Slooooww down!" Gale explains, placing thematic emphasis on the "o".

Two shots later, I hear it again:

"Slooooww down!"

Gale likes to add emphasis to his counsel by adding an additional "o" every time he has to repeat himself.

"SLOOOOOW down!"

Gale is a patient teacher.

Now, every golfer wishes they could be more consistent. The consistent golfer hits more fairways, reaches more greens, and sinks more putts. To become more consistent, golfers will work on an important skill they like to call tempo. Tempo refers to a golfers ability to apply pace, rhythm, and timing during their swing. Tempo is what I'm lacking.

The swing is one of the few things over which a golfer has complete control. Whenever the swing is unreliable, uncontrolled, or undisciplined, the game becomes unpredictable. This is the swing that Gale sees when I am playing without tempo; rushed, rigid, and unruly.

Finding my rhythm in golf requires intentional focus. I find that my tempo is at it's best when I am able to be present in the moment, aware of minor protocols like stance, grip, and clarity. Being in line with the target is one thing, but finding alignment with the mind and the body produces a higher degree of success.

Sounds so simple in doesn't it? One ought to be able to exercise complete control over basic routines and practices. However, life experience has taught me that the most basic things are derailed by the most trivial distractions. The baggage we bring to the tee box, no matter how trivial it may seem, undoubtedly influences the game that we are trying to play.

Successful daily living also requires the discipline of tempo. On any given day, life tees up opportunities whereby we can aim and engage. When taking your shot at work, school, or home, are you present? Do your thoughts wander to the dirty dishes waiting for you at home? Are you unnerved by that school assignment deadline? Does the argument from this morning gnaw at your soul?

Life demands a lot. It demands our time and our energy, and it will often steal them away from the unwitting and unaware mark. At it's worst, life becomes the ultimate pickpocket; subtle and crafty. And like any master pickpocket knows: before stealing the mark's goods, you must first steal his attention.

That which we attend to is that which we freely spend our time and energy on. When we attend to distractions, we freely spend our time and energy on distractions. We may protest, suggesting that the distraction was far too great, too crafty, or too pressing. But at the end of the day, we hold the purse strings and manage the expenditure of our attention.

By reclaiming control of our focus, we attend to the moment. Presence and rhythm guide our actions, and tempo becomes a reflection of our intentional presence. In this sense, presence creates the tempo, and tempo reinforces presence. When we lose presence, our tempo often becomes chaotic, either speeding up in anxiety or slowing down in hesitation. By bringing our attention back to the present, we can recalibrate our tempo, creating a more grounded, focused experience—whether that’s in the flow of a golf swing, the cadence of a conversation, or the steps of a task.

WHY IS BEING PRESENT SUCH A CHALLENGE?

At it's best, the task of being present feels simplistically complex. At it's worst, it feels impossibly difficult. I borrow the words from golf legend Arnold Palmer, who through his description of the game of golf, inadvertently explained the complexity of being present:

"[It] is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening."

Why?

Perhaps the simplest explanation is this: the present moment is uncomfortable. It demands that we face ourselves as we are, without distraction. In the here and now, there are no masks, no rewrites, and no guarantees.

When we choose to dwell in the past because it is certain. To live in the past is to live with no ambiguity. When faced with the uncertainty and discomfort of the present, we may choose to retreat to the concreteness of the past. What has happened, has happened. This is true, even with a past replete with pain and trauma. We focus on the past because it is real, made tangible through our scars and our trophies.

In our fixation on the past, we deceive ourselves into the belief that its tangibility makes it more “real” than the fleeting present. In reality, the moment before us—unfolding and alive—carries far more weight than any memory.

If in the past we find certainty, the future tantalizes us with possibility. Sometimes we live in the future to find hope, living out scenarios of wealth, peace, or prosperity. Other times we seek protection in the future, looking ahead to anticipate the impact of past or current mistakes, eager to resolve what we perceive as our biggest and most pressing problems. 

Optimism, hope, and planning are not inherently bad—but when they blind us to the present moment, we lose the very time we need to act on those dreams. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, “The present moment is the only moment available to us; it is the door to all moments.” The future is a fabrication until it becomes now.

"Every man's life lies within the present" explained Marcus Aurelius, "for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain."

In prioritizing the present, we often feel intense fear that we are somehow sacrificing our vision of the future or neglecting the wisdom of the past. These moments heighten our anxiety and trigger our "hurry up" response. To overcome this response, we must understand that prioritizing the present naturally places both future and past in their proper order. Tempo aligns past, present, and future allowing us to take the lessons we've learned, apply them to the task in front of us, and propel us to the vision before us. Any other sequence breeds rumination, distraction, and regret.

PRACTICAL STRATEGIES FOR RECLAIMING FOCUS

1) Break It Down

At the start of every season, legendary basketball coach John Wooden of UCLA gathered his players, rookies and veterans, and begin their instruction with the his most famous lesson - how to tie your shoes.

Every season, Wooden broke the art of basketball down into absolute fundamentals. There was, in Wooden's estimation, a "right way" to put on ones socks and lace up ones sneakers. He demonstrated how to smooth out every wrinkle in the sock, carefully pull it over the foot, and tighten the laces properly.

These young men were considered the top athletes in the country, among them the likes of Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Bill Walton, and other legendary Fall-of-Famers. To the newcomers, this lesson must have appeared so trivial. Why waste time on something so basic?

In his wisdom, Wooden understood the peril of neglecting this simple practice. Wooden explained that blisters from improperly worn socks or loose shoes could sideline a player, and a single missed practice or game due to such an avoidable issue could make the difference between winning and losing. This seemingly trivial practice reintroduced experienced players to the a series of fundamental lessons, each building upon it's predecessors.

John Wooden turned the practice of nicely laced sneakers into a streak of ten National Championships over the span of 12 years.

Whether you are aiming for National Championships, or aiming at a productive day, breaking down larger goals into actionable bites enhances the ability to focus and improves the likelihood of success. Not only does it reduce the impacts of distraction and overload, but it facilitates momentum and helps us effectively reset when we get derailed.

2) Routine Living

As mentioned before, living in the present may feel like sacrificing the future or ignoring the past. Indeed, you must walk a fine line between looking ahead and looking in front of you. Those who fail to look ahead cannot properly aim. Those who fail to look behind cannot benefit from the lessons of the past. And those who fail to look at the task in front of them cannot adjust.

We have established that paying appropriate attention to past, present, and future is essential, but less obvious is how is it possible? We have only a limited perspective, and many of us have an even more limited attention span.  How does one effectively toggle their attention adequately between, past, present and future? The answer is routine.

Effective golfer's use routine to align past, present, and future to great effect. Before stepping up to the ball, golfer's reflect on past experience—recalling lessons from practice, past shots, and technical adjustments. This reflection isn’t dwelling but rather a strategic recall of useful knowledge. As they address the ball, their focus shifts entirely to the present—feeling their grip, setting their stance, and taking a deep breath to center themselves. Finally, their routine includes a visualization of the future—the intended flight of the ball, the desired landing spot, and the outcome they hope to achieve.

Following a routine improves focus on the present moment by reducing mental clutter, minimizing decision fatigue, and creating a stable environment where attention can be fully engaged in the task at hand. When our daily actions become structured and predictable, we free up cognitive resources to be more present and intentional in each moment.

3) Selective Listening

In a world saturated with noise—social media updates, sensational news cycles, and idle chatter—our ability to listen selectively is a crucial skill for developing and maintaining focus. Few things hold more value than our attention, yet countless forces compete for it with flashy headlines and trivial distractions. Selective listening means filtering out fluff, identifying what matters, and directing focus toward those people, ideas, and tasks that enrich our lives. Just as a golfer maintains rhythm by focusing on their swing and the feel of the course rather than every noise around them, we create a steady tempo in our lives through intentional placement of our attention.

To develop this skill, start by distinguishing between what adds value to your day and what merely fills space. When engaging in conversation, focus on substance over spectacle—listen for meaning rather than mindless chatter. When consuming information, ask yourself whether it informs, inspires, or improves your perspective. If not, let it go. A steady, focused mind is not one that absorbs everything indiscriminately, but one that carefully curates its inputs. When we train ourselves to be more discerning, we gain clarity, reduce mental clutter, and stay anchored in the present moment.

Remember, that being a selective listener does not mean shutting out the world entirely. If we become too dismissive, we risk being uninformed or out of touch, missing out on vital cues that could shape our understanding of the world around us. Balance is key. In your efforts to filter distractions, remain open to perspectives that challenge you and information that broadens your awareness.

WHAT YOU STAND TO GAIN

As we develop a life governed by tempo, our daily living begins to follow a more predicable path, both balanced and efficient. When we move with a steady, intentional rhythm, we make better decisions, reduce stress, and accomplish more without feeling overwhelmed. In the end, whether we are playing the back nine or navigating the vicissitudes of life - we find more joy in the game.

John Wooden’s wisdom—“Be quick, but don’t hurry”—captures the essence of tempo. It reminds us that success comes not from frantic effort but from controlled, intentional movement. By rushing, we lose our rhythm, make careless mistakes, and allow distractions to dictate our pace. But when we move with purpose—staying focused, present, and selective about where we place our attention—we find a natural flow that leads to better decisions, better performance, and a greater sense of balance.

Maintaining tempo requires discipline, but it’s also freeing. By breaking down our focus, building steady routines, and practicing selective listening, we create space for what truly matters while filtering out the noise. Life will always be full of distractions, but we don’t have to fall victim to them. Instead, we can set our own pace, trust our process, and play the long game with confidence. Whether on the golf course or in daily life, the key is to stay present, stay intentional, and let tempo dictate our efforts.

Conquering the World

"The greatest victory is the victory over oneself" - Aristotle

"Conquer yourself rather than the world" - Rene Descartes

"He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty." - Lao Tzu

"To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one's own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat." - Plato

"The key to success and fulfillment is self-mastery. When you conquer yourself, you gain power to shape your destiny" - Tony Robbins

"To conquer yourself is to strive towards your highest potential. Take on the responsibility of shaping your character, and you will unlock the power to make a positive impact on the world." - Jordan Peterson

This is a principle upon which philosophers and prominent thinkers tend to agree, be they modern or ancient; Eastern or Western. If we are wanting to effect serious changes in the world around us, or if we have ambitions to conquer the injustices surrounding us, then we must first look at conquering ourselves first.

Hoping to learn some lessons from history's greatest conquerors, I wanted to look at some defining, yet common, characteristics that set apart the world's conquerors from the conquered. What I found helped me realize that not much really separates us from them, save for a few important principles.

Most fascinating to me where the stories of Ulysses S. Grant. Diving into his personal history, I am amazed to find that I am impressed with his personal living to the same degree that I am impressed with his historical significance. He seems to me a figure both larger than life, and perfectly plain; as relatable as he is untouchable.

What I find peculiar about the example of Ulysses S. Grant is that he is both an exemplary and cautionary tale of the importance of self-discipline. At his best, Grant is a Union hero whose military distinguishment preserves the Union and fulfills the promise of liberty for all. At his worst, he is a unkempt drunkard barely able to keep his own footing and hold meaningful employment. His story, for me, exemplifies the unique struggle we all have with our personal demons, and demonstrates the heights we can achieve when we can conquer our appetites and our base desires.

From the study of Grant's military conquests, I have identified three distinguishing characteristics that prove effective in the conquest of both the self, and the world. Though these stories show how Grant conquered on the battlefield, there are many examples too how Grant used these tactics to conquer himself as well. As you read through these, consider what you might gain in your personal life by applying these same principles towards your own self-conquest.

1. WIN THE DAY'S FIRST BATTLES 

April 6, 1862 

"Well, Grant, we've had the devils own day haven't we?"

The hour was approaching midnight when General William Tecumseh Sherman found his friend General Ulysses S. Grant resting beneath a tree. Grant knew that the day had been a disaster. Being so unsettled by the scene of mangled bodies and shredded limbs, Grant opted to spend his night outside. 

If Grant was seeking comfort and quiet away from the horrific sounds of the makeshift surgical stations, he likely did not find it beneath the meager shelter of that tree. Torrential rain fell across the miles-long battlefield, and the sound of rain could not mask the groans and lamentations of wounded and dying soldiers. One could not see the suffering soldiers in the pitch black night, but Grant could hear them laying in a field of grotesquely severed limbs and shredded bodies. Gun and cannon fire had ceased for the day, but the awful sounds of war did not stop with the ceasefire. Sobbing, moaning, and grieving; observers like Grant and Sherman could even hear wild hogs snorting and rooting around the piles of soldiers. The desperate screaming suggested that the hogs did not discriminate between living and dead flesh.

"This night of horrors," swore one Confederate soldier, "will haunt me to my grave."

In what must've seemed to Grant a tender mercy, lightning split the night sky, accompanied by a symphony of thunder. For brief terrible moments, the thunder roared loud enough (thankfully) to muffle the noises of death and suffering. Soldiers retired for the night, sleeping in puddles of filth and blood; without shelter and exposed to the hellish elements of the night. It was, indeed, the devil's own day.

To look upon Grant that night, one would not have guessed that the General had endured perhaps the most tarnishing and emotional loss of the Civil War. News of the devastation and bloodshed was bound provoke a negative national sentiment towards Grant, something that the General was already accustomed to. All things considered, Sherman might have expected to see a disheveled, exhausted, and tortured commanding officer.

I like to imagine that Grant was exhausted and worn down. Though highly decorated and well accomplished, Grant could show the faults of his human side. He sometimes lacked confidence and he was known to experience bouts of depression. He abhorred the sight of blood, and the scene at Shiloh far exceeded the boundaries of bloodshed; highlighting a new horrific standard for gore and carnage. For Grant, the mantle of Major General must have felt immensely heavy, and lonely.

However, where one might expect to see a man disheveled and discouraged, Sherman beheld something entirely different in the countenance of his friend Ulysses. Sure, Grant was injured and nursing a broken body, and the toll of the prolonged conflict showed in the Major General's leathered face. But Grant appeared resolute, dogged, and extraordinarily unnerved.

Turning to his friend and comrade, Ulysses took a long drag from his cigar, then agreeing with Sherman's assessment of the days events, Grant replied with his classic stoic tone:

"Yes. Lick 'em tomorrow though."

At 5:00 am the very next morning, Grant set in motion a well orchestrated counterattack. Being on the offensive, pressuring the enemy early and relentlessly characterized General Grants military philosophy. Indeed, Grant was often the first to the field, and the last from the fight. Union troops pushed back the triumphant Confederates, regaining precious (now sacred) ground until the momentum had shifted decisively in favor of the Army of the Tennessee and the Army of the Ohio. 

While the Confederates rested on their laurels, Grant could have rested on his griefs, his losses, and his broken body. The first day of Shiloh was a disaster for Grant, and he knew that negative personal consequences were a certainty. Even so, Grant set aside his personal discomfort, overcame his emotional distress, and put himself to getting the job done in the early hours of the day.

On April 7, 1862, long before the first shots were fired, and even hours before the first shots were fired, Grant had won the day's first battles. Everyone remembers the glorious march of victorious troops. Everyone remembers the raucous shouting of the champions. But rarely to we recognize that our public victories are only sustained by gaining ground on the unseen and unsung battlefields in our minds and in our hearts.

In the campaign to conquer one-self, these earliest battles are some of the most important. We must understand, as Grant understood, that to gain the upper hand one has to take the initiative, build momentum, and diligently pursue and build off of early gains. Admittedly, few of us are called upon to stare down an army of 44,699 strong. But like Grant, we too have our early and unsung battles to win:

- Resisting the snooze button

- Making your bed

- Engaging in morning Exercise

- Making time for thoughtful meditation

- Managing a good breakfast

I imagine you laughing at this moment, but as trivial as these battles might seem, they make the all the difference for conquerors. Starting the day in a consistent and repeatable manner will give you the momentum you need to turn the tide and win with greater frequency the public battles you will face.

If you're still laughing, consider (and I mean really consider) just how difficult it is to have this kind of perfect morning. You're tired. You're unmotivated. You're treated unfairly. You're grieving. You're resting on your laurels. Upon hearing that morning alarm, what excuses are you telling yourself? What is your rationale? Whatever, it may be, it cannot be greater than the prospect of losing the war on account of your not engaging on the smaller, yet arguably more significant, battlefield.

I have had my best days, my best months, and my best years when I am willing to fight the day's first battles. This has not been without its challenges. There have been times where I have given up that sacred early morning ground to melancholy, apathy, and ego.

I've plugged my phone in on the opposite side of the room to encourage myself to physically walk out of bed.

I've prepped copious amounts of bacon, eggs, sausage, and cheese to keep on hand a low-carb snack.

I've even resorted to limiting my linens to a single blanket with the aim of simplifying the act of making my bed every morning.

Even so, I struggle daily to embrace the early morning discomfort, and do what it takes to win the day's early battles. And it goes without saying that we won't win those battles every day. We should expect to fall short. But as we strive to conquer ourselves through a disciplined morning routine, we will soon find ourselves more capable, more prepared, and more confident in our attempts to conquer the world.

2. BE DISCIPLINED, NOT MILITANT

May 1, 1863

Scouting reports already established that an invading Union Army had crossed the mighty Mississippi river. For months, the natural water barrier had kept a Union force over 50,000 strong at a safe distance from the Confederate garrison at Vicksburg, Mississippi. Largely considered the "Gibraltar of the Confederacy", Vicksburg occupied a strong defensive position nestled among protective bayous, rugged topography, and high bluffs. After daring to run the gauntlet of guns along the waterfront, Union boats were now ferrying Federal troops safely onto Confederate soil. Even so, Lieutenant General John C. Pemberton's confidence remained strong that his Confederate command would drive away Union forces commanded by the aggressive U.S. Grant.

Monitoring the situation closely from the safety of Vicksburg, Pemberton's intelligence personnel delivered news of sporadic and harmless skirmishes throughout the Mississippi countryside. Despite having successfully run their transports safely past the cannons of Vicksburg, the normally aggressive Grant appeared to have grown indecisive and disorganized. Finding themselves deep in enemy territory, the Union army also found themselves without a secure steady supply chain. Starvation seemed like a real possibility for the Union army; a problem normally reserved for the besieged, not an invading force.

Behind the scenes, Confederates were quickly coordinating an impressive relief force under the command of the decorated General Joseph E. Johnston in the nearby city of Jackson, Mississippi. The arrival of General Johnston would effectively sandwich the invading Union army between two Confederate strongholds with little chance to escape, let alone carry out an effective invasion strategy.

Pemberton's confidence did not seem to be misplaced. He only needed to continue fortifying Vicksburg, collecting intelligence, and preparing for the coalescing Union force set to appear on the outskirts of the city. Once the Union forces turned west towards Vicksburg, the trap would be set.

But Ulysses S. Grant did not turn his forces towards Vicksburg.

On May 12, a very sizeable and organized Union force turned eastward, arriving in the city of Raymond. The move intercepted and disabled Confederate reinforcements sorely needed in the defensive efforts for Vicksburg. Shortly thereafter, Union troops organized a military welcome party for General Johnston in Jackson. The boldly coordinated offensive forced Johnston to abandon the city, and severed supply lines to Vicksburg. Grant's intrepid maneuvering effectively sidelined the illustrious General Joseph E. Johnston for the remainder of the Vicksburg campaign.

General Grant and the Union forces finally converged upon the city of Vicksburg May 18, 1863. Thoroughly deceived and outmaneuvered, Pemberton oversaw a grueling siege as the Confederates endured cannon-fire, starvation, and near mutiny. For months, the Union war machine undertook doomed-to-fail strategies to circumnavigate the imposing defenses of Vicksburg. After finally crossing the Mississippi River, anyone would have reasonably expected that an aggressive Grant would have immediately set his army upon Vicksburg. Grant may have been aggressive, but he was not impatient. A militant Grant might have turned his forces West with understandable haste. But a disciplined Grant knew that simply arriving at Vicksburg would not suffice; Grant needed to conquer it.

To conquer the self is to conquer appetites, comforts, and desires. Perhaps you have found that at certain times in your life, a spark of inspiration stirs you towards a better diet or exercise regime. Your temporary enthusiasm drives you to adopt some radical eating practices, or purchase some "essential" workout gear. After a day, you may doubt your initial commitments. After a week, you begin to reason away your lack of success. After a month, your cookbooks and workout gear finds their way into a storage bin alongside other dust covered good intentions.

We seem to think that a conqueror is someone who gets there first. Therefore, we sprint and we race, only to crash and burn. What we need to understand is that a conqueror primarily concerns him/herself over outlasting their opponent. It is simply not enough to outsprint them.

Does this mean we drag our feet? Certainly not. Hustle and decisiveness play a crucial in our bid to conquer ourselves. Self-conquest combines both the elements of efficacy and urgency. However, we must cultivate the ability to be measured in our endeavors.

Ancient Roman philosophy supports this idea of being disciplined without being militant. Romans espoused the principle of Festina Lente, roughly translated to mean "to make haste slowly" or "to hurry slowly". Festina Lente epitomizes the idea of our need to act with a sense of urgency whilst maintaining a deliberate and cautious approach. It suggests a balance between prudence and potency; austerity and aggressiveness. When one considers the far-reaching conquests the Roman Empire, one might conclude that there is some merit to the idea of Festina Lente.

3. KNOW THY ENEMY

March 9, 1864

You'd have rarely seen the Major General appear so unnerved, but upon finding himself distanced from the familiarity of the western theater of the war, a visibly uncomfortable and annoyed Ulysses Grant endured what he would later admit was the hottest campaign he had ever fought. He had grown accustomed to the roar of cannons and the whistle of bullets, but Grant would never become accustomed to the sound of applause and praise.

At the insistence of Secretary of State William H. Seward, Grant  stood upon a White House sofa that had been temporarily repurposed as an impromptu podium. Americans had heard about the hero of Fort Donelson, Vicksburg, and Chattanooga, but for the crowd of White House visitors, this would be their first view of the gauche and pretense-less commander.

Grant had been called in from the his post in the west, travelling from Nashville to receive his new commission of lieutenant general, assuming command of the entire Union war effort. Soon, Abraham Lincoln would formally place the general at the head of the Army of the Potomac, setting into motion the final phase of the American Civil War.

For Lincoln, selecting Grant for this ultimate post made sense in terms both practical and political. Grant had proven himself the most capable commander among Union leadership. He masterfully besieged the impenetrable garrison at Vicksburg, later breaking the siege at Chattanooga in near hopeless circumstances. Grant had demonstrated prowess without pretention, and ferocity without savagery. Grant understood, as Lincoln liked to put it, "the awful arithmetic". Of the many qualities distinguishing Grant from the cadre of failed commanders in the Union Army, one seemed to really set him apart: 

Grant knew his enemy.

In the years preceding Grant, the Union War effort seemed to be characterized by two major conflicts; one with the Confederacy, and the other within the Union ranks itself. Lincoln and the Union endured a carousel of commanders who often showed more hostility and rancor towards each other than towards the Confederacy. George B. McClellan showed an intense dislike of Abraham Lincoln, privately deriding the President and then publicly running against him as a presidential candidate. Henry Halleck replaced McClellan, but this appointment yielded virtually no improvement. Of Halleck, it was said that his primary goals were to [expand] his command and [make] sure no blame of any sort fell on him." General Halleck schemed against the effective and increasingly popular Grant, going so far as to intentionally leave Grant with dilapidated forces and disorderly supply lines. These were men who had shown a fundamental misunderstanding over who the real enemy was, and the Union paid the price in the currency of blood and lives.

In Grant, Lincoln had found a different type of general; one devoid of a squabbling or shifty character. Grant was not Machiavellian in his ambition. He did not wage clandestine campaigns against his contemporaries. He did not gossip about his superiors. In his ascension towards ultimate command, he showed no degree of self-preservation, egotism, nor vanity. Instead, Grant shows a strong sense of duty and a clear understanding of who the enemy really is. Grant expends his energy strategizing against the Confederacy, not scheming against his President or subverting his subordinates. Grant knows who his enemy is, and he wastes no effort in taking the battle to them.

In our conquest of the self, we are the enemy who needs conquering. Though we might find comfort looking outside ourselves to place blame and find fault with others, we are in reality turning our attention away from the actual battlefield, refusing to engage in combat with the single greatest adversary standing between us and success; our own self.

In the context of a military campaign, knowing your enemy provides an overwhelming advantage over the opposition. For this reason, successful commanders invest a great deal of resources into espionage, scouting, and intelligence. Conquerors must know who they are conquering, what motivates them, how strong they are, and where they are going. Without this knowledge, there can be no sound strategy, and without a sound strategy, there can be no clear path to victory.

Socrates explained that "to know thyself is the beginning of all wisdom." Knowing ourselves takes a disciplined effort. It is one thing to ask who you are, why you do certain things, and where you are going, but is is an entirely different thing to sit with your thoughts and listen for the answers. Asking for the sake of asking is nothing more than moping. But to ask and then to listen is the essence of getting to know ourselves. By listening and observing, we will recognize our motivations, our shortcomings, and our weaknesses, thereby granting us critical intelligence we can employ in the campaign against our lesser self.

To label ourselves an enemy of ourselves is a radical and potentially dangerous approach. Doing so might leave the door open for an unhealthy sense of self and a propensity towards self-loathing. Please understand that when I say we are our own worst enemy, I am not recommending that we treat ourselves as we would treat an enemy in the classic sense. We must take care that we do not become so overly zealous in our conquest that we engage in tactics that belittle, debilitate, or render ourselves ineffectual. The only effective campaign against the self is the campaign executed with kindness, benevolence, and respect for the would-be-conquered (ourselves).

Of course, this does not mean that we undertake a campaign of half-assery and apathy. We cannot afford to tip-toe around those internal battles that must be fought and won. We can be empathetic in our intolerance. We can be forgiving in our determination. To find balance between these is to walk an elusive and ambiguous line. However, I can assure you that line can be walked.

The same Ulysses S. Grant who had earned the nickname "Unconditional Surrender Grant" is the same Grant who repeatedly demonstrated how to walk that line between ferocity and benevolence. He demonstrated this enigmatic ability at Appomattox Courthouse when, after negotiating the favorable terms of surrender of General Lee's army, Grant admonished his troops for their celebratory displays:

"The war is over," he explained, "the rebels are our countrymen again."

In Grant-like fashion, we cannot be afraid of fighting the battles that need to be fought. However, we cannot afford to denigrate nor castigate ourselves. A conquered enemy subjected to humiliation and shame is an enemy filled with bitterness and resentment. Yes we must conquer our lesser-self, but then we must look to the future showing gratitude for our victories and appreciation for our growth.

CONQUER THE WORLD

It is easy to look outside ourselves and notice the many injustices and imperfections that surround us. The world is plagued by misinformed mobs, corrupt authorities, and unfair circumstances. Knowing this, we might identify a great many wrongs that we want to right. But the way in which we can accomplish those conquests is clear: it begins with conquering ourselves.

Zeno of Citium, the founder of the school of stoic philosophy explained that "man conquers the world by conquering himself."

