Gratitude

American author, and self-help professional Melody Beattie had this to say about gratitude:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Roman statesman Cicero explained that "gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." As we enter this season of thanksgiving, we should consider our understanding of this virtue and the role it plays in our lives.

We are re-entering a season of gratitude, and our thoughts and hearts should be turning towards more positive and thankful things. 2020 has not been a particularly kind year to many folks. The world still finds itself in the midst of a confusing pandemic, there is political change on the horizon, and a great many folk have endured hardships and maltreatment to degrees they never thought were possible. Still, for others, these struggles pale in comparison to their experience. To make matters worse, the tribulation and suffering endured too often comes at the hands of people whose intent is not to heal hearts, solve problems, or edify their world around them. There is much over which we can be disheartened.

But we ought to take courage instead. Courage for ourselves, courage for our friends, courage for our family, and courage for our future. We know what we have endured, but we don't know what's in store. That may prove scary for some, but the future is unknown. It is unwritten. If you can trust in and take heart over one thing, it should be this: you are the author of that future.

Our hope for the future links directly to a desire for change; we don't like where we are at, and it is high time that we find ourselves in better circumstances. For over a year now, that has been my attitude. So we grind, and we gruel, and we force upon ourselves discipline in the hope that something has to give, and give quickly. Then, we are disappointed when our goals aren't achieved, or the righteous desires of our heart are unfulfilled. This is often a breaking point for many individuals; they're at the end of their rope, unheard, maligned, and unsettled. However, for others, something miraculous occurs where a breaking-point becomes a making-point. 

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates

I found this quote a couple weeks back, and it has stuck with me for some time. As a builder, I know that the best earth upon which to build a foundation is hard, rocky, and yes... a little dirty. When we reach our lowest point, we should ask ourselves: "is there really a better place to build than rock-bottom?"

If you are at rock-bottom, congratulations! No seriously! I say this with no degree of facetiousness. You're here. Lets get building the new. Don't waste your time looking down in the dirt. Look up. Look around. Look at what you intend to build. Above all, look at what you got, and what you have to look forward to.

I don't know how coincidental the timing of the Thanksgiving season is, but I must say it is fortuitous. If hitting rock bottom is the discovery of the perfect real estate for your new life project, then gratitude is the first great step towards planning your build and establishing your scope of work.

Gratitude can mean so many things for so many people. Everyone's experiences with it will vary. Not everyone has the same vision; the same goals, ambitions, or values. This much I believe: that many people don't truly grasp it's impact on their lives, and none of us exercise it to it's full extent.

In light of my personal experiences, and acknowledging my limited knowledge of the subject, here is what I understand of gratitude:

Gratitude is an acceptance of what was.

We experience gratitude frequently through our review of things past. Gratitude is the expression of relief in the aftermath of difficulty. It is the remembrance of the progress that we have made. It is the recognition of virtue we have gained; or shackles we have dropped. Gratitude shapes the syllabus from which we ultimately learn from our past.

For some, acceptance of what was can be difficult. We may struggle making sense of our lives once lived and our experiences once endured. We tend to relive injustice, injury, and inconvenience. Reflecting on such things is normal, even necessary for a better understanding of ourselves and our environment. However, we must take care not to spur on feelings of contempt and frustration. Rather, we should recall our past with thankfulness for experiences both good and bad.

Without a thankful perspective of the past, we have no hope of adjusting to the challenges of the future, nor appreciating the circumstances of the present.

Gratitude is an appreciation of what is; a positive acknowledgement of where we are.

But what if where we are is no positive place at all? What of those instances where we unduly endure the influence of deprivation, scarcity, and maltreatment? Some in our midst find themselves grappling with some of the more difficult circumstances of the mortal experience. How should we think during hardships where looking beyond one week, one day, or even one hour, proves difficult, if not impossible? How could gratitude possibly pull us from the mire of misery?

With great reverence and empathy towards those experiencing devastation and destitution, may I be so bold as to recommend that we chose gratitude over griping? Grace over grievance?

"Easier said than done!" we might say. When facing even minor challenges, my own attitude defaults to defensiveness. To express gratitude through tribulation is a tough pill to swallow. But swallow it we must, if we are to qualify ourselves for the blessings that we so desperately need.

Of course, we ought not to discount or discredit our pain or angst. They are real. They are debilitating. In many circumstances they cripple and scar us mentally, emotionally, and even physically. They are serious. But equally serious are the promises that Heavenly Father has made:

"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life..." (James 1:12)

"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)

"Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth." (Matthew 5:5)

"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:10)

"...[D]ispute not, because you see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6)

Doctrine & Covenants 103:12 further explains "For after much tribulation... cometh the blessing."

With intense sincerity and bluntness, Heavenly Father braces us for the expectation of much tribulation. However, he does so with a promise: relief will come.

Scarcity itself can lead to an increased sense of gratitude. Allow me to demonstrate:

Right now, even as I am writing this, Oliver has joined me in the office. He wakes up earlier than Henry and Charlotte, and we often spend some undisturbed time together while the house is quiet. This year has been a rough one for our family. Divisiveness and contention have created an unfortunate norm which ultimately forced upon us a scarcity of time spent together. While I indeed struggle with emotional upheaval in the form of resentment and disgust, I feel astonished at the peace that accompanies an attitude of gratitude. When I look upon Oliver sitting in the soft leather chair, curled up with his blanket, asleep with  at 7:04 AM on a Sunday morning, I am overcome with peace and appreciation. The appreciation comes not from an abundance of that which I value so dearly, rather from a scarcity of it. There is truth in the proverb stating "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

So we ask the question again: How does gratitude pull us from the mire of misery? Gratitude reminds us that our struggles are but a moment; a temporary setback. If we allow gratitude to sharpen our perspective of the past, and ground us in the reality of the present, then gratitude will build the foundation upon which a bright future can be built.

Gratitude is an aspiration of what could be.

For those who can accept the past and appreciate the present, gratitude will work in their lives mighty miracles in the future. This principle proves true and consistent through scriptural history and through the lives of good people who have chosen to cultivate the gift of gratitude. Thankful hearts beget blessings, and blessings engender gratitude. Thus, the cycle of appreciation and aggregation secures for us a happy future.

In similar fashion, persistent suffering follows the ingrate. Unthankful hearts perceive only calamity, which deepens helplessness and resentment. On this topic, Scottish philosopher David Hume wrote, "Of all crimes that human creatures are capable of committing, the most horrid and unnatural is ingratitude."

Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to chose gratitude if we are to expect any improvement in our future.

This season, I am choosing to build the new; to rediscover gratitude and make the first big steps towards building a better life. I recognize that the lumps and bruises that we endure are everlasting, either for good or ill. We can turn them to our everlasting good by learning, building, and overcoming; or we can turn them to our everlasting ill by succumbing, belittling, and complaining.

Like I said, the timing of the season proved to be fortuitous. For that, I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving!