Peace Through Conflict

The Great Lie

September 30, 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain touched down at Heston Aerodrome to thunderous applause and excitement. Chamberlain had returned from a critical diplomatic experience in Munich; one where he had hoped he could secure for his people the promise of peace and harmony.

Tension between Germany and Czechoslovakia had reached a boiling point. Nazi aggression created discontent over the Sudetenland, a primarily German occupied region of the Czechoslovakian territory. At first, Hitler demanded that the Sudetenland be given autonomy from the Czech governance. During Chamberlain's first visit, he agreed to Hitler's terms. Hitler's response startled Chamblerain; the acquisition of the Sudetenland was no longer enough, rather the entire dissolution of the Czechoslovakian territory was Hitler's desire. Hitler had moved the goal post.

Back and forth, heads of major European nations negotiated until an agreement had finally been struck; Germany would receive the Sudetenland, and Europe would be spared the atrocities of war and conflict that Hitler had promised if he didn't get his way.

"My good friends," Chamberlain announced to the crowd at Heston Aerodome, "for the second time in our history, a British Prime Minister has returned from Germany bringing peace with honour. I believe it is peace for our time."

Convinced that his ambitions would go unchecked, Hitler expressed to his inner circle: "Our enemies have leaders who are below the average. No personalities, No masters, no men of action... our enemies are small fry. I saw them in Munich."

Less than 12 months later, Germany invaded Poland and ignited the most deadly and destructive conflict in Earth's history.

Looking back on the experiences of Neville Chamberlain, I am certain he would have been beside himself with confusion, embarrassment, and dupery. I can imagine Chamberlain's internal dialogue, "But how? I did everything right! I went to him. I gave him the benefit of a doubt. I empathized. I listened. I reasoned with him. How could I have been so foolish?"

History does not smile upon Neville Chamberlain. His diplomatic efforts have forever branded him an appeaser; gutless and spineless. But we forget, he was not the only man involved in the diplomatic missions to Nazi Germany. It might surprise you to know President Franklin D. Roosevelt, a man that history remembers quite differently, actually applauded Chamberlain's efforts through telegram. "Good man", FDR had messaged to Chamberlain. In reference to the Munich agreement, FDR would say "I am not the least bit upset over the final result."

These were good, educated, well-meaning men. They were sharpened leaders, experienced in worldly affairs and hardened by the experiences of war, negotiation, and international treatises. The avoidance of conflict was their desire, and a righteous desire to be sure. Are we so sure we would we have done anything so very different if placed in their shoes? The answer to that question should make us uncomfortable.

This is something I have given a lot of thought to lately. Harmony, order, and peace are virtues upon which I place high values. I like to create and live in environments where order and unanimity are the norm, not the exception. To me, entropy is an enemy. To see good things collapse, degenerate, or decay is something I do not easily abide. So to that end I worked; I worked to establish environments that best reflected those values, and I worked to avoid disrupting those environments. I worked to avoid conflict.

Conflict is uncomfortable, and I believed that discomfort could not coexist with harmony, order, and peace. As such, conflict was something to be avoided. I figured, much like Mr. Chamberlain must have figured, "If I could:

- Put forth more personal effort,

- Meet someone on their side of the middle-ground,

- Keep silent my frustration and displeasure,

- Defer my needs and wants,

- Establish more trust and good-will,

- Go the extra mile enough times,

- Ignore misconduct or misbehavior long enough,

... Then the conflict would cease. Cooler heads would prevail. They would certainly remember eventually all the good I had done for them. Reason would win. Patience would payoff. Effort would not go wasted."

So I settled into a rhythm of people pleasing; deferring conflict with the belief that conflict would subside, that genuine people would recognize genuine effort and genuine sacrifice, and then reciprocate it. Of course, genuine people do reciprocate... but not all people are genuine.

There comes a time when one must realize, and I mean truly realize, some people cannot be bargained with. Some people cannot use intellectual reason. Some people cannot, and will not, understand the concepts of fair, mutual, and reciprocal. For some folks, this is an impossibility.

At one time I believed that reason and goodwill existed in all persons, and that locating it or uncovering it was a matter of hard work and over-exertion on my part to establish trust, and a willingness to work with people in good-faith. If they didn't respond in kind, I put that on myself that I needed to try harder, to be better, to show more understanding/concern/good-will.

Now, before you think I am engaged in a writing exercise of self gratification and promotion, you should know that I write this more from a perspective of disdain and disgust. People-pleasing made a liar out of me. I lied to myself and to others:

"That's ok."

"No harm done"

"Happy to help"

"It's not a big deal"

"Things will be better"

"They don't mean that"

"This will blow over"

These were lies I told myself and others in the hopes that conflict would be avoided and that the harmony and peace I placed such a high value on would not be disturbed or up-ended. These lies stem from a single great lie: that conflict is bad and must be avoided at all costs.

This lie made me blind to an essential truth: Conflict avoided is only conflict deferred, and in most cases it becomes conflict intensified.

Conflict vs. Contention

This is a tricky subject for me to grasp, and it is one I am still wrestling with on a daily basis. On the one hand, I understand now more than ever that boundaries must be set, rights must be respected, and you have got to stand up for yourself.  But as I reflect on this, I ask myself where is the line? What is the distinction between backbone and belligerence? Being just and being a jerk? My understanding of this topic is still in it's infancy, but I think the best way of explaining my understanding of where the line exists is to make a distinction between conflict and contention.

Whereas conflict is a natural occurrence that we must all endure and accept as a essential part of our mortal experience, contention is a debauched alternative that is not only corrosive, but contradictory to the aim of our earthly experience.

Conflict pursues resolution. Contention builds resentment.

Conflict says "let me show you." Contention says "I'll show you."

Conflict asks "What is right?" Contention asks "Who is right?"

Conflict states "That won't work for me." Contention declares "I won't work with you."

Conflict creates opportunities. Contention closes doors.

Conflict favors fact finding. Contention favors falsehoods. 

Conflict requires cooperation. Contention requires quarrelling.

Conflict is disagreement. Contention is disagreeableness.

Conflict can produce a clear direction. Contention deals only in misdirection.

Contention is evasive.

Contention is deceptive.

Contention is escalatory.

Contention is vengeful...

I think you get the picture.

Still, there will be those who view a stoic approach to conflict as contentious. Remember, so few people out there truly understand the distinction between conflict and contention, and even fewer folks truly understand your situation. If you hold to a boundary, you will face accusations of digging in your heels, or being inflexible or unreasonable. Remember that your aim is to resolve conflict, not to make friends or to please everybody. There is a big difference between being liked and being respected. No matter your efforts, not everyone will like you. But you can be in a position where most people respect you.

Winston Churchill, Chamberlain's lauded successor, helped drive this point home when he said, "You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life."

A Warning

Before we continue, there is something you must understand, lest you believe I am giving you a fool-proof philosophy on winning the day in every single conflict you encounter. At some point in your life, conflict will arise wherein you are entangled with disingenuous people. You may think, as I did, that facts will win the day; that truth and resolution of conflict will matter most when it comes down to it. Lying, cheating, stealing, and manipulating do not win the day. We are taught integrity wins the day... but not always.

Liars win. Cheats get the upper hand. Thieves get away with their crime. Manipulators can, and oft times do, turn the world upside down, leaving you disoriented and asking yourself difficult questions; questions you never thought you'd have to ask. The common literary conclusion of every superhero story where the good guy rides off into the sunset, smile on his face, and victory in his wake... this is not always the reality. Even when the stakes are high, and you believe there is no possible way that society, your community, or even God almighty would allow for injustice to be carried out, it sometimes is carried out in ways you didn't believe possible.

I am tempted to pray that you never experience that level of heartache, nor endure the deep loss of those things that matter most to you in this world. That is something I have no control over. However, I can offer you a remembrance that the goal is not to win; at least not in the sense that we have come to most widely understand winning. The goal is to resolve conflict through integrity, courage, and without thought as to how others might perceive you.

Embracing Conflict

That being said, let me share with you some thoughts on how one might best approach conflict. While my understanding and skills with conflict resolution are admittedly minimal, I do feel there are some good ways to start looking at how we can better embrace and grow our conflict skillset.

My first thoughts bring me back to one of my all-time favorite cinematic scenes from the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Towards the conclusion of the Battle of Helm's Deep, the ferocious and vengeful army of Isengard has driven the people of Rohan to shelter behind the walls of the last defensive keep. The situation seems lost. All hope of help has been extinguished. The enemy is bearing down on the gates, and any chance of victory has faded. The kingdom of Rohan is on it's deathbed.

Overwhelmed by the situation, King Theoden looks mournfully at Aragorn and laments, "So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?"

Aragorn himself knew the gravity of the situation. He was on the same battlefield, lost the same men, and endured the same grueling fight. Aragorn, being the rightful heir to the kingdom of men, understood better than anyone the loss that they were sustaining. In response, Aragorn encouraged King Theoden, "Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them."

When faced with conflict, how do you react? Do you pass on that dreaded phone call? Do you leave unanswered that nasty email? Do you freeze in the face of verbal accostment? You might be tempted (understandably so) to walk away, leave well enough alone, avoid poking the bear, or resist escalating things. What I suggest is something quite contrary. When it comes to conflict, a better approach might be to actually embrace it; to ride out and meet it.

Of course, exercising caution and prudence still should be part of any approach to conflict. It is not a time to put aside reason, to throw caution to the wind, or to rely solely on emotion. Any decisions or actions based on these responses are sure to make a bad situation worse. Do not delay the inevitable conflict, or put off a meaningful resolution, only because you wish to salvage whatever small bit of comfort and order you wish to preserve. This is complacency at it's best, cowardice at it's worse.

For a greater understanding of this topic, I would highly recommend a listen to a TedX talk shared by Kwame Christian. He explains the utility and importance of conflict in the most simplest and basic terms than I have found currently. He explains:

"Conflict is an opportunity to either repair or strengthen valuable relationships, or identify and remove malignant relationships with minimal damage."

If you can approach conflict with this mindset, then you can best utilize conflict to get what matters most to you. You can inhibit or cut-off the toxic relationships that lead to destruction and disappointment, and you can enhance or create the lasting relationships that will build you as much as you build them.

This will be difficult, to be sure. You will be tricked into worry over how others might perceive you, how you might lose support, or how you might be ostracized. Do not fear what others may think. In many cases, sides have already been chosen and people will have drank their preferred flavor of Kool-Aid. Winning hearts should not be your ambition. Fighting for what is right should be the ultimate aim. Commit to your heart and memory the words of a popular hymn, "Do what is right... let the consequence follow."

"But," you may protest, "I am right!! I have been wronged! I can prove it too. If only someone would listen. If only someone would consider a different opinion. I have proof; irrefutable, indisputable, and absolute. Does this not count for anything?"

It does not. It does not count two-bits, at least in the sense that you want it to count. You might have a sizable bundle of exculpatory and explanatory arrows in your quiver. You might have the high-ground, both morally and veritably. You might be so far beyond reproach that you feel untouchable to harmful barb or projectile. But here we come to find a bitter truth: it doesn't matter two-bits.

This is a heavy realization, to be sure. Before you mistake me for a man defeated, despondent, or diminished, please understand my intent. I aim to build up, not break down; to edify, not exterminate. Power, not pity, is to be found in this truth.

Consider with me the case of Flavius Belisarius, counted by historians among a venerated group identified as the Last of the Romans. Under Byzantine Emperor Justinian I, Belisarius oversaw the preservation and expansion of the then broken Roman Empire, nearly restoring it to it's former glory. Belisarius conquered the Vandals of North Africa, recaptured and protected Rome from the Ostrogoths, defended the empire's Eastern borders from the Persians, and repelled the advance of the Hunnish horde. At one point, Belisarius was even offered the position of Emperor of the West, an offer he refused out of loyalty to Justinian I. He was the personification of honor and loyalty. Certainly a man beyond reproach.

What did Belisarius' impeccable character gain him? His competence was often questioned by underlings. He was recalled from campaigns by a jealous Emperor who feared his popularity. The incredible gains and victories he had accomplished for his country were squandered by lesser men. He faced mutiny and quelled riots. He became victim of false accusations, being implicated, convicted, and later imprisoned, for whole-cloth conspiracies against the Emperor. He was contemptuously smeared, libeled, and slandered. He endured humiliations at the hands of his adulterous wife. Legend has it, Justinian ordered his eyes put out in his later years, allegedly forcing him to live a beggars life. Hardly the reception or reward befitting of a man who had served with such honor and distinction.

Belisarius was not a stranger to conflict. In fact, it seemed to him a constant companion; a life long partner. His response to conflict, whether in victory or defeat, was consistent: "Do what is right... let the consequence follow."

Time after time, despite the harm and injustice done to Belisarius, he chose to do the right thing. He denied the offer to take up the seat as Emperor of the West. He answered the call of his country, coming out of retirement to repel an invasion of the Bulgars. He patiently awaited a pardon by the Emperor. Historical accounts show almost nothing that would expose Belisarius as resentful or vindictive in the wake of the the maltreatment that he endured. I don't believe for one moment that this means Belisarius was a harmless puppy or that he endured these injustices lying down. But I do think that this shows an appropriate way to handle conflict; with integrity and long-suffering.

This is the example. This is the right way to embrace conflict. You must act in such a way so as to make clear to yourself, and to others, that you will not give in. You will not retreat. You will not roll over. Rather, you get back up on your feet. You square up. You take the next punch. And then you repeat... over... and over... and over again.

Peace is not the absence of conflict. Peace is freedom from conflict. In this, there is a subtle difference.

Conflict is an unavoidable mortal experience. I do not suggest that peace, therefore, cannot be achieved or accomplished in mortality. This is a false assumption. If peace is the freedom from conflict, that is to say that conflict does not govern us. We are not shackled, bound, or perturbed by it. These are the effects of contention. On the other hand, conflict propels us, motivates us, and improves us, but only if embraced appropriately, and navigated skillfully. This is what is mean when I say peace through conflict.

Gratitude

American author, and self-help professional Melody Beattie had this to say about gratitude:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Roman statesman Cicero explained that "gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." As we enter this season of thanksgiving, we should consider our understanding of this virtue and the role it plays in our lives.

We are re-entering a season of gratitude, and our thoughts and hearts should be turning towards more positive and thankful things. 2020 has not been a particularly kind year to many folks. The world still finds itself in the midst of a confusing pandemic, there is political change on the horizon, and a great many folk have endured hardships and maltreatment to degrees they never thought were possible. Still, for others, these struggles pale in comparison to their experience. To make matters worse, the tribulation and suffering endured too often comes at the hands of people whose intent is not to heal hearts, solve problems, or edify their world around them. There is much over which we can be disheartened.

But we ought to take courage instead. Courage for ourselves, courage for our friends, courage for our family, and courage for our future. We know what we have endured, but we don't know what's in store. That may prove scary for some, but the future is unknown. It is unwritten. If you can trust in and take heart over one thing, it should be this: you are the author of that future.

Our hope for the future links directly to a desire for change; we don't like where we are at, and it is high time that we find ourselves in better circumstances. For over a year now, that has been my attitude. So we grind, and we gruel, and we force upon ourselves discipline in the hope that something has to give, and give quickly. Then, we are disappointed when our goals aren't achieved, or the righteous desires of our heart are unfulfilled. This is often a breaking point for many individuals; they're at the end of their rope, unheard, maligned, and unsettled. However, for others, something miraculous occurs where a breaking-point becomes a making-point. 

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates

I found this quote a couple weeks back, and it has stuck with me for some time. As a builder, I know that the best earth upon which to build a foundation is hard, rocky, and yes... a little dirty. When we reach our lowest point, we should ask ourselves: "is there really a better place to build than rock-bottom?"

If you are at rock-bottom, congratulations! No seriously! I say this with no degree of facetiousness. You're here. Lets get building the new. Don't waste your time looking down in the dirt. Look up. Look around. Look at what you intend to build. Above all, look at what you got, and what you have to look forward to.

I don't know how coincidental the timing of the Thanksgiving season is, but I must say it is fortuitous. If hitting rock bottom is the discovery of the perfect real estate for your new life project, then gratitude is the first great step towards planning your build and establishing your scope of work.

Gratitude can mean so many things for so many people. Everyone's experiences with it will vary. Not everyone has the same vision; the same goals, ambitions, or values. This much I believe: that many people don't truly grasp it's impact on their lives, and none of us exercise it to it's full extent.

In light of my personal experiences, and acknowledging my limited knowledge of the subject, here is what I understand of gratitude:

Gratitude is an acceptance of what was.

We experience gratitude frequently through our review of things past. Gratitude is the expression of relief in the aftermath of difficulty. It is the remembrance of the progress that we have made. It is the recognition of virtue we have gained; or shackles we have dropped. Gratitude shapes the syllabus from which we ultimately learn from our past.

For some, acceptance of what was can be difficult. We may struggle making sense of our lives once lived and our experiences once endured. We tend to relive injustice, injury, and inconvenience. Reflecting on such things is normal, even necessary for a better understanding of ourselves and our environment. However, we must take care not to spur on feelings of contempt and frustration. Rather, we should recall our past with thankfulness for experiences both good and bad.

Without a thankful perspective of the past, we have no hope of adjusting to the challenges of the future, nor appreciating the circumstances of the present.

Gratitude is an appreciation of what is; a positive acknowledgement of where we are.

But what if where we are is no positive place at all? What of those instances where we unduly endure the influence of deprivation, scarcity, and maltreatment? Some in our midst find themselves grappling with some of the more difficult circumstances of the mortal experience. How should we think during hardships where looking beyond one week, one day, or even one hour, proves difficult, if not impossible? How could gratitude possibly pull us from the mire of misery?

With great reverence and empathy towards those experiencing devastation and destitution, may I be so bold as to recommend that we chose gratitude over griping? Grace over grievance?

"Easier said than done!" we might say. When facing even minor challenges, my own attitude defaults to defensiveness. To express gratitude through tribulation is a tough pill to swallow. But swallow it we must, if we are to qualify ourselves for the blessings that we so desperately need.

Of course, we ought not to discount or discredit our pain or angst. They are real. They are debilitating. In many circumstances they cripple and scar us mentally, emotionally, and even physically. They are serious. But equally serious are the promises that Heavenly Father has made:

"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life..." (James 1:12)

"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)

"Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth." (Matthew 5:5)

"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:10)

"...[D]ispute not, because you see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6)

Doctrine & Covenants 103:12 further explains "For after much tribulation... cometh the blessing."

With intense sincerity and bluntness, Heavenly Father braces us for the expectation of much tribulation. However, he does so with a promise: relief will come.

Scarcity itself can lead to an increased sense of gratitude. Allow me to demonstrate:

Right now, even as I am writing this, Oliver has joined me in the office. He wakes up earlier than Henry and Charlotte, and we often spend some undisturbed time together while the house is quiet. This year has been a rough one for our family. Divisiveness and contention have created an unfortunate norm which ultimately forced upon us a scarcity of time spent together. While I indeed struggle with emotional upheaval in the form of resentment and disgust, I feel astonished at the peace that accompanies an attitude of gratitude. When I look upon Oliver sitting in the soft leather chair, curled up with his blanket, asleep with  at 7:04 AM on a Sunday morning, I am overcome with peace and appreciation. The appreciation comes not from an abundance of that which I value so dearly, rather from a scarcity of it. There is truth in the proverb stating "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

So we ask the question again: How does gratitude pull us from the mire of misery? Gratitude reminds us that our struggles are but a moment; a temporary setback. If we allow gratitude to sharpen our perspective of the past, and ground us in the reality of the present, then gratitude will build the foundation upon which a bright future can be built.

Gratitude is an aspiration of what could be.

For those who can accept the past and appreciate the present, gratitude will work in their lives mighty miracles in the future. This principle proves true and consistent through scriptural history and through the lives of good people who have chosen to cultivate the gift of gratitude. Thankful hearts beget blessings, and blessings engender gratitude. Thus, the cycle of appreciation and aggregation secures for us a happy future.

In similar fashion, persistent suffering follows the ingrate. Unthankful hearts perceive only calamity, which deepens helplessness and resentment. On this topic, Scottish philosopher David Hume wrote, "Of all crimes that human creatures are capable of committing, the most horrid and unnatural is ingratitude."

Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to chose gratitude if we are to expect any improvement in our future.

This season, I am choosing to build the new; to rediscover gratitude and make the first big steps towards building a better life. I recognize that the lumps and bruises that we endure are everlasting, either for good or ill. We can turn them to our everlasting good by learning, building, and overcoming; or we can turn them to our everlasting ill by succumbing, belittling, and complaining.

Like I said, the timing of the season proved to be fortuitous. For that, I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happiness By Subtraction

Few subjects revive memories of torment and loathing like mathematics. When asked by pollsters which academic arena students dislike the most, math maintains the most sizable margin of antipathy above all other school subjects. How ironic that math would cause so much angst and frustration for so man, when in reality, our understanding and application of basic mathematical principles is foundational to overall happiness and quality of life.

Let me show you how.

Consider what we know, or what we believe we know about happiness. When thinking of those happiest among us, what do you see? What do they wear? What do they drive? Where do they live? If you are like most people, you likely have a pretty vivid picture of what a happy life looks like. And if you are like most people, you probably have some ideas about what it is that separates you from them. We love to compare; to take stock of what we lack that keeps us basking in the shadow of the podium of pomp and perk. Our comparisons tell us that the happiness formula depends on the things that we do not have. Often they are the things that others do have. We are baited into the belief that happiness is a matter of addition: the more you have, the happier you become.

Many companies understand this basic principle, and they capitalize on it. Next time you scroll through your Instagram feed, take note of the messages and images that show up. They are subtle, but they are purposeful. For fun, I'll share with you what I am seeing right this minute. I see a luxurious home with fine brass, warm lavish wood cabinets, and intricate lighting. Scroll down a little farther, I see couples together laughing over wine and games. A little farther; a couple sleeping comfortably and peacefully on a new mattress.

Now, lest you consider me a hypocrite or puritan, I would point out that I have no beef with effective advertising of the purchase of products. I too am swayed by a compelling ad (the more comedic the more appealing), and I certainly have enjoyed the benefits of good products and services. The greater point I hope to make is this: We are driven to believe that happiness is a product of addition.

Most of us have the tendency to think that "Once I have that (new car/new house/promotion/pay-raise/new curtains/new toy/etc.), that is when I will be happy. That is when I know I have it made." This thinking is flawed and deceitful. When our mindset focuses only the material; on only what we must add to our life, then we end up following a formula for failure.

Writer and philosopher G.K. Chesterton echoed this fundamental truth. "There are two ways to get enough," he taught, "One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less."

Of course, addition helps to improve our quality of life. We should add to our lives those things that would bring temporal, spiritual, and emotional well-being. However, happiness is not solely a matter of purposeful addition. In fact, I argue that a far more effective equation for improving ones capacity for joy can be found not in addition, but subtraction.

Yes, you read that correctly; happiness by subtraction. This is the great formulaic secret (though not so secret if one takes the time to really observe) that the happiest people on earth seem to have mastered. It runs counter to our natural thoughts and beliefs to measure happiness by what one lacks, and not by what one has. Thinking in this way requires a total change in perspective. One has to change their mind from the belief that happiness belongs to the one who has, not the one who lacks.

You might be hung up on my choice of words here. When we think of someone who is lacking, we generally think of those in ragged clothes, gaunt faces, and blistered feet. Lacking, we think, brings about misery and hopelessness. Who could be happy in such circumstances? How can lacking produce happiness. It might help think of it from this angle: as it pertains to happiness, it matters less that your life is lacking (in the general impoverished sense that our minds default to); it matters more what is lacking from your life.

I have encountered many folks who have lived in economical conditions far below what you and I would consider poverty. Most of those folks left an indelible impression on me because of the happiness they possessed, in spite of their circumstances. They work, they endure, they ache, and they still smile. Why? Because they lack many things that make us unhappy; things like pride, anger, greed, and entitlement. They possess an ability to subtract those things that foster unhappiness and instead create an atmosphere whereby happiness can be developed and unperturbed.

You should know that these happy folks, though lacking many negative things, do not lack problems. No matter our effort, no subtraction will result in the total elimination of life's problems. Death, illness, and loss touch us all to some degree. Mortal strife cannot be avoided. However, if we strive to subtract that which we can, then we might find that many of our self-made problems will have solved themselves long before they make an uninvited appearance.

No one can argue that calamity, deprivation, or starvation are the key ingredients to happiness. These are serious struggles we wish upon no one. You cannot subtract all needs and wants from life and expect to attain happiness. However, through moderation and the subtraction of those things that are unnecessary, unfulfilling, and unacceptable, you will stumble upon the path of happiness far sooner than if you were to focus solely on acquisition or promotion. This path does not shut itself to the impoverished, the disenfranchised, or the lowly in state. 

Researchers and psychologists can identify many common behaviors and practices shared by all the happiest people. While exploring this topic, I found no shortage of articles and "top-ten" lists laying bare the contributing factors for that happiest folks in the world. From reading and listening to a great deal of opinion and research on the matter, I feel the key ingredients to happiness boil down into three primary sources: 1) Growth 2) Perspective, and 3) Relationships. I believe that the art of subtraction plays a key role in how each impacts and bolsters our happiness.

1) Growth

American writer Pearl S. Buck once explained that, "growth itself contains the germ of happiness." Happy people focus on growth and improvement. They understand that they certainly don't know everything, and they can accept that. That acceptance doesn't preclude them from developing new skills, learning new things, and building upon what they already know. Happy people participate in cultural activities, set specific attainable goals, they exercise, they get their hands dirty, they embrace discomfort, and they maintain a attitude of growth.

You might argue that growth would fall close in line with happiness by addition rather than subtraction, and I would certainly concede that point, to a degree. What you might be missing is how subtraction serves only to augment growth; it does not discourage it.

Happy people know, either consciously or subconsciously, that true growth comes from the wise application of subtraction long before the benefits of addition are seen. They know, much like a skilled gardener, that by pruning (subtracting) away excess and unnecessary branches, they actually encourage growth. They know that growth requires that they apply the art of subtraction to their life:

Happy people subtract comfort and complacency.

They don't sleep in, stay out, or put off. They hustle, exert, and endure where others would rather not. Happy people know that without pain there is no gain. Dr. Jordan Peterson uses a quote that I love which I feel applies well here: "You don't get the gold without the dragon."

To live complacent is to accept mediocre. Do not mistake the acceptance of mediocre as equal to gratitude or peace of mind. Some are deceived into the belief that a complacent attitude is a grateful attitude. Indeed, we should accept where we are and be grateful for what we have at any moment in time. There exists no situation or circumstance, dire though they may be, where we cannot identify something for which to be grateful. However, beware this subtle difference: complacency leaves no room for growth and achievement; gratitude, instead, stimulates them.

Discomfort and hardship are raw materials necessary to build a prosperous life. A diamond becomes a diamond through a prolonged process of intense pressure and heat. A tree grows sturdier through exposure to wind. Muscle grows through exertion. Growth cannot coexist with comfort.

Naturally, I do not advocate a fanatic devotion towards depriving ones self from comfort or reprieve. Like our body, our soul too needs time to heal and recover from the effects of emotional and spiritual toil. What I seek to explain here is that happy people subtract the "good enough" attitude, and they apply themselves to worthy pursuits.

Happy people subtract instant gratification.

Happy people develop and exercise discipline. Where others eagerly spend their savings or satisfy their cravings, a happy person practices restraint. We mustn't pretend that they don't experience the same urges or even that they don't have the same desires as others. They just understand with greater clarity the principle of delayed gratification. 

Indulgence and the "here-and-now" bargain promises satisfaction and fulfillment; but every bargain comes with fine print. Few of us read the fine print. Few of us understand the true expense of the small capitulation and the quiet acquiescence. Even for those of us who do understand, we still succumb.  

The following anecdote skillfully explains the foolishness of our proclivity towards instant gratification:

"Remember today not to sabotage your future for momentary comfort and pleasure. If you burned down your home to keep warm, tomorrow you will be without a home and you'll still be cold. Your future self is just you but living with the circumstances of your present actions. Make the right decisions so your future self is in a better position than you are now." - William Mulligan

Immediate satisfaction may win you the moment, but don't be deceived into thinking that it will win you the day. Remember that self-control is self-preservation. Subtract from your life the habit of instant gratification.

Happy people subtract interruptions and distraction.

With so much external influences vying for attention, we can experience derailment from what matters most with frightening frequency. Happy people have purpose. They know what they want, and they won't allow distractions, be they pernicious or frivolous, to derail them from their purpose.

Viktor Frankl spoke wisely of purpose and distractions when he taught that "when a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, the distract themselves with pleasure." Distraction cannot derail a person with purpose. Without purpose, distraction becomes our day to day, causing us to meander and stagnate. 

"If we let ourselves," spoke C.S. Lewis, "we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come."

Distraction is an ever present thorn in our side. Some distractions are mindless and trivial, others may be burdensome and gnawing. Nevertheless, distractions exist, and always shall. What they are and when the arrive are largely out of our control. The ancient stoics understood this, and help us understand what level of attention we should pay to them:

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not." - Epictetus

"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." - Epictetus

"Concentrate every minute on doing what's in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And freeing yourself from all other distractions... Stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that's all even the gods can ask of you" - Marcus Aurelius

Subtract distraction from your life. You will be better off without it.

2) Perspective

Happy people maintain a healthy perspective towards life. Each sharpens and enhances their perspective a little differently than the rest, but they all gravitate towards activities that encourage looking outside themselves. Happy people go outside and observe nature. They sit down to meditate and reflect. They see themselves as insignificant in the universe, though not insignificant in their sphere of influence. Happy people perceive the world differently than most.

The influence of perspective on happiness increases exponentially through our ability to subtract negative thoughts, words, and feeling from our lives. Happy people know that the sun won't shine as brightly or warmly through dark and gloomy clouds. When our thoughts and perceptions are clouded by negativity, life is not warm or bright; it is cold and unfeeling. Happy people know that their perception of reality and understanding of the world is far clearer when they have subtracted negativity from their minds.

Happy people subtract lowly thinking.

My mission president once shared poignant farming anecdote:

A man walks through a pasture, traversing it cautiously to avoid bovine debris, steps into a warm steamy cow-pie. What does he do in response to his misfortune? Does he shrug off the inconvenience, wipe off the mess, and continue? Or does he lament his fortune, ruminate over the mess, berate himself for his carelessness, curse the cow, stare at his shoe-print, leave in anger, and then return to the scene of the crime to resume the cycle of regret and frustration?

The image of a man doing this seems ridiculous, but how many of us follow the path of the ruminator, and not the level-headed man? We all, to some degree or another, should identify with the ruminator.

When we brood over misfortune or inconvenience, we engage in lowly thinking. Heavenly Father designed our minds for better things. Our intended disposition seeks after anything "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy." We are called to a higher plain of thought and vision. Sadly, too many times we prefer to keep our head down, eyes fixed to the ground, and our shoulders slouched.

Subtract lowly thinking from your life. Keep your head up. Fix your eyes on heaven, or at the very least the horizon. Lift up your shoulders to bear the burden. The air is less clear and refreshing in the lowly realm. Clear air and increased vision can found at the high ground; there you will enjoy the type of thinking you were meant to experience. 

Happy people subtract doubt and fear.

They don't dwell on failure, but they learn from it. Doubt kills more dreams and aspirations than failure ever will. For my part, much of the fear experienced in my life historically derives from things outside of my control. This has been made abundantly clear to me from study and meditation on the words of ancient stoic philosophers: 

"Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things" - Epictetus

"If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this that disturbs thee, but thy own judgment about it. And it is within thy power to wipe out this judgement now" - Marcus Aurelius

"You act like mortals in all that you fear, and you act like immortals in all that you desire" -Seneca

The stoics have been a great source of strength and encouragement for me in recent months. I have learned to appreciated their pragmatic and logical approach towards facing fear and distress. They understood that our reaction to external events cause far more internal damage than the actual event itself. This principle was even understood, and expounded upon, a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

 "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

Yep, I just drew upon the wisdom a little green man from an epic space trilogy. Truth is truth, no matter who utters it.

It is a hard thing to understand, yet harder to actually practice, to subtract fear from your life. Life presents us with many opportunities that may strike fear in our hearts and minds, so you will not altogether avoid it. However, it might do us well to remember that even Heavenly Father has commanded, "Look unto Me, in every thought; doubt not, fear not." (D&C 6:36)

This encouragement from on high repeats itself over and over in scripture:

"Fear not, I am with thee, Oh be not dismayed..." (Hymn #85)

"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee..." (Isaiah 43:1)

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them..." (Deutoronomy 31:6)

"Fear not, I will help thee." (Isaiah 41:13)

Heavenly Father understands with perfectly which stumbling blocks keep us from achieving our ultimate potential. He reminds us, constantly as you have seen, of those stumbling blocks; encouraging us to avoid them. Fear is perhaps of the most prominent. Fear is the opposite of faith. We dedicate so much attention to our fear. That is why Heavenly Father advises us to fear Him. This is not a requirement for us to be scared of Him or shaken by Him. He is asking us to keep our attention on Him. He asks that we don't allow our fear to take our eye off of the matters at hand; the matters that matter most.

Happy people subtract material desire.

Happy people want things too. Given a magic wand, they would wave it like the rest of us to get that what they most desire. In that regard, the happy person is just like the rest of us, but with one important distinction. A happy person understands that there are no magic wands. An unhappy person laments that there are no magic wands. A happy person asks "do I really want that?". An unhappy person asks "why can't I have that?"

"He has the most who is content with the least." -Diogenes

I find it interesting the disparity between our acknowledgment of this principle and our actual understanding or practice of it. If you were to approach anyone and explain to them that happiness is not the result of material possessions, you will no doubt receive a "no-duh" response. Everyone "knows" this. Yet, the same person will moments later be thrown into fits of envy, jealousy, and lust for something palpable, but out of reach.

Of course, material items can contribute to our enjoyment of life. For my part, I enjoy fishing and golfing. What is fishing without a pole or a lure? What is golf without a nice driver or functioning putter? When out at the local sporting goods store, I see the newest gear and tackle and I experience the same desires as most people. Am I guilty of material desire?

I think that depends on the intensity of the desire and our ability to appreciate those things that we already possess. Intent also matters. Do you desire something because of the genuine interest it's associated experience inspires in you, or do you pursue material things to assuage a nagging emptiness? Experience, not extravagance, should be the goal. Do your material desires accomplish this?

Be careful not to pursue things in the name of an ever-elusive hobby. Some people convince themselves that they have dozens of hobbies, therefore their purchase habits must match their multiple interests. Unfortunately, these folks don't recognize this reality: the pursuit of stuff has become their de facto hobby.

In this sense, less is more. Identify your interests, then feel free to pursue them responsibly and without guilt. We exist to experience joy, and our interests produce joy. Just be wary of useless pursuits, and subtract those unnecessary ones from your life.

1) Relationships

You have no doubt heard the phrase "the more the merrier". When it comes to relationships, you may be convinced that more relationships, not less, would serve only to increase happiness. Though that thought appears to have a logical conclusion, I think you would agree that quality, not quantity, matters more when it comes to relationships. One who pursues quantity relationships sacrifices quality relationships, and soon finds that they have neither quantity or quality. By virtue of their pursuit of quality relationships, a happy person will often find that they enjoy significant quantities of quality relationships, though that is not their aim to begin with. Happy people have meaningful and reciprocal relationships.

The influence that subtraction has upon our happiness is most notable when applied to our relationships. More so than the influence it has on our growth and our perspective. Why? Because the people we surround ourselves with have incredible influence over our growth and our perspective. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people who encourage growth, individuality, and perspective. In contrast, unhappy people often flock with nay-sayers, dooms-dayers, and tall-talers. How might those associations affect one's growth? What about one's perspective? Never should we base our happiness on the people that surround us, but if we are to be choosy or picky in one area, it should be this one.

Happy people subtract toxic relationships.

Happy people inherently surround themselves with supportive and caring people. But more importantly, happy people consciously distance themselves from toxic people.

Few things drain energy or happiness like a toxic person. These types present themselves everywhere; at work, at school, even in our circle of family and friends. Identifying them presents us with a problematic task, but distancing yourself from them requires a monumental effort. Putting distance between you and them proves even more onerous if you happen love and care for a toxic person. However, if someone does not support you or, even worse, they tear you down publicly or privately, then you must subtract that influence from your life.

Toxic people naturally lean towards unhappiness. While they may have an air of confidence, strength, and achievement, they actually struggle with profound feelings of sadness and anger. They cannot feel satisfaction. They cannot understand empathy. They cannot perceive reality. These demons belong to them. They do not belong to you.

"Stay away from negative people", warned Albert Einstein, "They have a problem for every solution."

Happy people subtract ego.

A happy person doesn't allow their ego to get the best of them and their relationships. They avoid holding grudges and taking offense. This is often a difficult task to accomplish, especially when we deal with imperfect people with imperfect behaviors. However, because a happy person is focused on growth and enlightened by perspective, they will not allow their ego or pride to dominate their relationships.

Happy folks don't believe themselves better than others and they understand that something can be learned from anyone. They do not blame others, but quietly go about their business. Happy people believe as Epictetus did, that "small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness."

If you have subtracted significantly the toxic people from your life, then you will have already made big strides in this regard. There are those those that will attack you and smear you, and plot against you. You will find this incredibly disturbing. For many people, enduring a malevolent campaign of falsehood and defamation proves far too taxing for the soul. They give up or shrink away from life; taking on a nihilistic and destructive view of life and the world around them. They allow the injury of their ego to dictate their destiny. Set ego aside; subtract it from your life. Instead, adopt the practice promoted by Marcus Aurelius, who taught that "the best revenge is the unlike him who performed the injury."

Happy people subtract self-centered thinking.

There exists a curious paradox in the lives of the happy. Happy people understand that their joy does not depend on external factors or circumstances. They do not base their worth on the opinions and perspectives of other people. Therefore, if one does not derive happiness from the external, then logic holds that happiness derives from internal factors. Happy people look within and they pay appropriate attention to those things outside. Even so, they are not self-centered thinkers. Such is the paradox: their thinking centers on the self, but they do not engage in self-centered thinking. The difference between these two may seem to you an unnecessary rearrangement of script. Of that I am not convinced. I think the difference, though subtle in terms of rhetoric, is significant in terms of meaning.

Thinking that centers on the self focuses on personal shortcomings.

Self-centered thinking focuses on other's shortcoming's. 

Thinking that centers on the self seeks to address personal deficiency.

Self-centered thinking seeks to reassign personal deficiency to others.

Thinking that centers on the self asks, "what can I do for others?"

Self-centered thinking asks "What can other's do for me?"

Thinking that centers on the self asks, "Is this just?"

Self-centered thinking believes the ends justify the means.

Can you notice the difference? Thinking that focuses on the self observes the world, then looks internally to understand the external. Self-centered thinking observes the world, then looks internally to bemoan the external.

This type of thinking explains the actions of happy people. Happy people volunteer their time for the benefit of others. Happy people will give more than they take. Happy people make time for friends, and family. Happy people love the truth, even and especially those truths that expose their weaknesses. Selfless introspection and sincere humility create in happy people an atmosphere that attracts friends and nurtures family. By subtracting self-centered living, happy people enjoy additional prosperity and pleasure.

Christ illustrated the significance of this divine behavior when he taught, "Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it." This is a true principle. Those who can look on the outside will learn more about who they are on the inside. 

So remember, math is not all that bad. In fact, groaning and lamenting over the difficulty of numeration and arithmetic may just prevent you from learning some of life's most important lessons. Besides, to lament and bemoan are not what happy people do. You are better off subtracting those from your life.

The Allegory of the Bitter Well Digger

There were once two feuding neighbors, who in the face of extreme hardship and drought, found themselves digging wells for water. Each had staked out a section on their own property, gathered buckets, rope, and tools, and broke ground with their spaded shovels. To the best knowledge that either neighbor possessed, the most likely spot that would yield the most water lay directly on the property line shared by the neighbors. The raw feelings of past feuds, together with the immediacy brought on by drought, created the circumstances wherein these two neighbors would endure an intense brawl of back-breaking digging and boring. The need for water, while of the utmost importance, seemed to be secondary to the need to out-do one another.

Happier times existed between the two neighbor's. For a time, many in the county had believed the two neighbors to be considerate, kind, and cooperative. But the trials of the drought had revealed hidden wounds and grievances that had gone unnoticed and untreated. One neighbor in particular felt greatly mistreated at the expense of the other. When news of the feud reached the community at large, the angry neighbor told tales of bad dealings, stolen property, and general misdeeds. Once, the angry neighbor exaggerated how the other had allowed his livestock to roam roughshod over his land, leaving behind a disastrous wake of cow-pies and mess. The other neighbor, acknowledging that a single dairy cow had indeed wandered unintentionally onto the angry neighbors property, took up a shovel to scoop up the mess left by the dairy cow. Not to be made the fool, the angry neighbor used the opportunity to accuse his once-good-friend of stealing manure fertilizer. For the angry neighbor, the line had been drawn, crossed, and couldn't be erased.

So, on the day that the well digging was to begin, the angry neighbor watched the other neighbor ceremoniously heave the first shovel scoop from his mark, placing the thirsty top soil off to the side. After a few more scoops, his neighbor stopped, removed his handkerchief from his overalls and wiped the sweat from his brow. Leaning on his shovel, he beheld the angry neighbor digging furiously, one scoop after another, only a few short feet away from his well. The race to the bottom had begun.

So heated was the feud, that it had devolved into literal mudslinging. Back and forth, one neighbor would take one shovel full of dirt, and toss it back at the other in a fit of anger, causing great annoyance and discomfort for the other. The feud continued for a time, and little was accomplished on account of each neighbors hole being filled with the other neighbors dirt.

One day, the angry neighbor exerted great effort into tossing his dirt to the others property. The bitter neighbor worked so furiously and so intently, he was slow to notice that other had ceased digging altogether. The realization produced a audible scoff of pride from the bitter neighbor. He had imagined that by his own great effort and ability, he had scored another victory. For a brief time, the angry neighbor felt a sense that justice was being served. The feeling was enough, that he left his hole for the day and took to the streets to boast of his victory.

But the angry neighbor's mind deprived him of rest. That night, he lay awake considering what conspiracy the other neighbor was likely involved in. Had the other neighbor really given up? Victory seemed too easy. Too convenient. The angry neighbor looked out the window to see if his treacherous friend had made any progress on his well. He hadn't. In fact, all the tools had been taken away, leaving only the open hole and a trio of dry dirt mounds surrounding it. Unconvinced, the angry neighbor imagined that they would return, likely with a machine to carry on the work. Such a move would certainly turn the tide against him. The thought angered him, and the bitter neighbor grew more bold and more intense. They thought, if they could continue fervently digging while the neighbor would not, they just might gain the upper hand and bury his neighbor, if not literally then figuratively.

Ignoring his tired body, the bitter neighbor put on his coveralls, grabbed his gloves, and raced outside to continue to the digging. Down the bitter neighbor dug, shovel after shovel, bucket after bucket; paying little heed to anything else but the burning desire to outdo and out-dig. So passionate was the bitter neighbor, that they worked day and night. No breaks. No sleep. No time for other duties. He found no water, but that did not matter. All that mattered was the shovel, the dirt, and the thirst for dominance. 

Exhausted and over-exerted, the bitter neighbor finally paused, certain that they had finally gained the upper hand. For the first time, he had noticed just how deep he had delved. Looking up, he could see light, but only a weak ray of sunlight had reached him in the depths. So furiously had he dug, he neglected to provide himself a means of escape. For the first time, he noted how cold he felt. The sweat from his intense effort weighed heavy on his shirt, and turned colder on his skin as the dwindling sunlight signaled the inevitable shift from day to night.

The angry neighbor called out for help, at first nervously, and then frantically. So deep was the hole he had dug, and so high were the surrounding berms of excavated dirt, that no one could hear his cries for help. With his cries unanswered, his thoughts grew even more angry and more desperate:

Certainly his treacherous neighbor would have heard him.

Such an awful neighbor, that he would not have the decency to help him. 

It was his neighbor's fault to begin with.

How glad he was to no longer be friends with such a evil monster.

His intense anger and frustration did nothing to remove the harrowing sense of loneliness which overwhelmed him. What the bitter neighbor had not known, was that the other had given up on the feud altogether, leaving behind his hole in favor of a better location. Had the other neighbor wished to help, it would have been impossible for them to hear the angry neighbor's cry. It is unlikely that the bitter neighbor would have accepted the help anyway.

Lonely, cold, and venomous, the bitter neighbor sits awaiting rescue, cursing the very people who would be most likely to come to their aid.

Pioneer Legacy

Friends and neighbors often asked Orin Gulbranson why he would gather his family and their possessions into horse-drawn wagons and trek towards the Salt Lake Valley. To those both curious and concerned, Orin’s response was always the same. “Our story is genuine,” he would tell them, “if people knew the truth, they would understand.”

Even if members of their community had known the truth, it was unlikely that they would have ever understood. The departure of the Gulbranson family might have made sense at a time when thousands of Mormon pioneers fled violence and persecution in search of a new promised land. But that unique chapter of American history was written in 1846. Orin Gulbranson seemed determined to reopen that chapter in the year 1962.

Against the backdrop of rising tensions with the Soviet Union, a controversial Cuban Embargo, and a nascent space program, 1962 America heard only minor details of the Mormon family from St. Cloud Minnesota trekking across the Midwest by horse and wagon. Unlike their pioneer predecessors who had fled persecution 116 years earlier, the Gulbranson’s were attempting to flee the hardships of poverty which had hit them when Orin became seriously ill with the mumps. The complications from his illness prevented Orin from providing for his family for several months.

Prior to his health issues, Orin enjoyed a successful career as an accomplished salesman of arc welders and organs. He was as headstrong as he was gregarious, and both qualities perfectly complimented his imposing and hefty figure. His wife Mabel was his exact opposite. She had a fragile appearance. She was far more docile, and far more modest. While Orin enjoyed the spotlight, Mabel felt more comfortable behind the scenes.

Orin recovered from his health issues, but not before the family had exhausted their savings and lost their house and car to the bank. All that remained were some basic household possessions, a small buggy wagon they took to church, and the horses they hitched to that wagon. The family managed to survive that winter of 1961 on a daily diet of cooked wheat and beans. The task to provide for the family fell to my father – 15 year-old Melville and his 13 year-old brother Danny. They took charge of Orin’s fledgling riding stable business and made what money they could, in spite of the bitter Minnesota cold. However, their efforts did little to meet the needs of the family of ten. Their prolonged basic diet made even more family members ill. Conditions wouldn’t improve until a neighbor overheard an innocent conversation between one of the younger Gulbranson girls and the other neighborhood girls, in which she divulged some of the family struggles. At that point, the neighbors quickly stepped in to help the family.

It was after this challenging winter that Orin began thinking in early spring about a fresh start for his family. He settled on the idea that the family would move to Utah. A few years earlier a pair of LDS missionaries had approached their family and introduced them to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Luckily, these missionaries possessed  enough persistence and charm to overcome Orin’s stubborn nature, and he began to listen to them in earnest. Orin desired to join the large community of Latter-Day Saints in the Salt Lake Valley, but the details of how they might get there had eluded him.

One evening, Orin gathered the family and proposed to sell the family’s beloved horses to raise enough money for the purchase of a car. His children passionately protested. In what seemed like a joke at the time, Orin suggested that they hitch up the horses and wagons instead. Much to Mabel’s surprise and alarm, the children took to that idea with great excitement. The children thought this would be an adventure much like the ones experienced by Ward Bond, Robert Horton, and Frank McGrath of the popular Wagon Train TV show. Mabel was less enthused, but she trusted Orin enough to support the plan.

The family worked feverishly that spring to prepare for the journey. They patched jeans, greased wheels, fixed harnesses, repaired canvases, and packed all their possessions. On the day of departure, reporters and well wishers lined the streets of St. Cloud to catch a glimpse of the Family Wagon Train rolling west.

One article from the St.Cloud Daily covered the departure of the Gulbranson’s:

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4, 1962

A St. Cloud family has selected the Fourth of July to declare its independence.

In an age when independence is linked with oddity, a sincere and devout Mormon family is traveling 13,000 miles west to Salt Lake City, Utah – by covered wagon to “start a new life.”

Mr. and Mrs. Orin Gulbranson,[of] Clearwater road, and their eight children, pulled stakes this morning and set off on a trip recalling the days of Brigham Young, a hundred years ago.  The train is made up of four covered wagons.  They expect the trek will take about 65 days.

Today, Gulbranson leaves with $6.00 in his pocket, plus, of course, the independent spirit which he figures will spur his family safely to Salt Lake…

Mrs. Gulbranson will be cooking on a kitchen stove supplied with bottle gas.  Since the Mormons believe in storing large quantities of food, the Gulbransons have a 1,000 pounds of wheat, 200 pounds of dry milk,  a wire cage housing 15 live chickens… [T]wo dogs, one cat and a guinea hen…

Two barrels of drinking water will be carried on the wagon, and will be replenished at watering holes along the way.  Oats – enough to feed each of the horses two gallons a day – are also on the supply wagon.

[T]he summer-long camping excursion that will take them to Yankton, S.D., Columbus and Kearney, Neb., Cheyenne , Laramie, Rawlins, Cold Spring and Evanston, Wyo. From Evanston, the Gulbransons face “only about 90 miles of mountains.”  Special brake equipment is stored in the wagons for use in the high route.

Does Gulbranson think his family will make it?

“I don’t know.” [he quips], “Columbus took a chance on the water.”

Adventure lay ahead for the Gulbranson family, but misadventure was never too far away.

On their very first night, it was clear that they wagons were overloaded, causing too much strain for the horses. Once again, the family had to make more hard decisions about what would go on to Salt Lake City, and what would be left behind.

A day after that, one of the horses spooked from a passing car and bolted down the road, throwing 10-year old Lily from the saddle. Her fall necessitated an emergency trip to a hospital farther up the road. The family picked her up the next day as they passed through town and they carried on.

In South Dakota, a kind man who had hosted the family for an evening lost his barn to a fire started by one of the younger girls playing with matches alone in the hay loft. When the family noticed that 6-year old Karen was missing, Melville stormed into the blazing barn where he found her bravely stamping out embers on the ground. She was entirely oblivious to the raging inferno that had lit the rest of the barn until Melville dragged her away from the burning building.

The journey was demanding and grueling, but it often seemed that the Lord would fulfill the promise He had made to others when He said; “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

Almost daily, a good Samaritan would offer food, shelter, and aid at a much needed time. When the family passed through Burwell, they were invited to become a feature of Nebraska’s Big Rodeo. There they made a little money joining the parade, judging the beauty pageant, and being chased around by real live Indians in staged reenactments, just like the brave folks of Wagon Train.

Later in their journey, a police officer even pulled over a passing moving truck to extort some moving blankets for the family on a cold Wyoming night. It seemed the farther down the trail they went, the closer to the Lord they got.

This fact became most apparent one early morning in rural Wyoming. When the family had awoke to begin their day, they had found that all of their horses had simply vanished, either stolen or on the loose. The family scoured the vast Wyoming landscape searching in all directions for the horses, calling out their names and praying for them to return. They could see for miles in any direction, but they could not see the horses. Concern became panic, and panic became despair. Losing the horses would have left them stranded and unable to buy replacements. In the distance they noticed a small dust cloud, probably the trail of a dusty farm truck they were hoping to flag down for help. Slowly the cloud grew larger and larger as the distance between them became smaller and smaller. At about a mile away, the family could make out the shapes of horses; their horses. The horses greeted the family happily, and not a single one was missing. The family considered this a miracle; an answered prayer from a loving Heavenly Father. That experience cemented their testimony and gave them added courage to press on through the difficult mountain terrain ahead of them.

The Gulbranson family overcame many hardships to make it to the Great Salt Lake. There they made a modest living in Draper, until opportunity called for them in British Columbia, Canada. That is where my story begins, though in no small part from the efforts and sacrifices of my father and his family.

We ought to remember that the pioneer spirit did not end once the west was tamed. Nor did it end as the Gulbranson family settled in Draper at the end of 1962. The pioneer spirit carries on in the hearts of good people who face trial and conflict with longsuffering, patience, and a hope for something better.  Your journey may be one that calls you to escape a broken family, a crippling addiction, or any other hopeless situation. The trail may be different for all of us, but the stakes remain the same. Big or small, the trail you blaze for your posterity is the legacy that they will look to. Keep that in mind when you feel like giving up, giving in, or giving out.

When Washington Was Third Party

June 15, 1775

Fresh off the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the rebellious American Colonies had entered into a conflict which most colonial citizens considered hopeless and pointless. Most colonial citizens were content to live under British rule. At the time, American’s were considered among the most wealthy and prosperous peoples in the world. The desire for independence and freedom was shared only by a small group of men and women who understood the evil of tyranny and blessings of liberty. In response to the impending conflict with the world’s mightiest empire, the Continental Congress created the Continental Army just one day before. With war just on the horizon, Congress had to answer one important question: Who would lead the Continental Army?

When analyzed from the perspective of disparity and bleakness that shadowed the Colonial cause, you would understand just how important this choice would be. After all, military failure wouldn’t just mean the end of an idealist social experiment. Failure meant a ruthless and unbridled retaliation from a powerful and unforgiving tyrant. If the colonial rebels were to lose the war, they would lose their land, their status, and even their own heads. Their success - their survival – depended entirely upon the Commander-In-Chief of the Continental Army.

Delegates to the Continental Congress nominated men whom they considered fit for the position. Most support coalesced around two candidates. The first of these two possessed an intimate knowledge of British military tactics. In fact, among all the nominees for the position, no one could boast more experience in terms of military service. When the war had become an inevitable reality, he defected from the Royal forces in order to volunteer his services to the colonies. His name was Charles Lee, and many, including himself, expected that he be named Commander-In-Chief of the Continental Army. Lee was erratic and unconventional. Historical accounts described his behavior as loutish and prideful. His language was coarse and boorish. Despite having some significant achievement, he felt a constant need to inflate his reputation with lengthy and exaggerated accounts. Still, he was highly decorated and willing to assume charge of the Continental Army – for a price of course.

The second candidate was the perfect contrast to the personality of General Charles Lee. He was a humbler man, perhaps too humble for the liking of some within the Continental Congress. Considerably more reserved and polished than Charles Lee, many thought him too hesitant, too indecisive, too “damnably deficient”. Nonetheless, support for George Washington was strong. Of the two nominees, Washington’s character fell most in line with the principles that the Continental Congress revered. On paper, the decision seemed illogical, maybe even suicidal. But in reality, there was not better man suited for the job.

History remembers George Washington as the lowly General who won the most hopeless war with the most hapless army. As for Charles Lee… I would wager you’ve never heard of the guy. In hindsight, the decision to elect Washington over Lee saved the revolution and cemented the cause of freedom in the American Colonies, and eventually the world. At the time, American’s needed to choose between the tyranny of the Crown, the crass leadership of Lee, or the principled leadership of Washington. Most chose complacency with the Crown, but for a small and principled group of men and women, the decision was made in favor of Washington. Thank God for principled decisions!

Tyranny & Lawlessness

Coarse & Boorish

Principles & Conscience

Where have we seen these three choices before?

When I consider the current race for American leadership, I can’t help but see the similarities between the choices we face now and the choices the founding fathers had to make too. Make no mistake, our situation does not look too promising. Turmoil, both foreign and domestic, seems to simmer hotter and hotter and no one knows exactly at what point things will come to a boil. The way I see things, we too must make a choice similar to the one made by the founding fathers and mothers: Do we choose the steady decay of personal liberty and freedom? Do we choose the lesser of two evils? Or do we choose principle and a clear conscience? Only one choice saved this nation in 1775. Only one choice will save it again.

Of course, this choice flies straight in the face of the “Now or Never” crowd. I have heard it over and over again. Even now, I am told to hold my nose and swallow the Trump nomination like the sour pill that it is. People that I once revered and respected have let out the cry “WIN AT ALL COSTS!” Not only do I find this strategy sad, it is downright repulsive. Those who believe and circulate this narrative belong in the laziest class of citizens. This belief is a sordid self-abnegation of your sacred civic duty to oppose tyranny and corruption. The logic dictates that if the bad candidate wins, your power stops at the ballot box. In essence, you say I give up! I give in! I give out!

This sentiment was best demonstrated in a recent conversation I was privy to regarding the concept of third party voting:

“Vote your conscience if you really think that is gonna make a difference for the world. Then tell your children the story of America and how she used to be the land of opportunity for free people…”

Do you notice the backwards assertion that America is a land for free people, yet voting with your conscience and free-will outside of bonds of a major party is unconscionable? Tell me again how much you value freedom of speech? Freedom of expression? Freedom to assemble? Such is hypocrisy beyond absurdity – reasoning beyond rationality.

I will vote my conscience. I guess in some ways my vote may not count, at least not in the sense that everyone else thinks it should count. I accept that. And when the time comes, I will explain to my kids that I voted on character, on policy, and on principle.

I will do this because I believe a time will come when I must make a bigger principled stand.

I will do this because I believe that my power as a citizen does no stop at the ballot box.

I will do this because I believe that I can help win over the hearts and minds of those who disagree.

I will do this because I believe my kids need to know that principles are important in any circumstance.

I will do this because I believe that I will have to provide an account of where I stood and with whom I stood.

Washington was the principled choice for his time, if not the popular choice. In the short term, it appeared as if he was indeed the wrong choice. The British delivered to the Continental Army one disheartening defeat after another. Many called for Washington’s dismissal. However, every time the cause of freedom teetered on the brink of disaster, Washington prevailed. He prevailed because he made principled choices that aligned with his conscience. Washington always lived to fight another day.

Even now, the cause of freedom does not hinge on a single battle. It doesn’t even end after several battles. America only ends when we cease to do battle – when we cease to fight against corruption, vileness, and tyranny, regardless of party or platform. My allegiance is not to person or party. My allegiance is to my conscience and my country