When looking at examples of conquerors, ancient and modern, you will see how men and women who exemplify principles of self-discipline eventually seem to conquer the worlds around them. Empires, kingdoms, tyrants, and corrupted individuals have all been conquered by men and women who win the days first battles, show discipline over militancy, and are able to discern whom their true enemy is.

Conversely, history has shown that even the most disciplined and battle hardened individuals can lose their way.

For every principled George Washington, there is a power hungry Napoleon Bonaparte.

For every self-effacing Ulysses S. Grant, there is a self-aggrandizing George B. McClellan.

For every selfless Lucius Cincinnatus, there is a self-serving Julius Caesar.

Once having conquered yourself sufficiently, and upon finding yourself in a position where you might actually conquer some worldly injustice, take care that you maintain a strong sense of humility, introspection, and self-discipline. Those same principles upon which you conquered yourself are the same principles that will carry you to victory in your own proverbial Shiloh, Vicksburg, and Appomatox. Abandoning those principles may seem tempting if it means you get to exact your revenge or impose your world view upon others, but it will ultimately lead to ruin. If you haven't conquered yourself, then someone ultimately will conquer you.

Virtue and Confidence

February 25, 1964

The opening bell clangs at Convention Hall in Miami Beach Florida, and an intense Sonny "Big Bear" Liston emerges from his corner of the ring looking to maim, brutalize, and maybe even commit murder. An imposing figure, sports writers described Liston as an unbeatable monster, with "arms like fence posts" and "thighs like silos". Having gained notoriety for his toughness, his power, and his downright terrifying appearance, Liston climbed the ranks of the boxing world, leaving in his wake a mountainous ruin of bruised and humiliated boxing legends.

Modern boxing legend Mike Tyson lionized The Big Bear, saying "Sonny Liston made me look like a boy scout." High praise from another of boxing's most terrifying and notorious figures.

Considered an 8-1 favorite, Liston entered the fight intent on ending this bout in the same manor in which he had obtained and retained his championship title; decisively and destructively.

As if defending his championship title wasn't enough to motivate him, Liston's murderous intent was only intensified by the taunts and jeers he endured at the hands of the challenger. The aptly named "Louisville Lip" began poking "The Bear" mere moments after the fight had been announced. The morning after signing contracts to fight, the motor mouth challenger purchased a bus, scribed the words "Liston Must Go In Eight", then proceeded to drive the bus down through the quiet Denver neighborhood where Liston lived. This episode irritated Sonny Liston to no end. And when it came to the provocation, there indeed was no end:

"After the fight, I'm gonna build myself a pretty home and use him as a bearskin rug."

"Liston even smells like a bear."

"I'm gonna give him to the local zoo after I whup him."

"If Sonny Liston whups me, I'll kiss his feet in the ring, crawl out of the ring on my knees, tell him he's the greatest, and catch the next jet out of the country."

Normally sympathetic towards the underdog, even the public grew impatient and disaffected with the "Louisville Lip". The taunting had become so dogged and incessant, that it made the fearsome Liston into a sympathetic figure, despite having a violent past and criminal history. Many wished silently, and openly, that the monstrous Liston would keep this "sassy" figure in line.

Liston aimed to do just that. Hurtling his imposing 218 lb body towards the mouthy challenger, Sonny Liston was going to end the fight quickly, and on his terms. 

Three rounds into the fight, the world watched challenger Cassius "Louisville Lip" Clay take control of the fight. An angry Liston, fuming and lunging, threw punch after punch in the early rounds, but managed to land only a few strikes on the superiorly speedy and shifty Clay. 

Having driven Liston to the ropes and drawing blood (a first for Liston's career), Cassius Clay endured a thunderous beating in the closing seconds of the third round, then astonishingly returned to his corner unphased.

Turning back towards Liston, Clay shouted with astonishing confidence "You big sucka, I got you now!"

Watching the entire spectacle ringside, Sports Illustrated writer Mort Sharnik thought, "My God, Cassius Clay is winning this fight!"

Clay must have sensed this for himself, for at the end of the sixth round, he turned his attention towards the reporters and prophesied:

"I'm gonna upset the world."

At the sounding of the bell for round seven, Clay entered the middle of the ring alone. Liston would not return to the fight, giving the "Louisville Lip" the victory by technical knockout. 

Staring down from the ring towards the corps of bewildered sports writers, an elated Clay spurned his detractors:

"Eat your words!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest! I'm the greatest!"

In the years that followed the historic Liston vs. Clay fight at Convention Hall, the world would watch the meteoric rise of Muhammad Ali, witnessing his tumultuous rise to become one of the world's most elite and iconic athletes. In a career defined by controversy and revolution, confidence might be the most endearing quality exemplified by boxing's all time greatest Heavyweight Champion.

"To succeed in life," quipped Mark Twain "you need two things: ignorance and confidence."

Confidence is an important quality we must strive for. Success and growth are amplified most when we approach life determined, poised, and tenacious. But for many, the feelings of confidence seem elusive or ephemeral. Devoid of confidence, we might find ourselves beset by chronic disappointment and heartache, keeping us in a hopeless cycle of extreme cataclysm and middling mediocrity.

Roman philosopher Seneca reinforced this unfortunate truth, explaining that "our lack of confidence is not the result of difficulty. Our difficulty comes from our lack of confidence."

Ultimately, confidence cannot be bestowed upon us by any outside force. Our mortal peers cannot award confidence. Neither can divine powers bestow it upon us. Rather, confidence is an internal force; one earned through trial, struggle, and discipline.

So, how we can go about developing confidence? We certainly don't want to struggle for the sake of struggling. Nor do we want to endure trials just for the hell of it. I for one, feel a lot better facing my struggles with a little clarity, and I must admit that this struggle has been all but clear for me.

If you're like me, you have had to wade through a lot of ambiguity, confusion, and frustration. And, if you're like me, you have likely experienced times in your life where your struggles are for naught, and your confidence levels plummet. This again begs the question: How can we build our confidence?

I think we can find some hints in Doctrine and Covenants Section 121:

45. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God...

While many scriptures allude to the importance of confidence, no other scripture formulaically explains how to actually develop confidence. This verse seems to reveal that confidence is the product of virtuous thinking and virtuous living.

Simple... Yes! But incredibly frustrating for a guy who has put in a commendably valiant (though imperfect) effort at virtuous thinking and living, but who still struggles to find solid ground in terms of confidence. Finding myself in this paradoxical predicament, I've been left alone wondering many discomforting thoughts:

Are my thoughts really virtuous?

Are my thoughts virtuous enough?

Am I actually living out a virtuous life?

Are my actions virtuous enough?

Is the formula wrong altogether?

Now, through discomfort we find growth, and perspective through pain. Through much contemplation and spiritual wrestling, I have hopefully gained a clearer understanding on this crucial connection between virtue and confidence. In the final analysis, the formula is sound, and though our own self-appraisal may not cast upon us a flattering light, I believe many of us do put forth an honest and noble effort.

So where is the disconnect?

It is in our understanding over what it means to think and live virtuously.

"Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly"

In every Sunday School lesson on chastity and purity, we hear the admonition to keep our thoughts unadulterated. In the context of every church discussion surrounding the moral stumbling blocks such as pornography, immorality, and modesty, these are among the words most widely used by teachers and leaders: Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.

In the context of sexual morality, these words certainly apply. Unchaste living can, and does, rob us of living our best lives. However, I think applying this counsel solely and narrowly to the realm of sexual purity and promiscuity leads to consequences both unfortunate and unintended. Thinking this way converts spiritual stumbling blocks into spiritual death sentences. It robs the genuinely penitent of confidence; confidence they would need to overcome their shortcomings. More importantly, it ignores a broader and more effective application of virtue; one expanding beyond the confines of chastity and purity.

To understand this clearer, we got to ask what virtue is.

Virtue can be defined as moral excellence. A virtue is a trait or quality deemed morally good, having value as a foundational element of good moral living. Some globally recognized virtues include (but are not limited to) valor, integrity, loyalty, civility, knowledge, patience, chastity, kindness, honor, discipline, industriousness, dignity, and even humor.

If we are to take seriously the invitation to unceasingly garnish our thoughts with virtue, then we cannot focus solely on a single virtue like chastity. In doing so, we leave far too many blessings on the table. In doing so, we deny ourselves the benefits of a mind garnished with equally important virtues such as wisdom, temperance, justice, and courage.

The thirteenth article of faith appears to support this broadened view of virtue:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

"Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God"

Imagine now, a man or woman, who has patterned their thoughts and behaviors on virtue. Not focused on just one virtue, but rather on a cadre of universally venerated virtues. Imagine, if you will, how this person lives. How do they carry themselves? How do they interact with others? In your minds eye, observe their speech, their posture, and their stature. Notice their regal demeanor and calming influence. Notice their confidence.

It is worth noting that we are promised confidence in the presence of God. This serves as a subtle reminder that we should seek actions deemed pleasing to God rather than action deemed pleasing towards man. When considering the implications of having confidence in the presence of God, it becomes apparent why this matters so much more than if we had confidence in the presence of man. To have confidence in the presence of God is to have confidence unwavering, unimpeded, and unassailable, for He is a being both omniscient and omnipresent. In contrast, to have confidence in the presence of man is to have confidence unstable, unreliable, and unprotected, for men are both fickle and their opinions fleeting.

Some might find it difficult to think of confidence in these terms. If you find yourself in this camp, please consider the following:

If you believe pleasing God to be an impossible task, consider the futility of pleasing people

If you think the consistent and clear standards of God are unattainable, try meeting the inconsistent and imprecise standards of men.

For those of us who have sought validation, praise, and approval from other imperfect beings, both in public and in private, is it any wonder why many are struggling with issues of confidence? Our strategy should be not to find confidence, rather to build confidence.

American singer and YouTuber Christina Grimmie summarized this well when she said, "Confidence is not 'They will like me'. Confidence instead is 'I'll be fine if they don't.'" 

This is the mindset for those whose confidence has waxed strong through virtuous thinking and living. Not every rich man is confident. Not every beautiful woman is confident. Not every talented individual is confident. However, every truly virtuous person is a confident person.

This is the confidence exemplified by Muhammad Ali. Some might conclude that the confidence, the bravado, and the bluster demonstrated by Ali must have been a ringside work of drama; a false front for a false sense of security. I am not inclined to believe that. Many might not have respected his positions or opinions, but one cannot deny that he lived a virtuous life in many aspects.

Though imperfect, Ali demonstrated virtue beyond the ropes and outside the spotlight. Virtue guided his decisions to hold to his convictions and stand firm in his faith, even if it meant earning the scorn of the general public, sacrificing 3 years of his prime boxing career, or distancing himself from dissonant company. Muhammad Ali wasn't confident because of his talents or his accomplishments. Muhammad Ali was confident because of the virtues he espoused, which in turn honed his talents and augmented his accomplishments.

We too can enjoy these fruits of confidence, if we decide to espouse virtue and allow it to garnish our thoughts unceasingly. We would be wise not to limit ourselves to just one virtue, rather we should be open to espousing many virtues.

The Stoic Virtues

Of the many virtues upon which we can place our focus, I have enjoyed studying most the principle virtues of the stoics, namely justice, wisdom, courage, and temperance. I have found that all virtues fit neatly under one of these cardinal virtues. I have also found that my confidence has improved most when I find myself reflecting on them consistently. Here are some quick things I have learned about each of these virtues, and some nascent thoughts about how each can improve our confidence.

JUSTICE

When reflecting on the virtue of justice, I have learned to ask myself if I am being just, not only with others, but also with myself.

Scripture encourages us to show charity towards all men. That being said, how often do we show charity towards ourselves? How often are we giving ourselves the benefit of a doubt, or cutting ourselves some slack? Certainly when looking at the parameters of "all men", we should (and must) find ourselves numbered among all men.

Garnishing our thoughts with virtues like justice will increase our capacity for mercy, fairness, and objectivity when dealing with ourselves, and with others. In having our thoughts geared towards justice, we might find ourselves thinking more on what is right, and not so much on who is right. Our confidence will increase as we learn to avoid passing judgment harshly, either towards others or ourselves.

TEMPERANCE 

When reflecting on the virtue of temperance, I have identified the extremes in my life. This has provided me with the confidence in my decisions over where I can cut excess and waste in my daily living.

"Very little is needed to make a happy life," spoke Marcus Aurelius, "it is all within yourself in your way of thinking."

Garnishing our thoughts with virtues like temperance will allow us to to employ patience in our trials, and delay gratification. A person whose mind is influenced by temperance might experience an increase in gratitude, and they might have more success in addressing their mental and physical health. Our confidence will increase as we become more disciplined in our pursuits and executive in our decisions. 

WISDOM

When reflecting on the virtue of wisdom, I have been more deliberate in my thinking and critical of my thought patterns. I have exercised better judgement, asked for help more often, and allowed myself room to grow and understand the world around me.

In another tidbit of wisdom, Marcus Aurelius explained that "The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are"

Garnishing our thoughts with virtues like wisdom will improve our abilities to discern and reflect. A person whose mind is influenced by wisdom might experience unique insight and a heightened ability to confront challenges. They can do so, because they can see these difficulties for what they really are. Our confidence will increase as we can perceive, define, and confront our difficulties in effective ways.

COURAGE

When reflecting on the virtue of courage, I have reflected more on what it means to be courageous. I have recognized that courage expressed in simple ways is as impactful as courage expressed through grandiosity.

Quoting from everyone's favorite wizard, Gandalf, "Some believe it is only great power [and I would add courage], that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found that it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love."

Garnishing our thoughts with virtues like courage will compel us towards courageous action. A person whose mind is influenced by courage might experience fear and trepidation, but they know the importance of the fight in which they find themselves. They take punches when they must and throw punches when they can. Courage enables them to exist outside the comfort zone, allowing them to take action. Our feelings of confidence grow only after our actions of confidence show. 

In our pursuit to think and live virtuously, we must be careful that we do not adorn our thoughts, nor model our behavior, with counterfeit virtues. Sometimes we deceive ourselves into believing that traits such as victimhood, anxiety, and naivete are in fact virtuous. Some might believe that haughtiness, foolhardiness, and combativeness are virtuous. Others will endorse extremes in the opposite; docility, apology, and conformity. These are not virtues! 

Victimhood ≠ Nobleness

Harmlessness ≠ Congeniality

Weakness ≠ Meekness

Envy ≠ Ambition

Understanding this, we must exercise just discernment and wise introspection. In doing so, we might discover more vice than virtue.

There is no escaping this singular truth: Life is suffering. Life is challenging. Life is difficult. But, we get to choose our difficult. We either accept the difficulties of life made worse from our lack of confidence. Or, we must accept the difficult task of developing and maintaining our confidence through virtuous thought and action. 

The Contemptuous Spirit

On the evening of January 19, 2019, millions of Americans tuned in to major television networks for their daily dose of current events. With political and societal tensions at an all time high, one particular story seemed to capture perfectly the unfortunate condition of the ongoing political and civil discourse.

Broadcasting a number of condensed video clips popularized through social media, Americans witnessed an uncomfortable confrontation between what appeared to be a raucous group of high school boys and an elderly Native American activist, Nathan Phillips. In what media outlets called an "explosive convergence of race, religion, and ideological beliefs", viewers watched as the elderly stoic Phillips courageously approached the MAGA clad teenagers, beating his drum in rhythmic defiance of the disrespectful crowd of young men who had appeared to have been mocking the indigenous group through chants and dances.

In recounting the event, Phillips explained his actions as a response to escalating tensions between the disrespectful Covington Catholic Highschool students and other nearby protesters. Phillips described the student's behavior as hateful, racist, and incendiary. 

"Here are American youth who are ready to, look like, lynch these (protestors)," explained Phillips. "To be honest, they looked like they were going to lynch them. They were in this mob mentality."

Phillips described being corralled and denied the opportunity to leave the altercation. Social media snippets and still photos seemed to corroborate Phillips' experience. Many in the public arena lamented the lack of civility, and decried the shameful display of the Covington Highschool boys. 

House Representative Deb Haaland felt that the the students' display of blatant hate, disrespect, and  intolerance signaled of how common decency had decayed to sad and unprecedented levels.

"Heartbreaking." she said.

Indeed, a heartbreaking story... though not for the reasons you might think.

In the days following the ordeal, full and unedited versions of the altercation became available to the public. As is often the case in most conflicts, truth became the first casualty of this confrontation. The Covington Highschool boys were a close second.

Far from being the aggressors, these boys found themselves on the receiving end of some of the most vile and demeaning castigation from opposing activists... Adult activists. Far from seeking conflict, these boys obediently waited at the spot designated to them for bus pickup, endured a torrent of incendiary ridicule, and suddenly found themselves centerstage to a hostile smear campaign; casualties in a larger cultural battle over ideology and politics.

In the weeks that followed, harassment, ridicule, and death threats became daily occurrences. While the world at large scoffed and scorned, these boys and their families watched their peace, their future, and their security wither away at the hands of a miserably misinformed mob.

From this experience, pundits attempted gleaning some kind of moral significance or insight into the cultural and societal sickness which had produced such an outcome. In the end, that same polarizing spirit precipitating the original confrontation also dominated the analyses of the event in the weeks and months that followed. Some placed the blame entirely at the feet of irresponsibly partisan news networks. Others condemned the role of social media. Some, even in the face of overwhelming exculpatory video evidence, still blamed the highschool boys and the "malevolent" white culture they represented. Sadly,  few actually recognized the true source from which all hostility, malcontent, and malfeasance are borne -- namely, contempt. 

To possess a spirit of contempt means harboring an unholy mixture of anger, disgust, superiority, vanity, and annoyance towards an individual or group. The contemptuous person sees their target of ire as beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving of scorn. Because of its unique emotional composition, contempt burns intensely below the surface while simultaneously revealing itself in very cold, calculated, and subdued behaviors. 

A naturally complex emotion, the contemptuous spirit will look like many things:

- A casual or dismissive rolling of the eyes

- An aversion towards problem solving or reconciling

- An egotistical smirk or lifeless stare

- A cold uneasy silence 

- A smug or condescending tone from a position of authority (feigned or real)

- A duplicitous temperament craftily disguised as diplomatic or virtuous 

- A hesitation to accommodate, engage, or acknowledge

- A caustic assertion of power or status

Poisonous and insidious to its core, contempt is that deteriorating force that ruins relationships and postpones peace. Clinical research has shown that the most reliable predictor of divorce among married couples is contempt. When present in relationships, the contemptuous spirit is a signal of serious relational issues. 

Dr. John Gottman, a revered relational researcher and clinician has said that, "Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love."

Beyond the confines of the home, contempt can have devastating impacts on relationships at work, in the community, and among friends. The success and enjoyment we experience in life hinges on the quality of our relationships with others and with ourselves. Knowing this, we should take inventory of our relationships; observing to what degree contempt has influenced them and taking steps to remedy the damage done by our own contemptuous actions.

Taking inventory of my own relationship with contempt, it takes me a short time to recognize how my contemptuous feelings are made manifest. Others won't see my contempt through a rolling of the eyes or cavalier scoff. Instead, I tend to reveal my contempt through inaction. In expression of my distaste and my disapproval, I am apt to withdraw, go silent, or seethe. Although my show of personal contempt may not appear as vicious, nor as venomous, there is little doubt in my mind of it's pernicious affect upon my life at home, at work, and at large.

You see, I deceive myself into a perception that my reaction is far nobler; staying above the fray is something to be revered. After all, if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. Right? Besides, the person to whom I would be directing my thoughts and words couldn't possibly be open to critique, constructive or otherwise. It is highly unlikely they possess the intestinal fortitude to withstand the degree of ingratitude and disrespect shown unto me. I am, after all, above all of that.

If you can see the paradoxical nature of my attitude, I congratulate you. For me, this subtle sense of superiority and vanity IS the spirit of contempt. Withholding my effort and energy serves no purpose, other than to gratify pride and ego. In doing so, my action (or inaction) only perpetuates suffering and hinderance to others (unknowingly) and to myself (unwittingly).

I may think that I am sparing myself the energy and exertion of solving a difficult problem with a potentially difficult person. But the act of stewing and brewing always manages to burn away whatever spared energy left from my withdrawal, ultimately leaving me burned up, and burnt out. And after all that, the problem still remains untouched and unsolved.

"We must endure the contempt of others," taught Neal A. Maxwell, "without reciprocating that contempt."

This is true, regardless of our propensity to express or suppress contempt through our action or inaction. We must endure the contempt of others. But that does not mean that we must tolerate it. To tolerate the contempt of others is to subjugate ourselves unnecessarily to the corrosive effects of contempt.

In his penultimate novel "Great Expectations", Charles Dickens introduces us to the orphan Pip, and we get to follow his interactions with a cadre of classic, if not colorful, characters. Much of the story revolves around an unrequited relationship Pip shares with a beautiful girl, Estella. From a young age, she treats Pip coldly:

Estella says, “And what coarse hands he has. And what thick boots!”

I had never thought of being ashamed of my hands before; but I began to consider them a very indifferent pair. Her contempt was so strong, that it became infectious, and I caught it.”

Pip tolerates Estella's contempt, and in the process provides us a cautionary tale of the damage we sustain by tolerating contemptible behavior. Indeed, contempt is a deadly contagion, and those unfortunate enough to become ill with it nearly always develop toward themselves an intense form of self-contempt. As American philosopher Eric Hoffer would point out, that self-contempt or self-hatred always precipitates the contempt we feel towards others.

"Self-contempt, however vague, sharpens our eyes for the imperfections of others" Hoffer explained. " We usually strive to reveal in others the blemishes we hide in ourselves."

Adding her own view to this topic, American writer Alice Duer Miller held a similar opinion:

"Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one's own despised and unwanted feelings" 

In this wisdom, we find a powerful and employable strategy we can use in battling the spirit of contempt. By observing and understanding the contempt we hold against others, we discover clues as to what underlying insecurities and weaknesses we are enduring in our own hearts and minds.

Using myself as an example, I can imagine that my contemptuous inaction might actually be a result of an extreme lack of confidence. When I find my work challenged, or my efforts unrecognized, my decision to withdraw and delay might be the result of some deeper beliefs that I am not capable, not relevant, or plain well not good enough. Facing these presumptions creates extreme discomfort, and so I opt for the more comfortable approach of blaming others and casting any number of presuppositions on them. True or not, these presuppositions are a projection of a deeper overlooked weakness, and they serve as the foundation for a lot of our contemptuous behavior.

Does this absolve the contemptible person of contemptuous behavior? Certainly not. We might be justified in our holding another person in contempt. Contemptible people exist regardless of our own inner struggles. Although our contempt might be justified, that does not mean that we do ourselves justice by holding the contemptible in contempt.

Irish Poet Brendan Behan hinted at this self-inflicted injustice, explaining that "whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer."

In his words I find powerful imagery. This wisdom suggests that on the other side of the walls of contempt we might find more freedom and more satisfaction in our lives. Our propensity to overcome hardship and harmonize with others depends greatly on our ability to free ourselves from that rancorous spirit of contempt. Toxic people and their reprehensible behavior have no power over us, save the power that we grant to them. Relinquishing our grip on contempt allows us to hold on to the power necessary to free ourselves and build our lives in an effective and productive manner.

Yes we must endure the contempt of others, but we do not need to remain in their presence. We must navigate the complicated emotional cocktail of distaste and pride, but we do not have to tolerate injustices without having our say or giving our input. We might have to get creative in how we say our piece, doing so with tact and prudence, but we can say and do something.

"Everything can be borne," spoke French philosopher Voltaire, "except contempt."

If correct, then Voltaire has given us a simple understanding of where we might put our collective effort towards achieving the most good. More importantly, by placing our individual energies into overcoming our self-contempt, we will likely find the strength by which we can bear all things.

By replacing that spirit of contempt with a spirit of understanding, a spirit of cooperation, and a spirit of  congeniality, we indeed can bear most, if not all, things.

Faith in Christ

What shall we do?

From a congregation of disheartened people came this question to the prophet Alma. Looking upon the forsaken assembly before him, one can imagine the full spectrum of emotions that Alma could see in their eyes. Discouragement. Embarrassment. Isolation. Frustration. We can easily feel the plight of these, whom were poor in heart, despised, and cast out. Why the shared empathy and frustration? Because many of us have felt the need to ask this question ourselves.

Perhaps on your early morning commute, in quiet or not-so-quiet anguish you have found yourself wrestling with God; begging, pleading, and even demanding relief. We yearn for any reply or inspiration that might alter the course of our personal, financial, or family misfortune. Feeling very much part of the fraternity of the disaffected, you find your own voice united with the voice of the maligned multitude of Alma's time:

What shall we do?

Regardless of circumstance or status, the answer remains the same:  we build and exercise faith in Christ.

In addressing you today, I hope to explain how our faith in Christ serves us as we show faith in God's plan, put trust in His timing, and find courage to accept His will.

God’s Plan - Your Future

I start by encouraging you to have faith in God's plan, and in your own future.

While God's ultimate success in His plan is assured, our part in that plan is not. What we do in the here-and-now dictates how aligned our own future becomes with God's plan. That alignment depends entirely on our faith in Christ and how we exercise that faith.

Knowing this, we ought to closely consider how we exercise our faith. A casual study of faith in the scriptures seems to cement this one important truth: that faith without works is dead (James 2). Faith is work. Faith is action. The topic of faith is always taught in tandem with action.

We already possess an inherent understanding that action and faith are inseparable. This is evident in the question posed in Alma 32 (and questions just like it):

What shall I do?

What is the next step?

What am I missing?

These questions prompted one of the most comprehensive sermons on faith. In that sermon, Alma demonstrates the essential bond between our faith in Christ and our actions.

Within the span of 23 verses, Alma pairs the principle of faith with action at least 100 times; that's nearly one out of every four words from Alma's entire sermon associating faith with action. A few of my favorites include endureth, remember, awake, exercise, give place, bring forth, take root, and spring up. (Alma 32)

Likewise, Alma warns about the peril of inaction. In contrast to faith and action, he pairs the tragedy of disbelief with inaction. If we neglect, take no thought, wither, cast out, and not nourish what faith we have, then we can be assured that our future will be fruitless, and our role within our Heavenly Father's plan left unfilled. (Alma 32:38-40)

We should note that hope and optimism play an important part in how we hold our faith in Christ. However, we ought to take care to avoid looking toward the future at the expense of taking important action now. In the face of intense (and inevitable) heartbreak, disappointment, and sorrow, our optimism will waver. Sometimes, the positive cannot be found in a particular circumstance or situation.

In these moments of melancholy, when any action might feel like a monumental task, our faith in the distant future may seem illogical. Instead, we might be better served placing our faith in the near future. This might look like putting forth your best efforts, and leaving the matter in God's hands, even if it means holding on until the end of the week, the end of the day, or even the end of the hour. It helps to remember that God's plan is at work, even at the present (albeit awful) moment.

In summary, Alma explains that "if [we] will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, [we] can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life." (Alma 32:40). But if we take consistent faithful action, mixing in an occasional moment of hope and optimism, then we can expect an alignment with God's plan, and a degree of joy for our future.

Faith In Yourself

Finding joy and alignment, even in the midst of suffering, also requires that we have a degree of faith in ourselves.

For many of us, understanding how we might walk the fine line between self-esteem and self-importance may prove challenging. Often, we might confuse humility with self-deprecation; or meekness with mild-mannerism. Here, we should remember the example of Christ. When tempted by the adversary, Christ was not tepid, rather he was affirmative. When interrogated by Pilate about who he was, Christ did not mince words. In declaring his divinity and in announcing his mission, Christ showed clarity and confidence. Christ had faith in himself. He expects the same from us. 

In contrast, the adversary would instead have us doubt ourselves. Not content to have us believe that we are nothing in comparison to God, Satan would have us believe that we are nothing at all. With alarming tenacity, he whispers in a voice cleverly disguised as our own:

“You can’t do…”

“You can’t achieve…”

“You can’t progress…”

As he is apt to do, Satan advertises a half-truth to sell us a lie. Indeed, we cannot do, achieve, or progress; not without Christ’s help, his mercy, nor his support. And he offers these to us freely.

When we don’t buy that lie, Satan peddles another; that our efforts are pathetic, unworthy, and unimportant. For many of us, this lie is an easier sell. When compared next to the magnitude of the atonement, we genuinely mistake our efforts as miniscule. But we must not forget that without our action or our effort, the small and simple cannot become great.

As we put our faith in Christ, we start to develop a healthy faith in ourselves. That increased faith allows us to see in ourselves what Christ has always seen, even from the time when he stood among us in our pre-earthly existence. He saw our potential then. I know that he sees it now.

The Arm of Flesh

In your pursuit of building a better faith in yourself, I would caution you as Nephi once cautioned. “…[Do] not put [your] trust in the arm of flesh; for… cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.” (2 Nephi 4:34)

We must practice discernment and show care over where we allow our faith to grow. Without proper spiritual vigilance, we may find ourselves believing that our faith in Christ is growing, when instead we are actually sowing the seeds of pride and temerity. Having faith in yourself does not amount to the belief in your superiority, your infallibility, nor your excellence.

In doing so, we soon forget “that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that [we] must build [our] foundation;” in turn making us vulnerable and exposed to the mighty winds, the shafts in the whirlwind, the hail and the mighty storms. (Helaman 5:12)

Faith in the arm of flesh boasts of our own strength. Faith in Christ glorifies the source of our strength.

Faith in the arm of flesh expects reciprocal action from others for our good deeds. Faith in Christ demands that we show charity in a spirit of meekness and prudence.

Faith in the arm of flesh depends upon the perfect scrutiny and treatment from imperfect people. Faith in Christ relies upon the flawless grace and compassion of our Savior.

Faith in the arm of flesh fills in the gaps of our understanding with unfounded fears, assumptions, and prejudices. Faith in Christ fills our mind with peace, patience, and kindness.

Faith in the arm of flesh lionizes our foolhardy stubbornness. Faith in Christ merges our righteous resolve with the Father’s will.

The Trial of Faith

In harmony with the testimony of the prophet Moroni, I too “…would speak somewhat concerning these things;… that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because you see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” (Ether 12:6)

I have found that a significant amount of literature describes faith in terms of clarity and light. However, in reflecting on those moments that tested my faith, I can recall few (if any) illuminating experiences. In my most honest assessment, I can only describe these moments as cold, dark, and miserable. There was nothing illuminating about those experiences. They were hard. They were painful.

Faith did not illuminate my steps and it did not make my path clear. At times, the only light that I could see while in the grip of adversity was the uncomfortable glow of the refiner’s fire. My faith in Christ did not light the path, but it did keep me grounded. It did not keep me warm, but faith did orient me, allowing me to traverse the darkness one aching step after another. My faith in Christ accompanied me, and still accompanies me, until such times where I once again see light and feel warmth.

If, through your trials, discouragement keeps you from seeing any light or feeling any warmth, do not take this as a sign that you have no faith, or that you possess too little faith. Rather, recognize your faith as that perpetually sustaining force prompting you to take one more step, get up one more time, and make one more effort. 

This is the answer to that burning question of the soul, "What shall we do?" Build your foundation of faith where it is most secure, namely upon Jesus Christ. When built, take action. Exercise that faith, keeping an eye on the bigger picture, but never at the expense of persistent faithful action. Then, after the trial of your faith, you might find yourself once more enlightened and encouraged.

But until such a time, I urge to you to keep the faith. Keep going.

Making Peace

In creating the Constitution of the United States of America, the founding fathers understood the benefit of building on the influences of philosophers, reformers, and political pioneers. Gleaning wisdom from modern English and ancient Roman philosophies, delegates studiously applied the wisdom of their political predecessors to form a nation unlike any seen in Earth's history.

However, the most surprising (and more significant) influence for the delegates of the Constitutional Convention could be found much closer to home. The most democratic societies of the time were those of Native American nations, in particular the Iroquois Confederacy located in and around the Great Lakes region. 

Centuries prior to the founding of the American colonies, six primary nations were united on the American continent through great effort and dedication by a now-legendary Huron man named Deganawida.

Deganawida had a vision of neighboring tribes forming an alliance of friendship that would replace the routine cycle of hostility and vengeance. In pursuit of his vision, the legendary Huron journeyed and performed impressive feats of purity, power, and persuasion. Together with other peace minded individuals like Hiawatha and Jigonhsasee, Deganawida helped establish a powerful confederacy and ushered in an era of peace between the Oneida, Cayugas, Onondagas, Senacas, Tuscaroras, and Mohawk tribes. Because of his efforts, he is remembered reverently as the Great Peacemaker.

We bestow a lot of respect and reverence upon our history's peacemakers, and rightfully so. In a world full of despotic ambition and senseless warmongering, we find special comfort in the achievements of men and women who, against overwhelming odds, overcome the intoxication of vengeance and violence to embrace something greater than their own grief or individual hardship.

The everyday peacemaker, through monumental and admirable effort, influences the hearts and minds of others in ways that far surpass the tyranny and coercion employed by wicked men and women. What makes peacemaking so special is that one does not need to come from a position of societal status or import to effectively make peace. In fact, humility and meekness are common characteristics amongst the worlds most impressive peacemakers.

This ultimately means that we too can become peacemakers, so long as we understand what it means to make peace, and then dedicate ourselves to the practice of making it within our own hearts, our own families, and our own communities.

The Peacemaker

Peace is not something you wish for. It is something you make, something you are, something you do, and something you give away. - Robert Fulghum

Learning what it means to become a peacemaker might mean that we need to abandon some deeply held beliefs over how we achieve peace. For instance, we might not associate attributes such as assertiveness or audacity with peace. Such things seemingly fly in the face of compromise and conformity; two virtues we often erroneously connect to the achievement of peace. In truth, making peace can be messy, onerous, and downright difficult.

In what might seem like a counterproductive approach, peacemakers can be disruptive and bold. They are active, engaging, and even zealous in their pursuit of peace. Though they may not seek a fight, peacemakers do not shirk from confrontation. Though they do not delight in a fight, they do find purpose and satisfaction in resolution.

Of course, peacemakers do not create actual peace, rather they create the conditions whereby peace can exist, building an environment of boundaries and respect. As suggested by President Nelson, the peacemaker's greatest skill lies in their ability to draw boundary lines without creating battle lines.

The peacemaker understands the purpose of agency, and does not employ the tools of deception and manipulation to accomplish harmony. Any "peace" that is built on a foundation of lies and corruption cannot last, assuming it even existed at all in the first place. The peacemaker takes no shortcuts. He or she make no pretense over the intentions they possess. This makes them powerful uniters, because they are full of integrity and transparency.

It would be worth noting that the world does not always look kindly on the peacemaker. Even the Great Peacemaker himself could not convince his own Huron tribe to join the Iroquois Confederacy. Likewise, we should expect a significant dose of ironic friction as we walk along the peacemaker's path. There will be haters, detractors, and even traitors.

To a peacemaker, giving weight or credence to the critic falls low on their list of priorities. Instead, they pursue truth over comfort, concerning themselves primarily over what is right, not over what will happen. As such, the peacemakers make the most effective agents and harbingers of peace in the human family.

The Peacekeeper

Peace is the only battle worth waging - Albert Camus

In stark contrast to the peacemaker, the peacekeeper employs a very different strategy:

A peacekeeper is primarily interested in maintaining the status quo. They do not like to rock the boat, stir the pot, nor rattle the cage. Peacekeeping implies that every possible effort be employed to avoid the conflict, hoping to eliminate the conflict before it can even reach a boiling point.

The peacekeeper always forgets that conflict avoided is only conflict deferred; and conflict deferred is conflict intensified. A peacekeeper doesn't actually keep the peace, rather they maintain the illusion of peace. In this we find the primary fault in the peacekeepers approach: there is no peace to keep.

Rather than fostering an environment of harmony, the peacekeeper creates an atmosphere of resentment, avoidance, and confusion. Deep down, the peacekeeper doesn't have the desire for peace, rather they desire comfort over conflict. They concern themselves chiefly over what will happen, or what people might think, as opposed to concerning themselves over what is actually right.

Peacekeepers are nervously indifferent, impossibly hesitant, and habitually avoidant. Tragically, they are doomed to fail because in their desire to keep a non-existent peace, they fail to take the necessary steps to bring about actual peace in their lives, let alone the lives of others.

Christ alluded to the eventual failure of the peacekeeper when he taught, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it."

When it comes to experiencing peace in our lives, we cannot afford to take a passive approach. Peace cannot simply be preserved. Peace must be made.

The Prince of Peace

This all brings me to some thoughts on the example of Jesus Christ, the very Prince of Peace. As I have worked towards establishing peace in my own life, I have found incredible insight into how I might best achieve that peace by studying how Christ encouraged harmony and delivered peace. I would encourage you to do the same, because I think that what you will find will further challenge your fundamental understanding on what is peaceful living.

The first thing we must note, is that Christ's definition of peace does not fit comfortably with our own understanding of peace.

"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth," He said, "I came not to send peace, but a sword." (Matthew 10:34)

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to understand this. Christ teaches us that our understanding of peace, or the peace as the world giveth, is not the peace that He will provide. This is evident in His diverse treatment of the people He interacted with. Remember, the same Prince of Peace who healed the sick and gave sight to the blind was the same Prince of Peace who "made a scourge of small cords, [and] drove [money changers] all out of the temple..." (John 2:15)

Yes, Christ exemplified kindness, charity, and love. However, Christ also exemplified assertiveness, authority, and righteousness. Christ rebuked. Christ chastened. Christ disrupted. Christ did not seek contention, but He did not shy away from confrontation. Christ was a peacemaker, not a peacekeeper.

So what do we make of this knowledge? How do we reconcile our hallowed image of the Prince of Peace in light of His disruptive and assertive behavior?

If "...[His] thoughts are not [our] thoughts, neither are [our] ways [His] ways...", then we need to start by better understanding His ways, and cease confusing them with our ways:

- Rebuking (His way) is not akin to berating (our way).

- Confrontation (His way) is not akin to contention (our way).

- Disruption (His way) is not akin to turmoil (our way).

- Zeal (His way) is not akin to fanaticism (our way).

- Chastening (His way) is not akin to scolding (our way).

Christ was a peacemaker, and He explicitly invites us to follow His example. That might mean a lot of discomfort. Many of us have walked the fruitless path of the peacekeeper, sticking with comfort and familiarity. Many of us think that berating is rebuking, contention is confrontation, turmoil is disruption, fanaticism is zeal, and scolding is chastening.

It is here we need reminding that "...[His] thoughts are not [our] thoughts, neither are [our] ways [His] ways..."

As we abandon our ways and adopt His ways, we will soon find ourselves endowed with the same power wielded by Christ, who when facing the raging tempest, commanded the winds to cease and the waves to subside. With this power, we too can stare down the danger and chaos around us, and we can say "Peace! Be Still."

1) Making Peace In your heart

Peace comes from within. Do no seek it without. - Buddha

Peace, like any great achievement starts with small and deliberate steps. It starts in the hearts and minds of individuals, after which it will grow outwards from the individual soul and into other domains, both immediate and distant. There are no shortcuts. There are no substitutes.

The entirety of our struggle with peaceful living starts from within. Our fears and our anxieties rob us of the peace we so desire. This is why in the midst of the storm, Christ could be found sleeping in the boat while experienced mariners panicked over that wind and the waves which threatened their lives.

"Why are ye so fearful?" asked Christ admonishingly. It was a question and command Christ would utter multiple times throughout His earthly ministry:

"Fear not."

"Be not afraid"

Roman Emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius understood intuitively this lesson taught by Christ:

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain itself is not due to the thing itself, but to you estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment"

Keeping an untroubled spirit might seem like a simple enough philosophy, and it might even make a lot of sense logically. Afterall, if every individual were able to experience a profound sense of internal calm and composure, then the world might actually experience a dramatic cessation of hostility without a plethora of despots, dictators, and deceivers. But this line of thinking gets away from the actual importance (and efficacy) of our individual effort to establish powerful personal peace.

Starting where we are now and with what we can do in this moment will accomplish far more than anchoring our hope to a misguided desire that others might experience a sudden pang of guilt or epiphany.

We like to anchor our hope on such things due to the difficulty of looking inwards and calming the tempests raging in our own hearts. Self-reflection and self-improvement are onerous endeavors. To understand that our peace begins and ends in our own mind and heart is to also accept that the burden of our angst, our frustration, and our dissatisfaction falls squarely on our shoulders.

It is there, within the personal domain, where the heaviest lifting must be done. And achieving that internal clarity and resoluteness might look different for everyone. But in general pursuing higher degrees of wholeness requires honest (but not necessarily perfect) attention to physical, mental, intellectual, and spiritual health. On top of that, you must combine those pursuits with a forgiveness of your shortcomings, and with a sincere appreciation for your efforts.

Making peace in your heart requires these things and more. Through your faith and hope, you can endeavor to establish and increase a sense of internal peace that will flow beyond your personal domain, until it affects the immediate world around you.

"Nowhere you can go is more peaceful, more free of interruptions, than your own soul. Retreat to consult your own soul and then return to face what awaits you." - Marcus Aurelius

2) Making Peace In Your Family

When you find peace within yourself, you become the person who can live at peace with others. - Peace Pilgrim

For those who wish to see how their internal peace or chaos might be impacting their world, look no further than your own relations with your family. Our ability or inability to pursue and produce inner peace is most visibly measured by our interactions with our parents, our children, our siblings, and our spouse.

In most cases, our personal peace is tested more profoundly in the relationships with whom we share the most love, care, and appreciation. A man might bear any burden, face any invader, and sustain any physical damage without any loss of inner peace. However, agonizing over the betrayal, deceit, desertion, or injustice from close relations tends to test our limits far more than the threat of physical harm. Making peace in these circumstances proves excruciating at best.

Agency and self-determination will always preclude us from forcing peace in the familial domain. Here we must remember that the goal is to make peace, not force peace.

Making peace in your family looks like:

- Offering counsel or perspective, while remaining open to the counsel and perspective of others.

-  Allowing someone space to grow and potentially make mistakes, but offering forgiveness and admiration for someone who makes genuine changes.

- Seeking first to understand, and second to be understood.

It does not look like:

- Ignoring abusive behavior or subjecting yourself to it.

- Abiding lies, deceit, and manipulation in order to keep the relationship intact.

- Sacrificing dignity, growth, and sanity for the sake of comfort and familiarity. 

In summary, making peace in your family might mean turning the other cheek, but it does not mean giving them a cheek to strike over, and over, and over again. It is worth remembering that neutrality, conformity, apathy, and passivity, in any combination, do not amount to peace, harmony, and calmness.

"A bad peace," said the Roman Historian and politician Tacitus, "is even worse than war."

Some will argue that you always fight for family. In a sense, this is a true and noble sentiment. We can always plead, hope, and desire the best for the people closest to us. But when family embraces a life of malice and destruction, both towards themselves and towards others, fighting for your family must take on new meaning. Sometimes the act of severing those ties proves more courageous than the act of enduring them.

Thankfully, making peace within your family often doesn't require such an extreme decision. Instead, the family can be a safe place wherein you might exercise a positive and lasting influence, building your own peace and consciously adding to the peace of others. Whenever possible, take advantage of these opportunities as they will create a solid framework whereby you can make peace in other areas of your life.

3) Making Peace in Your Community

The more we sweat in peace the less we bleed in war - Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit

I have already mentioned the futility of wishing and hoping for a sudden miraculous program or policy that might reverse the tide of chaos we see the world over. We know peace starts with us. So, I will not preach nor pontificate over the complexities of civil unrest and world crises. However, I would like to admonish against the practice of keeping solely to ourselves and our own. Peacemakers are not content to stop at the border between their world and the greater world around them. In many ways, they can make a world of difference.

If you need convincing of this fact, I would refer you to scripture. In studying this topic, I noticed a very interesting scriptural pattern. Whenever peace is mentioned in the Book of Mormon, it is often accompanied by some conjugated form of the verb establish. 

Mosiah 29:14

 "And even I myself have labored with all the power and faculties which I have possessed ... to establish peace...

3 Nephi 6:3

"... and thus they did establish peace in all the land."

Alma 3:24

"And then they returned again and began to establish peace in the land..."

Helaman 2:1

"...had established again peace..."

These aren't simply a few selections of verse. This pattern repeats itself over and over and over again. Active peace making can, and often does, make a far reaching difference, sometimes even the world over.

For more examples like this, I encourage you to look at the stories of notable historical figures like Nelson Mandela, Dirk Willems, William Penn, Andrew Carnegie, and Theodore Roosevelt. Doing so, you will note how with skill and diplomacy, these monumental figures encouraged peace by masterfully balancing action with deference, boldness with meekness, and mercy with justice. Practicing these same virtues in your life will also encourage peace, whether it is in your heart, your family, or your community.

Armed with a better understanding of what it means to be a peacemaker, we should endeavor to make peace within our own lives and the lives of others. The peacemaker is not content with simply preserving peace, rather he wages peace with the same devotion as those intent on waging war.